Girl Wendy's Fan

Lord sweet child, it is too damn early for these VAPORS! Wendy thought to herself with a smile as she clicked on her handheld mini fan, the kind with water in the handle that could be spritzed on the irradiated target. She held it inches from her face, taking in the room around her:

I got my kitchen - check. I got my wakeup joejoe (iced joejoe today) - check. I got my light blue wallpaper with that cute little morning glow - check. I have my window view - check.....And I'm 35 today.... fuuuuuuuuuck. Check me OUT!

Wendy tried to have a mindful moment every morning; it was healthy, she thought. But when did Healthy become a mean ol' heifer? You're supposed to make me feel good!

She closed her eyes and sipped her wakeup joejoe. She inhaled and held...keep it in girl, if you hold it long enough you might stop aging so DAMN fast....for a single second, time suspended: the room was still, the air was warm, and orange morning light simmered behind her closed eyes...oh that's good girl, keep it in jus-

Quick bangs broke in as she spit out her breath. 

"CALL TO PRAYER CALL TO PRAYER! TIME TO PRAY AT THE JOEJOE DOJO!!!"

Wendy rolled her eyes as she got up to let Fiifii in. Beginning a chide as she opened the door, Fiifii interrupted by pouncing on Wendy, hugging her with bear-like strength: "Happy BURFDAY!!!!" Three-five Girl Wendy, three-five! We got eight, we got fifteen, we got-"

"SHUT UP! Let me go you Hulk-tress!" Wendy tried to squirm away from the assault as Fiifii continued to embrace her prey. The two spun around the room, bumping into various bits of furniture as Wendy squealed and squawked in tandem with Fiifii’s laughing and guffawing, and all while a squinty-eyed, angst-smelling, frazzle-ridden teenage girl entered the room holding a crowbar. Her raspy voice halted the two, "Mom, it looks like you might need this? If not, then please beat me over the head with it. If the price of silence is brain goo on the tile, then I accept the cost." She closed her eyes, held open her arms, lifted up her head, and whispered, "I'm ready."

Fiifii finally let go, which was followed by an avenging squirt from Wendy's fan. Whipping around to Wendy, "You think I'm scurred of water? I ain't no cat!" She hissed at Wendy as another squirt shot out. The women giggled some more as Fidelity croaked out, "Speaking of cats, you are scaring Oscar. He's not used to such wild behavior in the morning."

Everyone looked to the top of the bookshelf where a pupil-dilated Main Coon crouched down, tail poofed. Fiifii held out her arms: "Awww little boo! Come to mama! Lord KNOW you can't resist my silky touch!"

Fidelity responded, "Oh yes he can. He can resist everything except Temptations. I'll get them." She barely reached into the treat bin before a loud thud announced a furry presence, meowing and rubbing her leg.

Wendy passively watched as Fiifii and Fidelity chatted, smiling to herself as she returned to her wakeup joejoe. She sat down at the kitchen table and absorbed the morning mood, again inhaling and holding...here we go girl...that's right, live in this moment forever...she felt the increasing heat, observing the yellow glow from behind her closed eyes...why does it got to be so DAMN hot?...shit fucker Mary, why?...I am not tropical!...Wendy, just breathe...you are a rain drop, you are Metropolitan Heating And Air, you are Jesus mediating with Buddha during the winter months....Wendy exhaled. She quickly turned the fan back on her face and spritzed.

"Happy birthday, mom." Fidelity's snark resided a tad as she and Fiifii joined Wendy at the table.

"Thanks sugarlicious. Sorry if we woke you up - mama got groped by a dusty sasquatch."

Fiifii pursed her eyes and lips, "Emphasize the sass in sassquatch! Yes ma'am! Lord knows I wasn't about to disrespect the Joejoe Dojo on your BURFDAY!"

Fidelity cut in, "If I try, mom, I can find it to forgive you. I was hot all night anyway. Didn't sleep well."

Fiifii rose to prepare her own wakeup joejoe: "I feel that! Summer months are Satan's months, and only a Devil would plop his open ass crack down on top of us like this." Fiifii theatrically grabbed her throat, "Feel that!? Gasp! The SUCTION! Gasp! That ain't no plunger, no ma'am! Gasp! That's the Devil squeezing hot air out of his booty hole!" Fiifii stuck her dairyaire at Fidelity and began grunting. Fidelity recoiled at this middle-aged horror and put an elbow over her nose with an "EW!" She then snatched a fork and jabbed it into the intruding bum - a quick bark from Fiifii summoned a laugh from Wendy, "Put your ass next to a snarling dog and ya bum gon’ get bit! Your dumbass is a holey ass now...let us pray!" Fidelity tried to hide a betraying smile as her mom placed sarcastic hands together in a mocking prayer. I saw that little bend of the lip, Fidelity! Hehehe.

Wendy continued to smile as she sipped her drink, giving herself another squirt from the fan. Sitting down with her own joejoe, Fiifii rekindled conversation, "OOOOH I like that fan of yours! That from Joaquin?"

Wendy nodded, "Yes indeed.”

"Oh now that's just boojee! That Joaquin be a good man treating you with a little trifle like that - it's so cute!"

"Right?! And Lord knows how I been talkin' 'bout this HEAT! Ya know, I'm sure he's got something else up them sleeveless shirts of his, but for now I gotta say I am perfectly happy with this. It's actually really nice. Healthy!"

"I feel that! But for real…he prolly got some surprise for your party tonight.” Fiifii gave a sideways stare, eyes rounded.

Wendy noticed this gesture, but ignored it. “Ugh – I don’t need NO big surprises. I just want a simple thing with my people. Maybe some of the neighbors too. I like that Eryc dude – from across the street. He’s such a trip!”

“Careful what you wish for with them neighbors, boo.” Fiifii sucked her joejoe obnoxiously loud, eyes pointedly wanton, pinky extended – no ignoring it now, this was T Time.

“Why!? What’s the beef with Eryc?”

“Nah Girl Wendy, not him! I’m talking about Countess – she be the one that just moved in across the hall from Eryc. HA! Wearing all that makeup and them gloves, more like CLOWN-tess, shit!” Wendy raised her eyes and gave an aggressive huff. Fiifii shot a quick glance toward Fidelity (whose sleepy gaze simply stared forward) and continued, “Hey all I’m saying is that there be two tragedies in life: one is not getting what ya want, but the other is getting it! Keep that guest list short, and keep Clown-tess OFF of it.”

“But WHY? What she DO? Pull that T-bag wide open!”

“Humph ho HO! What she do? What she DO? She a Cinder-Slipper!”

“…what the HELL you talkin’ about?”

After another lightning glance at Fidelity, Fiifii explained, “You know…she slides something on, gives it a good up-down, and then kicks it off before trying again with someone else. Like Cinderella’s slipper…but, spicier. Siracha. Ghost peppa’. And I ain’t betting that they clean that slipper out neither. No ma’am, smell that foot fungus from here!”

Wendy hardened her eyes in thought, “But what that got to do with my party?”

“Mom, she’s saying that Countess is a ho.” Fidelity chimed in glossy-eyed and stoic, still staring 1,000 yards off.

“Fidelity! Go brush yo teeth or something. At least someone at this table should have a clean mouth!” Wendy chucked another pointed glace at Fiifii.

Fidelity gave a teenage sigh, “What’s the big deal, mom? I know what ho’s are. Besides, is she really that bad, on her own? People can’t be divided into races very easily, so we do we do it with good and bad?”

What, they teaching Aristotle or Mozart now in high school!? Talkin’ to me like she on some high pony – she be the high one!…breathe Wendy…be healthy…Wendy relaxed a little and calmly said, “Look sugarlicious, Fiifii is trying to tell me something slutty, so I would appreciate you doin’ your own thing for a hot minute. Okay? Please?”

Fidelity agreed with an audible roll of the eyes and slunked off. After hearing a distant door shut, Wendy continued:

“Look Fiifii, Joaquin controls the guest list, ‘cause he planning the party. It’s my day, so I ain’t planning shit! But regardless, why would he invite her in the first place? We don’t know her.” This bitch ain’t telling me something…why is she bringing this up now?

Fiifii looked down at her joejoe and fidgeted her fingers, “I just don’t think we need that nappy trash up in your nice place. I got a whole LIST of mo-fo’s that pollute the social atmosphere! Like maybe Eryc happens to invite her? And next thing we know we got Divine and Mitchell and Jocasta an-“

“Uh uh yeah Ima’ stop you right there Fiifii. This ain’t making no sense, all this furtive shit – first, Eryc is a good dude twice our age. Why would he bring that gutter-ho to anything? Also, this is a birthday party, not a ravin’ college wooha! Boo, you brewed the T, so DRINK THE T! What up? This ain’t like you….”

Fiifii bounced her eyes between Wendy and her joejoe several times. After a moment of uncharacteristic silence, “…Hey Girl Wendy, making sense is how you be found out, and I wasn’t sure you should find out…But, I saw Joaquin talking to Clown-tess outside Eryc’s produce stand…he invited her to the party tonight. Not only that…” Fiifii trailed off again….

Wendy kicked her: “Seriously!? Ya got this far! Ain’t no turning around! You ain’t no owl head!”

“Okay okay!....Okay, look…Joaquin been going into her building for several nights now. I seen him go in late when I be on my walks – you ain’t the only ho that try to be 'healthy' ya know! But I didn’t want to think anything, make no ‘sumptions…but I be seeing him go in there, and now she’s coming to the party, and this ho be getting AROUND Girl Wendy! People be talkin’. Hell, my own Derek been dippin’ his big toe in that stanky ass cess-pond! And don’t get me goin’ on…”

Wendy didn’t hear the last few sentences – she had closed her eyes, inhaled and held…the heat in the room had increased…Fiifii’s voice melted into an annoying drone tone…sweat was encasing her skin in melted viscosity…the muscles in her back, butt, and legs were stiffening in the chair…I ain’t Wendy…sounds begin to mix and morph together as real noises melded with distant echoes from memory…Joaquin smiling at her, whispering sweet sensations into her ears…Fidelity’s laughter (becoming more rare) tickled out of her…I was so young when I had her; too young…Fiifii’s joy when Fidelity was born, distracting her from the judgement of everyone else…No, I ain’t Wendy right now, and Joaquin ain’t like either of my parents… her father had disappeared so long ago…she couldn’t remember him anymore…Why did he have to go and not her?...the crackle of breaking glass as her mother punched a window…Why did she do that? There was so much blood…then there was Fiifii, with her since forever…then Fidelity’s father died…Why do the good men always have to leave me?...there was a clog in her throat now, slowly swelling…Why is it so DAMN HOT!? Is that bitch across the hall cooking with her oven again!?...her whole body ached as the ball in her throat billowed and her skin boiled…What WOULD Jesus do? Ya know, we ain’t know shit about his early life - I bet he shanked a ho in that desert – then WHAT!? He just resurrects and bounces bye-bye forever? Yet another man LEAVING ME for fuckin’ Buddha on top of a mountain!!!...

“WENDY!” Fiifii shouted as Wendy finally coughed up the breath she had been holding. Hunched over, spewing air and hidden vexation, she brought the fan back to her face and generously spritzed.

“Boo, were you holding yo breath that WHOLE TIME!?”

After a few more puffs Wendy slowly sat back up, “It is important to be mindful, Fiifii…”

“Oh hohoho! ‘It is important to be mindful’ she says! Don’t know about mindful, but you definitely full of SOMETHING, Girl Wendy! You alright?”

After another few breaths behind the fan’s reprieve, Wendy continued to sit in reflection: “…do you think Fidelity be on to something?”

“Probably weed, being all dull-eyed and angsty. But you ain’t hear that from me.”

“No – shut up! Dumbass. I mean…good and bad are just words…I’m a good person. A healthy person. So…I’m thinkin’…I can cash in some credit, right?”

Fiifiii’s eyes flickered with the promise of spicy, chaotic, justified scandal, “Well, Lord knows I’m too hard up to have any OTHER kind of credit….”

*****

Vapors from the Devil’s ass crack still strangled the air as day turned to night. It was that time of year where heat remained even after the sun went to bed, but that didn’t stop people from crowding into Wendy’s abode. Sweat perfumed the air, but the scent of frosting and fruity booze chased the acrid aromas down. It was a perfectly sized affair: busy enough to be classy, but exclusive enough to prevent garish superficiality.

Wendy patiently stood with Joaquin as guests slowly arrived, smiling with a soft face that hadn’t changed in over an hour. Joaquin kept glancing toward her, noticing robotic movements. That’s right Joaquin, confused much? I play chess too, and I’m the queen of this party….

New arrivals summoned her hand forward:

“John! Divine! Lovely to see you both!” Joaquin patted shoulders as Wendy shook hands, “Divine, I LOVE that eyeliner! So CUTE! And it matches your dress! Man, blooming flowers always hog all the sun!”

“Oh nooooo! You just playin’, Wendy!”

The civilities proceeded as Fiifii snuck off into the other room….

Eventually Joaquin turned to Wendy and leaned into her ear, “I have a surprise for you….”

Wendy, still with an artificial smile, turned her head without making eye contact, “Oh, that can wait. Besides, not everyone is here. I haven’t seen Eryc yet, and Fidelity still isn’t home.”

“Yeah, I get that, but this is somewhat time-sensitive.”

“Mmhmm okay.”

“…..soooo, now’s a good time? I mean, it’s your birthday – I want you to be happy!”

Wendy finally turned her eyes to him and flattened her smile, “Oh you’ve made me very happy today, Joaquin.”

“…are you okay? Like, I don’t get what’s going on.”

Wendy restrained a snarky comment with a deep inhale, and held…Oh what, like you ain’t a cheating bastard?…she looked into his eyes…something ain’t right…he looks so normal right now…the walls oozed with humidity as the crowd laughed and imbibed their drinks…he seems confused…his eyes were innocent and pleading…Buddha, hurry yo ass up with Jesus and bring me some of that mountain snow!…the sounds of the room where lost…what if he’s being sincere?...she finally realized this was not the solution…and exhaled.

“I’m sorry Joaquin, it’s just so damn hot. Get yo thing.” Joaquin kissed her and excitedly ran off. Shit…where’s Fiifii?

It was too late: a series of gasps turned Wendy’s head.

Countess had arrived, adorning a striking black dress, white gloves, pearl necklace, and a proud poise. She extended a hand as she glided over to Wendy, “How do you do? I am so very pleased to make your acquaintan-“

Fiifii emerged from the crowd and cut her off, “What you doin’ comin’ in here CLOWN-tess!? Off-brand Audrey Hepburn! Time to cool off you man-stealin’ HO!”

Fiifii then raised up Wendy’s handheld fan, clicked it on, and squirted lighter fluid through a lit zippo directly onto Countess….

*****

Outside, Fidelity was stealing fruit from Eryc’s produce stand. A gentle voice made her jump, “You are too young to be this ambitious. Shouldn’t you be with your mother?”

Eryc stood with kind, understanding eyes.

“I…I…”

Eryc raised his hand, “It’s ok. I’ll let this slide. You’re not a bad girl, Fidelity. You know, morals are dangerous things. They can hurt people. Realities are better – they hurt too, but are…healthier.”

Fidelity looked down, “I’m sorry...will you walk me home?”

“Oh…I don’t think I should….” He reached into his pocket and gave Fidelity a small, wrapped present. “Would you please pass this to your mother? Joaquin and I have been planning a surprise for her, but…I think this is better.”

“Why can’t you do it?”

Eryc looked down. After a pause, he came back, “Do you ever look into people’s windows? I know we aren’t supposed to admit that sort of thing, but I will be a martyr and confess. I don’t mean anything creepy! Just…sometimes, when I’m walking late at night, and I see an open window, I take a quick glance. Never linger, never gawk – I just think it is so rare and interesting to see someone’s life, how they truly are, unfiltered, for one short moment as you walk down your path…maybe sometimes you wish you could knock on the door and say hello, but…a quick glimpse is enough. Goodbye, darling Fidelity. Remember, most of us are sewer rats…but some of us look to the stars.”

Eryc went back inside. Fidelity was confused…knowing she shouldn’t, she opened the gift.

It was a picture of Eryc holding a baby girl….