This Isn't Real

“If you take the pill, you will see him again,” The girl told me. 

I didn’t want to take it because I knew what the consequences were. I saw what the addiction had done to my mom. But I missed him more than I could handle and I was grasping at straws for survival. 

Ever since Alex was killed I have felt like I was losing my mind. He was the only one who wanted to survive this world with me. He was the only one who wanted to actually make it without falling victim to the pill and was I about to give that all up to see his face one more time?

Yes, I was. 

The girl watched as I chased the little red pill with water. It went down easy but nothing happened at first. 

“Just wait,” she whispered. 

The room started to spin and I had to grab the nightstand for support. I felt my body slump to the floor as my eyes began to close. I heard footsteps getting closer and closer as everything around me went black. 

“Come on Maya we have to go soon!” 

The sunlight felt warm on my skin as I opened my eyes to find myself covered in soft blankets. The sun shone through the open window that was letting the cool air into the room. As I sat up I saw him, Alex, rushing around in a button-down shirt and an untied tie around his kneck. I had never seen him dressed up before as we never had anywhere fancy to go, so I couldn’t help but stare. 

“You’re here,” I whispered mainly to myself because I couldn’t believe it. 

“What? Are you okay you seem stunned,” Alex said. He sat down on the edge of the bed and took my hand. They felt so real that I almost started to cry. The same scar he had on his thumb from when he cut himself with a knife shopping carrots was the first thing I looked for and there it was, right in front of me. I rubbed his palm because the last time I did they were cold due to his lack of blood and right now they were so warm. 

“Did you have a nightmare?” His eyebrows laced together like they did when he was confused about something. 

“No, I just… I’m fine,” was all I said. My heart started to sink because this wasn’t a nightmare, it was worse. This wasn’t real, it was all in my head. My real body was asleep and drugged up as my subconscious created this world filled with my wishes. 

“Okay well then get up because we really are going to be late,” Alex jumped up and kissed my head. It was only for a second but it meant the world to me at that moment. 

“Where are we going?” I asked as I got out of bed. 

Alex stood and looked at me for a second before turning around and opening the closet door. He didn’t answer me. 

My conscience didn’t create a place for us to go to. I was just seeing what I wanted to see; Alex dressed nicely, us living together in a house, and just being with him. So, of course, he had no idea where we were going because I had no idea where we were going. 

“Why don’t we just stay here?” I suggested. 

“Okay,” Alex’s blank expression turned into a smile. I missed his smile. 

Alex sat on the bed and crossed his legs as he used to when he had an idea. He started to fiddle his hands together, which was a nervous habit he told me he picked up from his brother. I grabbed his hands to make him stop. I knew he was nervous because I felt nervous. The pill interchanged our emotions to be the same because Alex wasn’t really here. Mom used to tell me about how she saw a beautiful angel when she would take the pill and it would always feel the same that she did when she spoke to it. 

I held Alex’s hands so he would stop fidgeting. “I have to tell you something,” I said after a while. 

“I know what you’re going to say,” He smiled again. I really missed his damn smile. 

“You do?” 

His face fell back into the blank expression he had before but this time he gripped my wrists. “I’m not here. This isn’t real. I’m not actually in front of you but it feels real and you don’t know if you’re dreaming or awake. That’s what the pill does to you, Maya. Your reality will become distorted, everything will be a little off. Don’t trust the girl, she doesn’t want to help you despite what she says. Don’t fall victim to the pill.” 

My eyes widened. How did he know this? Was it really me, trying to warn myself? Was it Alex breaking through from the afterlife? No, that one was too outrageous, but is it? 

“What do you mean?” I asked but he had reverted back to his smiling self and let go of my wrists. 

“What do you mean,” He laughed. “Sometimes you say the funniest things, Maya.” 

I stood up and backed against the wall. What the hell was going on? I never meant to take the pill I just wanted to see Alex again and the girl had been so convincing. She said she was the daughter of the doctor who created the pill. She told me her name was Kira and that her father created the pill to save her mother but it ended up putting her in a comatose state. The pill didn’t mean to go on the market but someone found out it gave people crazy trips and then the world went mad to live in their fantasies. Kira had said that the world was already ending so why not go out like everyone else and see the one person who ever truly loved me. 

And I was a fool for listening to her. 

Alex stood up and looked at his watch. “It’s almost time to go.” 

When I looked at him this time, I saw Alex. I saw his soul in his eyes. He was here, with me and he was trying to save me. 

I woke up a few seconds later and found myself gasping for air. My head spun when I tried to stand up. I found the ground moving underneath my feet. I couldn’t tell if I was still dreaming. 

The girl was gone, but on my nightstand was a clear bottle of red pills with a note that read: 

Take them. They might be the best damn thing to happen to you.

-Kira