The Quest To Find Bucket

Bob was excited, for today would be the day that he began his glorious adventure. Alongside Jim, of course, his best friend. He was woken up by Jim himself and given the quest to collect his sword. Jim reminded Bob that he had deposited his sword with the blacksmith for tempering the previous day. So Bob, feeling he was being moved around by some mysterious external force, left for the blacksmith.

He arrived by going left, right, up, left, down, right, right and left, and was able to claim his sword. There was a priest nearby, shouting nonsense, so Bob decided to see what was going on. He interacted with the priest, who said;

‘The heavenly creator of all worlds is Bucket! His world is visible upon Mount Pail, the most divine place in all our land! He is our creator, and we were accidentally made when he knocked over a trash can once trillions of years ago!’

Bob was not sure he believed this, but as his goal had already been Mount Pail, he decided it would not hurt to see.

He had already heard of Bucket before, but he talked to all the townsfolk around the priest to find out all he could.

According to Elder Martha, Bucket was an immortal tabby cat from the original universe that created and shaped all others, completely by accident.

Once, a man named Winston who lived in the Sagittarius system was, for no apparent reason, teleported into a dark void with only an old iPod.

Another, a rich boy named Wallace’s day was ruined because Bucket accidentally made it rain by dumping a bucket of water onto the heads of two obnoxious androids.

Bucket’s universe was originally created by an extradimensional man named Bruce, who figured when he was dying that a cat would be a very good replacement.

So, armed with these myths, Bob collected Jim from his house, and they set out through the woods, also accompanied by a teddy bear named Robert.

This bear was also special, and though Bob asked Jim why the teddy bear was there, they had no idea.

They met a large troll along their path, which gave them a riddle. However, Bob and Jim were stricken with the urge to attack the troll. They launched at it, one with a sword and one with a bow. After both hitting the troll, getting smacked with a rather large club, and hitting it once more, it fell, leaving them a magical piece of leather.

They wandered upwards, eventually locating a town of mini people that wished for Bob and Jim to reclaim their beloved prize jewel from a sparrow. They waited till it left its nest, then shot the nest with an arrow, knocking it down. Jim had proposed climbing, but this request was shut down.

The two friends returned the gem to its owners, who gave them an enchanted stick. ‘You’ll need it’, they had said. So Bob & Jim continued on.

They had reached the base of Mount Pail, and began the dangerous climb. There were evil hounds and weird robots and shadow-y, hooded men, but the two friends vanquished them all, climbing and climbing, until they saw a glorious vision. A cat, in three-dimensional picture, smacking hacky sacks off of a padded roof onto a street.

The mysterious force controlling Bob told him to say:

‘Oh, great Bucket the almighty, we have come to know the secrets to our universe!”

‘Mrrow?’ said the cat. Then appeared a robot, who looked like a metal human with a screen for a face.

Robot: “Oh, hey guys! I’m Alexander. And I see you have Robert the bear with you, the paradox.”

Bob: “Why has our world been cursed? Who is this bear? What is the secret to our world’s existence?”

Alexander: “Oh, the bear is Robert. The Creator of Bucket, Bruce, he’s his teddy bear. He can teleport to different worlds. We never figured out why. Your world exists because one of Bucket’s hacky sacks landed in a street sweeper and broke it, and when it got cursed with monsters it was because he almost fell off the roof.”

Bob: “So everything about us was created by accident?”

Alexander: “Every dimension is made by accident except ours.”

Bob: “Why can we see and hear you through this screen?”

Alexander: “That’s from a puddle. Still there. Once it gets cleaned up, you’re cut off, and you will not recall Bucket the cat.”

Bob: “What about this magic leather, and the enchanted stick?”

Alexander: “Quest items. You live in a video game. Some kid named Sidney is controlling everything you do and say.”

Bob: “But… so…”

Alexander: “Oh, gotta go. They’re cleaning up the puddle. ‘Kay, thanks for chattin’, bye!”

The veil closed, and immediately all knowledge of Bucket the cat was deleted from this world. Bob and Jim had no clue why they were atop Mount Pail, with a magic strip of leather, an enchanted stick and a bunch of random stuff. Robert the bear was also gone. However, where the portal to Bucket had just sat was a shard of pale iron ore. The boys grabbed it and ran back through the woods.

They arrived and gave the stick, leather and ore to the blacksmith. He in turn gave Bob the most powerful sword in the world.

When Bob woke the next day, the sword was gone from his bedside. He talked to the beat-up Jim outside the door, who explained that a human-sized mouse named Mousey Mousekwitz had stolen the sword in the night, and had been talking about slaying an evil elephant.

Mousey was not from this world. He was from Bucket’s, chasing a diabolical overlord through a different portal. Sidney, meanwhile, the kid who was playing Bob’s game, got very frustrated with a glitch stealing his progress and took the game out of the console. The result was that every inhabitant of this world fell asleep, except for the overlord and the mouse with a sword.

The end.