We Try To Live In A Robot

‘So how did you just randomly catch me?’ 

‘I don’t know, that idiot, who apparently calls himself “the boss”, told me to pick you up and throw in front of him’ 

‘Okay so you are a scientist, right?’ 

‘NO!’ 

‘THEN WHY THE HECK ARE WE STANDING IN FRONT OF A SCIENCE LAB!?’ 

‘CAN YOU STOP TALKING IN CAPS!’ 

‘Okay, but answer my dumb question first’ 

‘Just follow me. It’s safe’ 

‘You are doing this all for money, from your so-called “the boss”’ 

‘Exactly, but now don’t talk, or else we both will get caught’ Velvet whispered. 

‘I am not following your stupid paths. I’ll go bye’ 

‘Dynamo!’ she shouted in a whisper, ‘Okay fine do whatever, you’ll get caught, then you’ll remember my name. Go bye’ 

I seriously didn’t trust that Velvet person who had brought me in front of a stupid science lab. My first goal wasn’t to escape, surprisingly. My first goal was to find a real sharp knife to kill that idiot Banshee. After yesterday's climate apocalypse, those bunch of humans who survived weren't able to breathe, so they had decided to get into this robot cum statue to somehow make it work. I wasn't a human though, but I had to be with them 'cause apparently, they wanted to fill some stupid spot of the robot body, and I knew they were going to use me for back up, as I was the only one in the entire city, wandering around, in human disguise. Oh I tell you, these scientists had done some stupid blasting experiments and messed up with the entire climate. That was the sole reason for this climate apocalypse. Gosh, I hate them even more now.

In front of me was a laboratory: the place I’ve always tried to be as far away as possible from. Behind me was another lab. Then another lab appeared beside me and another. A door opened and a scientist person stepped out. 

‘Hey!’ he shouted looking at me. 

I went in my boredom mode and controlling my yawn I said,‘I’m not who you think’ 

There were a lot of flasks, some boiling with stuff and half of them were already exploded. There were noodles on the floor, and also some tomato soup. Yes, it was some sort of soup. I don’t know, don’t ask me.   From the corner of my eye, I saw that Velvet idiot. God knows, why there was a noodle on her forehead- shaped like an inverted 3. She was climbing some statue kind of thing, placed in the corner. The statue was some ancient sort of thing which , maybe those untrustworthy scientists had robbed from some museum. It was a really huge one. Like around 17 foot tall, or maybe 20. 

The scientist in front of me had disappeared. Spaz the hamster jumped off from Velvet’s shoulder and came in my direction. I looked behind and saw the same scientist but this time, he had a net with him. 

‘Uh,’ I rolled my eyes, ‘what’s your PROBLEM!’ 

Suddenly Velvet was nowhere to be seen and the statue started moving. It took a step and the scientist ran away, screaming on top of his lungs. 

‘Umm, okay. That’s something cool’ 

‘Now get in FAST!’ a voice came from inside the statue. 

A rope fell from the statue’s mouth. 

‘HEY DUMBO BE QUICK!’ I heard Velvet’s voice. 

The group of scientists behind me had lazors in their hands. Yes, I knew, my awesome face was gonna be displayed on the front page of the next day’s newspaper. Please not black and white.

This was so irritating. I jumped on the rope and fixed my grip. 

CLICK CLICK. 

Yes, those cameras all turned on me. People, reporters and scientists, basically all the people I hate ( I hate everyone by the way) had come to torture me.

I climbed the rope and reached the statue’s mouth. 

‘YOU’RE welcome’ the mouth announced. 

‘Lucas!’ Velvet’s voice came from somewhere, ‘You need to shut the mouth!’ 

‘Yes Lucas I had told this to you 2 seconds ago, you idiot!’ another voice came from inside. 

There was a tongue, an actual tongue with some ew…saliva. Apparently robots have saliva for no reason.

‘Lucas!!!’ Velvet screamed on top of her lungs. 

‘Right sorry’ another voice said, whom I guessed to be Lucas. The saliva started evaporating from the tongue. There appeared some stones. Okay so now I had to use my common sense to walk on the stones to reach somewhere. 

‘Close the mouth’ Velvet announced. The intstructions were perfect, and the robot cum statue was actually walking, and I almost fell off.

A couple of screws fell directly on my head as I stepped on the first stone and the mouth behind me started closing. 

‘…And then he climbed into the mouth of Shadrick the statue and…’

‘Mason!’ Velvet called, ‘Memory wiper!’ 

‘Yes, three, two and one’ 

BOOM! 

There was a loud explosion outside the statue while I reached the end of the tongue. I had expected to see a long, disgusting oesophagus, but there was an elevator!

I couldn’t find the button so I did the most smart thing. I screamed. “Hey bring the lift!’ 

‘Bonehead, It’s right in front of you’ 

‘Bonehead? Seriously Banshee girl. Couldn’t you think of-’ 

‘CAN YOU PLEASE CLIMB INTO THE LIFT AND COME TO THE MAIN OFFICE?’ 

‘Uh yeah fine, I’d love to see you throw me in front of your “the boss”’ I whispered to myself. 

The doors of the elevator slid open and a liftman welcomed me. 

‘Yo’ he said, ‘To the topmost floor, I guess? Right?’ 

‘Uh yeah?’ 

‘K’ the lift man pressed a yellowish-red button which looked like a mini-brain diagram. There was “brain” written under it. Oh, that was very necessary.  

‘I’m Benjamin’ he said, not making eye contact with me. 

‘Nice name’ I wanted to laugh, because obviously I hated people the second I met them. Okay but this Benjamin person took my sarcasm seriously, wow. 

‘You must be Dynamite’ 

‘Dynamo’ I corrected. There you go, the first reason on my hashtag why I hate people list. Everybody pronounces my name in the weirdest way possible and I can write down like twenty versions of it right now. Well, Velvet’s name was on the top of my hate list, as soon as I met her.

A soft woman’s voice came on the speaker of the lift when it stopped on the topmost floor ‘Do not leave the lift walking backwards, try to act normal in front of the brain’  

‘Thanks for warning, I was planning to do that’ I said. 

Benjamin kicked me out of the lift. Very nice hospitality. Thank you. Probably he was irritated by me. Who isn't? Yeah like obviously. Every single person who I meet is obviously irritated by me.

 ‘Bonehead! Come here fast!’ I heard that banshee girl shout from a distance. The brain part of the statue was being controlled by that over-smart, over-confident Velvet. If you've already started shipping me with her, please. Please stop, don't commit that crime. I assure, you , we're NEVER EVER gonna end up together.

Great then, Velvet kicked me in the lift and I was taken to the right hand. Everything was going fine as long as Velvet wasn't instructing me, but then I pressed the wrong button and crashed the hand into a car. Then, I kung-fu punched a scientist and managed to slap a reporter. I proudly smashed his camera.

This climate apocalypse is a complete headache to me, and I wish to get out of this place as soon as possible.

I can't believe these people tolerated my stupidity. Yeah, so basically we lived like that for a few days, and it wasn't at all a "happily ever after". Wish me luck for getting out from that small hole right there, and yeah, I guess that's enough and I'll end it right there.

-Sara Tendulkar