Number 1 Dilema

Ever wake up in the morning and think, "Wow! What a beautiful day, everything that I ever had an issue with is completely gone and I feel normal and sane!"

Yup. Me neither.

Sometimes I think life is one big joke that someone is playing on us and we're trying to reach the punchline, but as we get closer, it evolves and mutates into a Tim and Eric sketch that makes you just slightly nauseous. The dilemma in question is always, what are you going to do with your life? Even then that spirals into a plethora of other questions that have been tainted by your assigned at birth religion, mine Christianity, and then it's 20 years later, and your mind has completely snapped sharply in two.

Is what I'm doing a good thing, thus making me a good person, in turn stopping me from being condemned to the hellish underworld controlled by monsters and goblins, and Satan, oh my. So that's always a fun Friday night think tank, that you can do alone in your car, whilst you drive around aimlessly, and think about all the damage you're doing to the dying planet you're living on, and try to talk your way out of feeling selfish for wanting one sense of relief, as you have an alcohol problem. It also gives you time to ruminate on the run- on- sentences that you loveee so much.

Cool, cool, keewlll.

The dilemma then leads to you writing about it on a website that might award you $50, if you show a glimmer of promise or intelligence in your writing, the one thing you've ever gotten a slither of praise for. You await anxiously thinking, this could be the one, this could make me feel validated in what I do, and not make me question if my ego is truly inflated.

Then.... no, today was not your day, try again next time, and try not to write like you just discovered adverbs two weeks ago.

Maybe a drink or two could loosen me up, help get the creative juices going, and you think, this one time, maybe you can stop and not want to just slam down those three other bottles of wine that you bought, as "just in case things will be different", knowing full well, after the first sip, the other seventy eight will go down even easier.

Another dilemma that you have caused for yourself because of the first dilemma, and the several other dilemma that all just leech out.

Bazinga!

Yes, a Big Bang reference was just made, and then you start to realise, you can't even watch a TV show or film without just seeing all the injustices, that you are very fortunate enough to have never experienced in your life, and think wowwwww, I am a shitty person. I see these bad things in the world, like the creation of the Big Bang Theory, and yet do nothing but complain about, not feeling like I deserve $50.

Keewlll * 2.

And now what's the next step.

Lamenting is an option, a very valid option, a very easy option, because it makes more sense to stay in the misery (shout out Kathy Bates.), than to take even a tiny step in the right direction. So you're at work, working for minimum wage, (shout out capitalism.) you get home study for your degree from an online university which is cheaper and easier than a physical university, only to then be bombarded with stories of unemployment rates and the increasing devalued degree.

But... guess what comes around the corner again, right on time, as usual is the "you're lucky enough to even be able to do these things, you don't leave in a country being destroyed by warfare and greed, you're one of the lucky ones." Then the loop begins, why is there war, why is there poverty, and why aren't you doing anything about it? I am doing something about it, I'm getting a degree, which I might one day be able to turn into a job that can help people; the news comes on again, and the professionals in the field tell you about a new catastrophe, that they may not have an immediate or easy solution to, and wham bang thank you Mam, you are magically in your car, driving to the supermarket to drown all those thoughts and put a top to the loop for that one night.

The cyclical nature of your behaviour starts to become infuriating to yourself and people around you. It's time to break the cycle once and for all! You say I'm never going to do that ever again, I'm going to be the person I want to be, I no longer want to waste any potential I might have, and that's fun, cool and sexy for about, five days, then you feel like you deserve to be normal, you have mastered your drinking habit. Five days is pretty good, and as we all know everyone deserves a treat at the end of each day, because, you know, you got through the day. The one drink turns to ten, turns to drinking every day, and the loop restarts.

Baba Booey.

What's next now, because we all know time marches on and will continue to do so, whether you like it or not, well the final dilemma has arrived.

Simply put, you know fully understand that you are already in hell and you finally get to start laughing. The punchline revealed itself to you and it's the funniest thing you have ever heard in your life.

Looking around in this new reality, things start to make sense, you feel a lot more comfortable, and your vison is semi permanently plagued with a little purple blob figure, that follows you around, one day it hisses to let you know, "schalne aoindfewon alesfknwef", which just means, "You're still in hell, but you're doing great, and are completely sane, and cool, so do not worry, you are killing it."

Then you hit "submit story", and wait.