Happiness- a distant dream?

It's been 7 years since that incident, I think, there's no point in reminding myself about it over and over again, I look out the window the night is awfully cold, I hope that she is alright and will be here shortly, I look out the window, unable to see anything I take a giant sip of my wine, hopefully this goes well I wrap myself tightly in my best jacket with the emptiness yet loud rapid heartbeats inside me and the lump on my throat I recall that incident

"But there's nothing wrong with me!, Let go it hurts"

"You'll beg for forgiveness from Allah or else we'll all have to pay for your sins"

"You couldn't even raise your child properly, I told you she was no good ever we have no use for a disgrace such as you"

snapped my father across my room.

The next thing I remember is him grabbing my neck and pulling me out of the house.

"Baba please I'm sorry please, I was wrong, I'm normal I didn't mean it I love you and mu-"

He pushed me out, with my mother crying in the back I couldn't hear anything, he threw all my precious work complied in secretive pages, which were never meant to be discovered onto me.

Ofcourse I took all those and ran for my life, it was obvious there's no going back home if they'll get a hold of me I'll be taken over to those hospitals or abusive camps where they try to straighten you.

I do not remember anything much precisely after this except all the woulds that I've acquired I barely remember being treated as a human and those odd accent of unkind men and the yelling and constant running.

"Mam?" I was distributed from my thoughts

"would you like to order now"?

"can I please have a few more minutes please?"

with a sympathetic look he retreated, I hope I'm not stood up tonight I think to myself feeling uneasy. With all the loneliness yet comfortability I start reminiscing again of the time I spent in the woods hiding, although I spend 4 months there trying not to get caught and looking for an opportunity to escape I happen to only remember this incident as clear as yesterday

It was cloudy evening I was still looking for some sort of food but as soon as I thought I heard a voice I ran to find a place to hide, the woods never felt safe, men and tourists of all sorts wandered there, yet most of them seemed like they haven't seen a human in days and would eat anything that stumbled upon them, the look in their eyes it is hard to explain, I'm glad I don't have to go there anymore

A group of men walk by with Armalite AR-7 around their necks they came across my hideout, taking out all the poetries I wrote about Olivia and those sweet sketches they mocked it,made some inappropriate comments and waited for me to show up hoping, I'd be a wealthy man or something, at that moment tears filled my eyes I'll never see her again, never talk to her, never be around her, happiness already seemed like a distant dream

Crack

I accidentally stepped onto some dried leaves

"And look what we have here"

"Wait- no way, hahah- could she be the?"

"I say we hand this piece of garbage to one of those hospitals for mentally ill ones such as her"

I started running for my life from a group of 4 big healthy men with them calling me names and throwing sticks and stones at me nothing mattered right now for all I know they could kill me I thought at the moment

After thinking I lost them I stumbled onto the highway "how long was I running" I thought to myself I was about to pass out.

Probably a few minutes later I was woken up by a middle aged woman she seemed kind enough, I thought I was safe, just as she was about to get me some water, those men emerged grabbed both my arms said something to the woman, I was too dizzy to realise anything and took me away.

For the next year I lived in the hospital, although I'm glad I don't recall much at all I was probably given electric shocks, forced to read the holy books, starved, labourbed and after a good deal of convincing that I'm straight they let me out, I spent the next few years living low key, working part time jobs and what not.

The cool breeze snapped me out of my thoughts, the door opened and the most beautiful woman in the room walked in, all eyes on her she gve me the sweetest smile and that was my date.

"I'm sorry did I make you wait long? Shall we order some food?".

she said in the most gentle tone I've possibly came across in a long time

"I was hoping to get the chicken biryani, it's indian a-"

"oh my god I love indian food, let's get it, I don't know why people judge my choices I just love indian dishes and British desserts, is it weird?"

she asked giggling

"Oh no, not at all, what's weird is most of them out there indulging in the same kind over and over and judging us who dare to try"

and just like that we were devouring our food in front of us, the warmth and stability I felt inside was unlike anything before, she reminded me a little of my first love Olivia, except if Olivia adored me the same way as I adored her.

This woman in front of me was unlike anyone I've ever met, happiness didn't seem like a distant dream anymore because the stranger yet the person who felt like an old friend sitting in front of me, she was hapiness or the path to it, the sunlight to guide me ahead to a road never taken. For once I finally felt happy to be me Alas!