The most wonderful time of the year

Rebecca breathed a huge sigh of relief as she cozied up with her beloved on the sofa. They both gave each other a knowing look before clinking their very full glasses of Pol Roger.

‘Well, we had been meaning to save this bottle as a special reward. And what’s more special than surviving Christmas without an impending jail sentence for murdering one of them.’

‘You mean, my sister and her spacky boyfriend. I agree. Cheers to us.’

 Kieron was reviewing their details on the screen before clicking ‘book now’.

‘There is nothing more motivating than the thought of reliving that torture again to spur you on to book an escape.’

‘You are so right. It’s our holiday after all. We work hard all year, and we deserve a bit of tranquility and what’s more relaxing than a week spent in the mountains surrounded by people who can run trains and actually be jolly without no prior motive.’

‘Ha! You almost make it sound quite dull. Murren, here we come. The beautiful scenery, the beautiful apartment and lots of skiing and après ski. Well maybe a bit of après ski with a 6- year- old in tow.’

Rebecca and Kieron had just returned home to their beautiful cottage on the Cornish coastline and honestly felt quite battered by this year’s family gathering. After moving to the Westcountry in the past year, Rebecca had felt obliged to spend their first Christmas with ‘the family’ they’d moved to be closer to. She was now seriously wondering if they’d made the right decision…about Christmas day and the move.

‘Well at least we didn’t consume as much as last year with my family’ added Kieron.

‘I know but no one gets as pissed as your family bun. Do you remember the show Natalie put on for us? She got so drunk, she had a fight with her hubbie, left the house for maybe three hours and fell asleep in the neighbour's garden. She was more upset that no one had noticed she’d disappeared . I just wish we could all get together for one lunch without irritating the shit out of each other.'

‘What does Oliver James say about families following the same script when they're thrown together? It’s true, isn’t it? The grappling for attention. I certainly saw it this year with your lot.’

‘I’m really sorry about the table plan.'

‘Not as sorry as me. I had to endure being sandwiched between your Catholic priest uncle who remained silent the whole time and your sister’s boyfriend. He is such a twat.’

‘I know, don’t get me started. Let’s just put it to one side for now and enjoy the peace.’

They polished off their bottle of Pol Roger and watched The Holiday for at least the tenth time before heading to bed.

As Rebecca drifted off to sleep, she had a very vivid dream about Christmas day…

‘Tap tap’ Judith tapped firmly on the back of the driver's seat.

‘What mum?’

‘Katherine darling, slow down. We’re not on safari dodging a wild moose now.’

‘Oh, this is nothing compared to South Africa and mum, and they don’t have wild moose out there. Duh! You should have seen the way I flawed our jeep around the camp. It gave the holiday makers quite a scare.’

‘I don’t know if I need to know that darling. All I’m saying it we are about to go around some very windy lanes and we have a child in tow.’

‘Oh, and George. Ha!’ said Katherine.

‘I hope that wasn’t directed at me,’ said Kieron. ‘Did you enjoy your time in South Africa Katherine?’ Kieron asked conscious he was the only male apart from 5-year-old George in a car of yappy women. 

‘Ya, I loved it. I even had a goat. It was amazing.’

Kieron and Rebecca looked at each other trying not to laugh out loud.

Katherine, Rebecca’s youngest cousin and daughter of Judith had escaped to South Africa to work on a safari camp and for some reason had picked up a strong South African accent. Kieron and Rebecca, both thought it sounded deranged for someone who grew up in North Cornwall and had quite a Cornish twang before she headed over there.

Katherine was a sweet girl but seriously indulged. Her mum was happy to fund her adventures until she found just the ‘right thing’ which didn’t really exist. They both found it very odd that a geology graduate was expecting to walk into a senior role heading up wildlife crime with no experience and also how to say politely, absolutely no social skills.

Judith whispered to Rebecca ‘How’s Sam doing?’

‘Oh, I don’t know.’ She whispered ‘I have to be careful what I say in front of small ears’.

‘I won’t say anything about his favourite aunty.’

‘She’s been her usual difficult self. She’s rude to us but then insists on spending time with our child and her feckless boyfriend still doesn’t have a job. Seriously, he has two children!'

‘Oh dear. As we’ve said before, she has no incentive as she knows mum and dad will pick up the pieces and will pay for her lifestyle.’

‘I know, don’t get me started. Talk about rewarding bad behaviour.’ 

As they pulled up to the beautiful 16th century hunting lodge in the middle of Devon, they car fell silent for a second and they all immediately spotted lots of familiar cars parked in the car park. Rebecca’s mum and dad had recently sold they book business and as a treat to their family, they’d offered to treat everyone to a Christmas meal at the beautiful lodge.

They were greeted at reception by a very petite smiley girl 'Hi, I’m Arabella, Happy Christmas. Are you all joining the Vickerstaff party? I’ll take you through.’

As they were taken through to the very cozy lounge with roaring fire, a couple of very posh girls offered to take their coats and offered them all a drink. In the far corner not too close to the fire all of Rebecca’s family had congregated. Rebecca wasn’t surprised to see everyone standing looking so well- groomed but her sister was slobbed on the sofa with her boyfriend. Was he wearing joggers? Surely not. No, I need to harness my inner snob for one day.

‘Do you have some robush tea, no milk?’ Katherine asked one of the servers in her crazy accent. Rebecca wasn’t surprised her cousin had asked for something leftfield. When Rebecca had helped her parents place the food order, Katherine was the only one to fuss and ask for more options.

The girl replied ‘I’ll check and see what we have. What can I get your little one?’

‘Squash will be fine, and we’ll have some bubbly thank you.’

‘Hi Mum, Dad, Happy Christmas. ‘

Happy Christmas darlings. Where’s our gorgeous little grandson?’

‘He’s just over there with Sam.’

In typical fashion, Rebecca’s younger sister and current bane of her life had scooped up George.

Rebecca predicted this exactly. It’s easier to fuss over the child than engage in adult conversation. 

‘Thank you so much darling for our amazing gift.' said Rebecca's mum.

‘Oh what did they get you?’ Aunty Dee asked.

‘Well, all the children chipped in and are sending us away to the most amazing Relaix and Chateaux Hotel in St Mawes. It was so kind of you.'

Rebecca’s sister suddenly appeared in the centre of the conversation ‘we really wanted to do something special for you this year mum and pops after all you do for us.’

‘Oh sweetheart’ said Rebecca’s dad tearing up and giving her overly indulged sister a hug. 

Rebecca gulped down her champagne and then ushered one of the posh girls over 'would you mind getting me a refill? I’m going to need it.’ Rebecca has asked her sister if she wished to contribute several times but had said she was skint. It appeared she was now happy to take the glory.

‘Of course, madam’

After a few more glasses of bubbly, the maître'd came through and announced, ‘If you’re all ready, I’ll show you to your table?’

Rebecca’s dad asked Kieron if he could come to the bar and order a few bottles for the table, and he willingly obliged.

On returning to the table, Kieron saw he was unfortunately sandwiched between Rebecca’s awkward uncle and the reprobate boyfriend who had conveniently turned his back.

Looking horrified by where he’s found himself, Kieron hollered desperately to Rebecca ‘Darling, I thought you said there’d be place names?’ 

‘I’m sorry I did send a table layout. They just have forgotten.’

Rebecca and Kieron had discussed the table plan at length to ensure George wasn’t surrounded by aunty from hell and her current squeeze.

Aunty Dee didn't wait too long before starting her series of questioning ‘Carlo, are you sad to not see your children today?’

The boyfriend had recently divorced his wife with whom he had two small children and moved in with Sam who was currently living with her parents. Cozy.

Sam replied to say, ‘well yes of course but we’ll see them tomorrow won’t we babe?’

Carlo and Sam then turned to George 'George, you’ll have to come and stay the night with aunty and Uncle Carlo soon and you can meet the kids.'

Kieron and Rebecca looked at each other and realised that sam was probably trying to get a rise from her sister.

Dad tapped his knife on a glass and stood up ‘I’m not one for speeches’

Everyone looked at each other and smiled trying not to giggle.

‘Well ok I do like to labour a point but I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for coming today and we’d just like to say, we’re so pleased Reb, Kieron and George have made the brave move from Sussex to Cornwall to be closer to us. We’re so pleased.’

‘Cheers’ everyone joined in and Rebecca’s dad sat down. He grabbed Rebecca’s hand at the table and she had to stop herself from tearing up.

As everyone started chatting, Sam stood up and said ‘well I just want to say thank you everyone who’s supported me and my business throughout the year. It’s going from strength to strength and I just wanted to say thank you.’

Rbeecca glanced at Kieron and they both thought the same thing ‘oh here goes the attention seeking’.

The room fell silent and then aunty Judith said ‘cheers Sam’

As the dinner went on, Sam and her boyfriend seemed to spend the entire lunch colouring in. They didn’t ask anyone a single question. When Kieron attempted to engage Carlo in conversation he kept turning his back to him. Rebecca attempted to speak to her sister and again she gave monosyllabic answers and then kept turning to George.

The lunch couldn’t have been more awkward than anyone thought and so Rebecca and Kieron were rather delighted to head back in the car with Katherine and her amusing accent.