The New Normal

Wake up, sanitize your hands

Make your bed , sanitize your hands

Take a bath, sanitize the whole bathroom

Throw your pajamas in the washer, sanitize your hands

Make some breakfast, sanitize your hands

Sneeze because of the sterile smell in the room, sanitize and dispose the whole paper towel, the milk, the fruits on your table, you’re not sure of the how far did your sneeze travel, so you opt for throwing the whole table contents all except the table since it one thing your late mother gave you on your graduation day

No more breakfast, you sit on the couch, request your groceries to be delivered by the time you’re home back from work

You wear your gloves , head to the garage, sanitize the locker and wait for ten minutes before you enter, careful not to touch anything on the way to your vehicle, you slowly open the boot, take out the aerosol sanitizer glad to see that indeed the can is empty

You go to the backseat and remove the lemon halves you left there overnight

You head to the driver seat and remove your gloves, open the sunglasses compartment and take out a new pair of gloves, place your fan on humid, and inch open your windows and drive out to work

You make sure that you don’t fight any drivers on the road, they want to overtake you allow , they want you to roll down your window, you change lanes

Two hours later you make it to work

You put on your face cloth mask, you tighten your surgical jumpsuit, pull up your 7907s full face mask respirator, change your gloves , and slowly headed for the Information Desk

You let the Guards check your temperature, you quickly fill in the paperwork, calling yourself all foolish names for not downloading the app ,the app that will ensure you just swerve past, now you will have to wash off the germs you will get from this area

After the registration you head to the Reception where Rosa your Receptionist is.You look at her non-existing safety measures and you shake your head , she is only wearing a 1 ply cloth mask and you make a mental note to her a get up similar to yours

“Morning Doctor, we have twelve bookings in total” She said wobbly, and she held her little button nose and that was my cue to leave to my own room which I kicked open, lock- closed the door and drew on the blinds I felt like I had to leave her own devices.

I was about to change my gloves, sanitize when my telephone rang

“Yes Rosa” I answered coolly hoping she’d hear my tone and leave me alone

“Can I come in so that we can go through the last visits of all the patients you’re seeing today?”

“Uhm no, I meant to say I am yet to fix my office and I wouldn’t like you to see it in this state” I played with my leg hoping she’ll end up the call

“You and a messy desk? That’s a first since you’ve always tidied your desk before the end of the day, anyways can I tell you on the phone?” She blew out an exasperated breath

“ I think an email will do wonders ” I said and rolled my eyes and she began chattering

Nearly twenty minutes later my inbox pings, and I know it’s an email from Rosa, my ever efficient Receptionist

RE:APPOINTMENTS AS AT 08/03/2021

Rosalind< Rosa@Drcares.co.za

To me

Good Day Dr

Kindly receive the attached schedule for today

1.      Mr Portmouth

He’s coming in to check his x-ray results as well as to do the Spirometry as you advised on his last visit

Oh Boy I hope he won’t blow out his breath on my face,I blame myself for forth-thinking without enough expectation for the worst case scenario like this damn pandemic

2.      Mr Ramsay

He’s coming in for his monthly ECG

ECG,ECG he will run himself to a faint while he spits all over…me, Oh God why did the day had to so germ certified

3.      Aunt Shirley

She’s coming in for her third dose of rabies vaccine, since it’s another decade with us she might bring in a cake and snacks

I am not pompous but I don’t know how to be the caring, welcome and safe at the same time

Do I sanitize food itself?

Consults telephonically? Whoever said that is clearly no Doctor you can’t do an ECG and Spirometry telephonically

Let me continue maybe the rest of it won’t be so tricky

4.      Liv

She’s coming in for her oral check up after the jaw surgery

Liv? Oral check up? Oral means mouth ,mouth means saliva, the medium of transportation of the virus

I think these are bad times to be a Doctor

Keep your patients healthy by keeping your distance and sanitizing the melanin off your skin

I wish I had studied Law like my Dad advised I would’ve been in court legally punching the Employers for firing the whole staff or something

My laptop Chimes and I feel like throwing the damn device across the room, but I know better than to do stuff like for the Practice is barely making the ends meet

We don’t offer the essential services

1.      PCR testing

2.      Sanitizers

3.      Gloves

4.      Masks

5.      Toilet Paper

6.      Purified Water

7.      Ginger

8.      Lemon

9.      Vicks vapor rub or any menthol ointment

10.   Plenty of vitamin c

Now back to my inbox

EMERGENCY APPOINTMENT REQUEST

Amila < amilaleroux@lostpet.co.za

To me

Hy Doctor

I am coming from work, the Guards did not let me in since my temperature was way above 39 °C

I told the fools that I have Hyperpyrexia, they called the Risk idiot who advised I get a letter from my GP stating my medical condition in simple English and they further requested that I do the PCR test, I have already made an appointment with the LAB . I need to come in for the two letters I will be there in half an hour I will come with Ranjeet, Mrs Howie and Thelma we heard that Aunt Shirley is celebrating another decade.

See you in a bit

Amila

If Amila knows about the cake that means half of my old patients are already on the way

How about the maximum number of patients allowed in the room?

I know for sure that Mendel the Guard will allow all of my patients in at the same time and they will crowd the place, share hugs and kisses as they always do whenever they meet at the rooms ,transmitting the virus everywhere Oh God I am doomed



 Author’s note

Spirometry: is a pulmonary function test that measures how much air a person breathes out and how quickly .Also known as Lung Function test.

ECG: is a test that quickly detects heart problems and monitor one’s heart health

PCR Test : Is a test performed to detect the genetic material from a specific organism, such as a virus

Hyperpyrexia: axillary temperature greater than or equal to 40°C …