73 comments
February 3, 2021
I will die in this house and no one will be here to see it. The thought comforts me.
****************************
“You smoke too much,” Ash said, eyeing the full ashtrays in the living area. He plopped himself down on the sofa and waited for Portia to finish what she was doing.
Portia took off her headphones and leaned back against the back of her chair, stretching, and rubbing her neck. She refilled her glass and drank deeply before moving to a chair opposite her brother.
“You also drink too much,” he added.
“I smoke the perfect amount of cigs and I drink the perfect amount of Scotch, Ash. Don’t be that brother who judges his sister on the partaking of tobacco and hootch.”
Ash frowned slightly and then let a smile wander across his face.
“Did you just say ‘hootch’?”
“I did. And I stand by my choice of that word. Hootch is a delightful noun. Liquor sounds gauche and spirits is just pretentious.”
“So,” Ash said.
Portia remained silent, content to smoke her cigarette and drink her Scotch. It would be up to Ash to get the conversational ball rolling. Frankly, I can do without it.
“How’s the hand?”
Portia looked at her right hand. Angry red scars raced along her palm, twisting and turning and never letting her forget why they were there.
“Fine.”
“So…uh…how’s the Twitch thing going?”
“I have 25,000 subs.”
Ash sat up, surprise invading his frame.
“Really? That many? Just to watch you play chess?”
Portia shrugged. She got up and made herself another drink.
“Yes. It seems that people like a girl who smokes and drinks while playing chess.”
Ash nodded absently, lost in thought.
“If you’re trying to figure out how much I make, don’t. Along with the merch and the online tournaments, I bring in around 200k. And I don’t spend much.”
Ash gave his siter a sharp, appraising look. Her mental health worried him. Specifically, he worried that she would never be who she used to be.
“No, I guess you don’t.”
“No need to.”
“Well, you haven’t left this house in six years.”
“No need to.”
“Or bought new furniture.”
“No need to.”
“Stop saying that.”
“No need to.”
****************************
January 3, 2015
Grunting, sweaty, burly man with fetid breath. He comes in quickly and does his business, then he leaves quickly. I cry each time. I try to clean myself, but it is never enough. I know he will kill me in this room. The thought terrifies me.
****************************
February 28, 2021
“Lydia and the kids would like to see you,” Ash said.
The afternoon sun had crept in, throwing sodium patterns against the far wall, lending an air of melancholy to the room. Smoke hung heavily in the air, moving to its own rhythm and taking its sweet time getting to where it was going. Leaves had fallen in force, covering the lawn. A few rebellious leaves skittered around in the cold breeze, scraping softly against the driveway and settling fitfully on the doorstep. Paint peeled from the house, the curls of latex threatening to commingle with the army of leaves.
“I send my affection to the love of your life and the spawn of your fertile loins.”
“God, sis! Really?”
“Ash. Don’t be that brother.”
“What brother? The one that finds fault with your choice of words? Well, I’m that brother,” Ash snapped.
Portia shrugged and lit a cigarette, adding to the smoke still loitering on the premises. Ash opened a window to encourage the cloying vapors to disperse. A chilly breeze freshened the room and caused Portia to put on a sweater.
“I had cod loin for lunch today,” Portia teased.
“Shut up.”
“I think I’ll watch ‘Tarzan’ tonight. He wears a loincloth, you know.”
“You’re an ass.”
“Live and loin, dear brother.”
“I get that you’re always going to be a little angry…”
“Could you loin me a few bucks? I need to pay…”
“Ok. I give in. Jesus, you’re intractable,” Ash said, shaking his head in irritation.
“Want a drink? Let’s see. I have tap water and Scotch and sparkling water and…well…more Scotch.”
Ash took the Scotch and downed it in one go. Portia watched him, a smile flitting across her face.
“Trouble in paradise?”
“No,” Ash said, refilling his glass, “trouble right here.”
“Ha!”
“Indeed. Listen,” Ash leaned forward, “there’s a new coffee shop three blocks from here. Very nice. Very hipster-ish. I was thinking…”
“No,” Portia said forcefully.
“Just think about it, sis. A quick little walk there. A cup of coffee. A quick little walk back. Easy peasy.”
Portia sighed and rubbed her arms anxiously. The idea of going outside made her skin crawl, and her heart beat uncomfortably fast.
“Sure. I’ll think about it before I reject it soundly.”
Ash shook his head and got up to leave. He closed the window, locked it, and let Portia inspect his work. The routine never varied.
“Be careful going home, bro.”
Ash looked at his sister sadly and slowly shook his head.
“I live next door to you.”
“Yes, well, the simplest, shortest journeys can be fraught.”
“Fraught?”
“Yes. Fraught. I leave the thought unfinished so that your fertile mind can conjure up things that are fraught.”
“Hmm. Well, thanks for not throwing another lame ‘loin’ pun at me. Mind you, the ‘fertile’ jab didn’t go unnoticed.”
“Great. Take care,” Portia opened the door and fingered the locks nervously.
“Can I hug you?”
“No.”
****************************
January 5, 2015
The chain allows me to get as far as the restroom, but no further. I can’t reach a window or a door. I wash myself but I’m still stinking of him. It won’t wash away. He has become more brutal. He tells me that after he’s tired of me, he’s going to strangle me and dump me in the woods for the animals to eat. He calls me vile names. I still cry every time he takes me. I don’t want to, but I do. I want to die right now, before he kills me. Dear God, just let me die!
****************************
March 11, 2021
“Interesting,” Ash said, watching Portia do her thing online. She drank copious amounts of Scotch and smoked a pack of cigarettes in four hours.
“Yeah, well, it isn’t really Scotch. It’s apple juice.”
“Wow, you’re such a fake!” Ash laughed.
“True. But it gets the job done.”
“What the hell is a Giuoco Pianissimo?”
Portia tamped out her cigarette and immediately lit another one.
“It’s Italian for the very quiet game. A chess opening.”
“Your preferred opening, apparently, judging by your comments. I don’t get it.”
“That’s because you’re a wood pusher.”
“A what?”
“You suck at chess.”
Ash nodded in agreement. He had played Portia a few times, right after the tragedy, and she had beaten him soundly each time.
“True. But…”
Portia sighed. Explanations were always so tedious.
“I play a positional game. Get everything in the right place at the right time before launching an attack. Protect yourself. It may seem boring to most, but it works.”
“I see.”
Portia laughed, but it wasn’t a kind laugh.
“No, you don’t. But no matter.”
The sun had just set, leaving a hazy dusk full of muted, beautiful colors as its parting gift to mankind. The air had become unnaturally still and soft, as if Mother Nature were holding her breath in anticipation of something sinister. Kids could be heard up and down the block, oblivious to the fading light as they continued to gambol about. A car door slammed, and a dog vociferously barked its displeasure at something.
“Have you given any thought to the coffee shop?”
“I have. I can drink coffee here for fifteen percent of the cost of Betty’s Beans. I don’t have to go anywhere, I don’t have to worry about rude or lackadaisical service, and I don’t have to fret about the proper amount to leave for a tip.”
“That isn’t the point,” Ash responded.
“Points. Ash. Points. And they are valid arguments against going to your hallowed caffeine hideaway.”
“I don’t hide there, sis. I drop in for a cup of joe.”
“Sure, sure. Lydia getting on your case about something?”
“What! No. It’s just…”
“Sure, sure. Listen, I don’t want to get in the middle of your domestic squabbles, but the coffee shop isn’t the answer. I like Lydia…”
“You’ve never met her,” Ash retorted, with some vehemence.
“But I’ve spoken to her. And she has to be a pretty decent person to have snagged you.”
“True. I’m a good catch.”
“That you are, but you’re also a slob and you’re a little judgmental.”
“I don’t think…”
“You judge me all the time, Ash. You’re decent enough to keep it to yourself most of the time, but you’re judgmental. You think I’m not living a good life, but I am. You think I’m still tortured by what happened. I am. But not in the way you think.”
“So tell me how you deal with what happened and not go completely insane, sis. You can’t be doing well if you refuse to leave the house.”
“Ash. Dear Ash. So clueless.”
“Wow. That’s harsh.”
“Listen to me. I follow the Giuoco Pianissimo, in chess and in life.”
“I…I don’t understand.”
“But I do, and that’s what matters. You have to trust me, Ash. You have to let me live my life.”
“Such as it is.”
“And there you go, being judgmental.”
“Yeah, sis, but it just isn’t right. You deserve to be out there, happy and…”
“I’m happy here, Ash. I have my online friends and my Twitch. Most importantly, I have my sanity.”
“You still drink too much and smoke too much.”
“Ha! The clarion call of the defeated!”
“Wha…”
“You know I’m right. When you start in on my drinking and smoking, you admit that I’m right and you’re wrong. That’s your tell.”
“Well, you do drink too much and sm…”
“Go home and give your wife the high hard one, Ash. That’ll take care of any little arguments you two are engaged in.”
“Portia!”
“Go! Leave me. I have things to do,” Portia said, pushing Ash gently towards the door.
Ash listened as Portia threw the three locks and put the heavy iron bar across the door.
“You’ll never get out if there’s a fire!” Ash yelled at the door.
“That’s the least of my worries,” Portia muttered.
The rest of the night passed uneventfully. Just the way Portia preferred.
****************************
January 7, 2015
I have a plan.
****************************
April 14, 2021
“I never heard of this group. Weird name,” Ash said, scrolling through Portia’s playlist.
Portia leaned over his shoulder to see who Ash was referring to.
“Dishwalla. A Native American term for one who steals cable T.V. from a neighbor.”
“So, ‘Pretty Babies’ is your intro. Pretty friggin’ grim, sis.”
“Yeah. Want a drink?”
“No.”
“What, then?”
“I need you to go with me to the coffee shop. Just once, and I can die happy.”
“Hmm. Die happy. Sounds ominous.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I know what you mean. You mean that you’ll feel like you accomplished something if you can get your poor, damaged sister out, just once. “
“Well…maybe.”
“You can’t fix everything, Ash. That extra chromosome doesn’t give you magical abilities, you know.”
“I never said…”
“But I’ll go. One time.”
Ash blinked, stunned at the offer.
“Next month. May the twenty-seventh. Seven P.M. We will walk there and I will order a caramel mocha. What will you have?”
“Uh…”
“I suggest a decaf coffee, no milk. You don’t need to get wound up before going home, and the dairy won’t do your gut any favors, either.”
“Uh…”
“It’s settled.”
“Well…”
“Just you and me. No Lydia. No carpet crawlers…”
“My kids have names, you know.”
“And then we’ll walk back. You will escort me into the house while I check all the rooms for unwanted guests. You will then go home and regale Lydia with your accomplishment. She will swoon and kiss you, and she will whisper sweet nothings into your ear.”
“Not likely,” Ash muttered.
“No? Which part?”
“Bite me, Portia.”
“Go home, Ash. Let your kids bite you. They’re at that stage, aren’t they?”
“Shut up.”
“I will. As soon as you leave.”
“Can I hug you?”
“No.”
****************************
January 10, 2015
I break the glass of the medicine cabinet with my fist. It hurts like hell but I can’t worry about that. All I can do is think through my plan. It must be done right. I pray to God that He lets me succeed.
****************************
January 11, 2015
He comes in to have his way with me again. It’s late and he’s drunk, as usual. I whimper, a little more than usual. He undresses and forces my legs apart. He is starting to enter me when I sit up and plunge a shard of glass into his neck. He gasps and grabs at his neck, but I have pulled the shard out and I continue to stab him in the neck, the throat, and finally they eyes. He tries to scream but only a wet, sucking, gurgling noise comes out. He falls on top of me. I push him off. I find the key to the chains in a pocket and get myself free. I take a shower and call the police. My hand hurts. I can’t stop the bleeding. But I’m free. For the first time in ten days, I feel alive.
****************************
May 27, 2021
Betty’s Beans was indeed unpretentious in its furnishings, but the establishment did offer a wide array of drinks. To Portia, the choices were bewildering in their numbers. She scanned the menu board for five minutes, scoffing gently at some of the drinks.
“Look, Ash. A flat white latte with chocolate sprinkles and a caramel drizzle. Sounds more like a dessert than a drink.”
“Yeah, okay. Just order.”
“Caramel mocha, barista.”
“Size?”
Portia looked up, surprised and a little disheartened. She hadn’t accounted for the different sizes. She looked to Ash for advice.
“Large. And I’ll have a large decaf, no milk, one Splenda.”
Portia smiled. Ash had taken her advice.
They sat down at a table farthest from the counter. A couple of customers were inside, both with laptops. Young and ambitious. And probably unafraid of the world. Idiots.
“Not so bad, right? Quiet. Peaceful. Serene.”
“Is today synonym day?”
“Shut up.”
“Fine. I’ll give it four more minutes before we leave. That should satisfy you.”
“A whole four minutes! I’m blessed,” Ash said, being as sarcastic as her dared with his siter.
Portia tossed her bag onto a seat at their table. It landed heavily in the seat.
“What the hell you got in there, sis?”
“Everything a woman on the go needs.”
“Like what?”
Portia stared at her brother and leaned forward.
“You’re not a woman on the go, so I decline to divulge. Ask Lydia, if you’re so curious.”
“Just trying to be a good brother.”
“Ha! That’s easy. You don’t have to wear a bra or suffer periods.”
“You don’t wear a bra,” Ash countered.
“True. Fortunately, I have small boobs. And what do men have to worry about?”
“Erectile dysfunction. Now can we change the subject?”
“Sure. Two minutes, then we’re outta here.”
“Can I hug you when we leave?”
“No.”
One minute later, a man wearing a hoodie came in and pulled a gun out, brandishing it in the cashier’s face. He was yelling out threats and instructions. He wanted the money in the register drawer or he would “put a cap in your sorry ass.”
Ash froze. The one thing that he promised wouldn’t happen while out with Portia was happening. He glanced at Portia, who was digging in her capacious purse for something.
“Now’s not the time, Portia! Sit still and be unobtrusive.”
Portia smiled at her brother as she stood up and walked to the counter.
The man in the hoodie turned and pointed his gun in her face, threatening to shoot her if she didn’t back away.
“I just wanted to say good-bye. So…good-bye.”
Portia then shot him twice in the chest. She put her pistol back in her bag and sat down again. Ash couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. He simply stared at his sister, his mouth open and his eyes unblinking. Portia continued to dig through her bag. She found what she was looking for in due time.
“So, what would be the appropriate tip in a situation like this?”
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.
73 comments
This story is a tour de force..it has everything that makes up a great read, and all in the right places. -:) And that ending, truly satisfying to this reader. 👍 If this site had video, you would see me doffing my hat to you. Congratulations. RG
Reply
Thank you very much, Richard. I really appreciate the kind words and the nice review. I doff a virtual cap to your cap doffing. LOL I see that you read Tom Robbins (from your bio). One of the few people I know who has done so. My favorite book by him is "Fierce Invalids, Home from Hot Climates." I applaud your choice of authors. An amazing list, my friend. You are better read than many of the English teachers I used to work with. Again, thank you. Truly. Cheers!
Reply
Yes, a big Tom Robbins fan. Wish I could kidnap his massive talent and extraordinary wordcraft. Haven't read Fierce Invalids.....but a good many of his others...... Woodpecker..... Cowgirls,,.... Roadside...etc. Have Frog Pajamas on my bedside reading stack just because I've been too lazy to put it back on the shelf and hope that maybe some inspiration may rub off. -:) Also meant to say earlier that the title of your story has a Stieg Larsson feel to it...I am also a big fan of his work.-:) In solidarity, Cheers! RG
Reply
Congrats on the shortlist. Certainly well deserved. This is an engrossing and foreboding story that nicely layers in the humorous banter with the determined brother to provide levity, but also to flesh out the MCs character. This is counterbalanced with the italicized vignettes that continually remind us of the life altering trauma. Framing the whole thing with the chess move, the quiet game she's playing, leads to the conclusion nicely, Love the title also.
Reply
Thanks so much Laurel, for the laurels. LOL Sorry, I couldn't resist. Yes, fleshing out Portia was the real challenge. What kind of character do you give someone who has suffered such trauma, yet fights to regain a semblance of life? That was tough. I used the brother as a straight man to show what she was now. I'm pleased that you liked it, and I also thank you for the congratulations. You're such a good writer, so it means a lot coming from you. Cheers!
Reply
Congrats on the shortlist, Delbert! A great line: “I did. And I stand by my choice of that word. Hootch is a delightful noun. Liquor sounds gauche and spirits is just pretentious.” Extremely suspenseful - well done! R
Reply
Thank you very much, Russell. I really appreciate the congratulations, and I truly appreciate that you liked my little tale. It was a fun write, but it wasn't an easy one. Cheers!
Reply
Congrats on the short-list! Well deserved and a great way to start the weekend!
Reply
Thank you very much, Wally. You're such a good writer in your own right, so the recognition from you means a lot to me. Cheers, my friend.
Reply
Great to see you make the shortlist again Delbert!
Reply
Congrats on yet another shortlist Delbert 👏👏
Reply
Thank you very much, Viga. I was very surprised by it, but also very gratified. And thank you for always commenting on my little tales. I truly appreciate your time and efforts in doing so. You're a real asset to Reedsy, and I hope everyone here appreciates you. Cheers!
Reply
Thanks Delbert for saying that. Nice to know that other writers feel that way about me. My self-esteem is taking a little beating this morning seeing first time Reedsy writers being shortlisted, but maybe it just takes a bit longer for others…or maybe never, C’est la vie. Keep up the good work both as a writer and a judge Delbert. I bailed on being a Reedsy judge 2 weeks ago. Too much “judging” to do with the books awaiting my reviews 😂
Reply
This is, hands down, the best piece you've written Del. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this psychologically taut and tense story has all the gambits to land you a well deserved win.
Reply
Wow, thanks so much for the high praise, Rebecca. A win would be nice, but your approval is the real prize. And I liked that you used the word 'gambit.' Nice! I was going for quiet and taut. I'm glad the tautness came through, as it isn't my forte. Maybe Portia is my good-luck charm. LOL Thanks again, my friend. Your opinions and insights on my little tales are highly valued by me. Cheers!
Reply
Delbert, I loved the delicate balance between siblings bickering (so familiar!) and the horror show Portia is recovering from. The dialogue is perfect. She refuses ever to be bullied again. He can't believe she won't submit to his elder brother bona fides. And, being a 'wood pusher' myself, I appreciated the subtlety of her following her pet strategy in her own life. This is a masterpiece and deserves a win. Let me be the first to congratulate you.
Reply
LOL If only! A win would be nice, but I'm not sure it's in the cards, my friend. Thanks so much for the kind words and the terrific praise, John. You're right: she'll never be subjected to bullying again - or whatever horror she experienced. I'm a wood pusher as well, John. I like the game, but the game is complicated. One false move and you can find yourself losing badly. The Giuoco Pianissimo is for experts. Portia became an expert in positioning herself in her life to her advantage. Again, thank you very much, my friend. You captured ...
Reply
It hit me later that my accolades might be seen as jinxing your story. I hope you don't see it that way. Portia is one of my favorite characters. Can only love her from afar. She learned to play a very slow game.
Reply
LOL Oh no, I never see such positive comments as a jinx. Rather, I see it as an affirmation that my tale is worth considering for recognition. If John K Adams thinks my story is good, then it's good. You're such a good writer and analyzer of stories, my friend; your insights carry real weight.
Reply
The structure of this story is so good. The little snippets in first person that explore the why of the current situation really add to the tension. The whole thing could have been bogged down in darkness, but the humour, and obvious affection between the two siblings, lightens the story, and provides that contrast which helps to highlight horror of the abuse she suffered.
Reply
Thank you so much for the kind words and the nice review, Michelle. The praise means a lot to me because you're such a masterful writer. I appreciate your time and efforts in reading and commenting on my little tale. Cheers!
Reply
Congratulations on the shortlist, I am not surprised by it. I would have been surprised is it wasn’t shortlisted. It was a very well crafted and well told story.
Reply
Thanks, Michelle. I'm always surprised when it happens. LOL OTOH, I always see your tales as being worthy of shortlists and wins.
Reply
Love, love, love your cast of commenters! I learn so much from them. Helps tremendously you're such a tremendous writer for them to comment on. What more can I say? Another great entry. How are the judges ever going to pick winners this week? So many winners!
Reply
Thank you so much, Mary. I really appreciate the kind words and the nice review. I sometimes learn more about my writing from the comments than I do from actually writing! LOL That's one of the great things about Reedsy. The community here supports and helps writers improve their craft. Again, thank you. Cheers!
Reply
The writing in this felt calculated but alive, much like the characters. I was so engrossed in the story that I had to go back to find the prompt because it fell into place so naturally.
Reply
Thank you very much, Chris. I appreciate the kind words and the nice review. Welcome to Reedsy. Cheers!
Reply
I feel like a broken record when I say this, but it's true: Your dialogue is some of the best on this site. The way that you always know the voices of your characters - their speech patterns, their diction, their inflection - is wonderful. Nothing every sounds weird or forced or unrealistic, and that's a tough thing to do well. So kudos. Lots of great stuff going on here too, from a writing perspective. Love the title and how it can both be taken literally (Portia literally plays the Giuoco Pianissimo on her Twitch streams for a living) and...
Reply
Thanks so very much, Zack. As usual, you find all of the relevant points, and you spot the themes. You appreciate POV and characterization. Most of all, I am chuffed that my dialogue is consistently good. I do work diligently at dialogue and characterization. As an expert in the field, your opinion and insights carry a lot of weight with me. Portia plays the "very quiet game," as evidenced by her agoraphobia. The Giuoco Pianissimo is characterized by being in the right position so that one may take advantage of their strengths. Portia took ...
Reply
Congrats on the shortlist, Del! Definitely expected to see your name on the front page, but I'm glad you got recognized all the same. That big win is coming one of these days, I know it.
Reply
Man, thank you, Zack. Perhaps it's coming, but your approbation, and others', is worth every line I sweated and pondered over. Great writers like you teach me so much, my friend. I am fortunate to have such good literary friends. Cheers!
Reply
Wow this story! I was absolutely hooked right from the beginning until the end. Amazing.
Reply
Thank you very much, Jennifer. I appreciate the kind words and the nice review. It pleases me greatly that you were hooked. Perhaps Portia is a character that lives quietly but has a great impact. Again, thank you so much. Truly. Cheers!
Reply
-“You smoke too much,” Ash said, eyeing the full ashtrays in the living area. - I love this opening line, brings you straight into the scene and sets up the sibling relationship. The brother-sister relationship here is so well drawn and the love and bond they have shines through the banter and sarcasm. I especially enjoyed her commentary on his wife and children. Portia is such a great character and I enjoyed her arc of how she finds a way to take back control of her own life at her own pace. I love the turn at the ending too, unexpected y...
Reply
Thank you so much for the praise and the nice review, Kelsey. You hit the nail on the head; Portia won't be at the mercy of anyone again. Hence, the title. The very quiet game (in chess) is all about positioning, and then striking at the right time. Portia adopts this strategy and adapts it to her life. Again, thank you for the review. I truly appreciate it, coming from an accomplished author such as you. Cheers!
Reply
Wow wow wow. I love the dark humor you worked in. Your build up was intriguing and kept me interested even when darker stories usually lose me. “Yeah, well, it isn’t really Scotch. It’s apple juice.” - For me, this sums up Portia in a single sentence, unexpected, a bit quirky, and in control of her surroundings despite her struggles. All in all, excellent story. Thanks for sharing!
Reply
Thanks so much for the kind words and the nice review, K Lark. Yes, Portia is in control of her surroundings nowadays, hence the chess opening she chooses to employ. The very quiet game is all about position and readiness to strike. You picked up on the essential theme. Well done. Again, thank you. I appreciate the analysis. Cheers!
Reply
Bloody hell Delbert not what I was expecting at all! Great story. Wonderful depiction of 'the incident', the supporting brother and the rehabilitation and recovery journey. Extremely well told.
Reply
Thanks so much, Stevie. I'm pleased that you liked the twist at the end. It was a very dark tale, but it ended with hope. And a little violence. LOL Still, Portia played the very quiet game and came out on top. That's the goal, right? Again, thank you, my friend. Cheers!
Reply
She did indeed,
Reply
A very interesting character in Portia, here. Like others said, yes, her story's one of recovery. Maybe because of the wounded hand, it reminded me a bit of Gerald's Game - except of course, that was consensual. No doubt about it, she went through horror. Weaving it with the present day gives us a good perspective on her life, and though we know she survived, it's still very tense. "Yeah, well, it isn’t really Scotch. It’s apple juice" - I was wondering, especially in competitive chess :) But I wonder, is her story a story of *just* he...
Reply
Thanks so much for the nice review and the always splendid analysis, Michal. Portia is an enigma, especially to her brother. What she went through earlier in her life made her what she is today: a person that doesn't hesitate to take action. She will never suffer what she had suffered before, even if it means shooting someone. The robbery was a coincidence, but I had to do something to show how she had changed from being a victim to being the one who dictated terms. I'm glad you liked the ending. Yeah, a little dark, but funny. Again, ...
Reply
Woo! Congrats Del! Glad to see this getting some recognition - and more readers :)
Reply
Thank you very much, my friend. It was a surprise, let me tell you. I'm gratified by the recognition, but I'm happier having wonderful writers like you comment on my tales. Cheers!
Reply
Delbert, A story of rehabilitation, I believe. Coming in the form of shooting someone. There's nothing like a bit of self-help to speed up the healing process. I liked Portia. Her dry wit was funny and not all sarcastic. Although, she was still apprehensive - due to her time in captivity and used as a sex slave, she oozed confidence. That certainly helped her on her first jaunt out into the real world. Without the previous hostage experience, the coffee shop robber would have gotten away, or killed someone. Sometimes, we have to experience...
Reply
Thanks so much, Chris. I really appreciate that you got the theme of self-help and empowerment and hope. This was difficult to write. There was a story about a young woman being abducted here in the states. She escaped after a week or so. My wife and I discussed this, and she helped me with the young woman's probable mindset. And so, the tale was born. I liked the line about the kids at the stage of biting as well. It also made my wife chuckle. Thank you again, my friend. Your analyses are always worth reading and reflecting on. Cheers!
Reply
Congrats on the shortlist, mate!
Reply
Thank you very much, Chris. It was a surprise - big one. Still, the recognition is good. Truthfully, I value comments from writers like you just as much, or more, than a shortlist. Cheers, mate!
Reply
Pretty grim tale, Delbert. It does infuse a sense of foreboding as the slices of horror are served at proper intervals - perfect for a horror piece. The banter between Ash and Portia and your wonderful descriptive paragraphs about nature offer relief, only for the horror to hit back harder. Excellent technique and delivery!
Reply
Yes. As you say, pretty grim. But - and here's the key - Portia always has hope, yet her brother seems to have abandoned any real hope for her. Odd, wouldn't you say? The slices of horror were so difficult to write, so I got a little help from my wife about what would be the most horrible thing to happen to a normal young woman. I'm glad you found the writing to be good, Suma. It really isn't my cup of tea, writing horror tales, but I need to expand my writing a little and work on things that I'm not good at. I don't quite have the lyrical ...
Reply
Good heavens! Portia the heroine to the rescue. Quite the twist. But yeah, sexual abuse can do that to a woman. I should know…but that’s a story for another day. Superb use of dialogue to show, not tell. One always knew who was speaking. And I love dialogue as a means of revealing character. Great writing as always, Delbert
Reply
Thanks so much, Viga. I really appreciate that you liked the dialogue - and the twist. Your analysis is always enlightening and welcome, my friend. Cheers!
Reply