Black Friday

The sun was dipping below the palm tree dotted horizon of Rosecrans, fiery orange and red like the end of my cigarette. I tapped it the wall behind me and grabbed my 40oz taking a swig before my buddy Colin practically snatched it from my mouth.

“Dude!” He took a swig and hand it back to me grinning.  

“’Bout to make a speech.”

“Like a toast?”

“Of sorts.” Then he kicked a beer crate center stage of the patio and swiped another beer off the nearby table and lift it to the air.   

“Hey!” My other buddy Lamar said. Must’ve been his beer.

“Fiends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears cause tonight is the night, the night of all nights, for tonight we ride strong to a real horrorshow song…” Colin declared from atop the beer crate in our friend Lamar’s garage. We were getting hyped for tonight cause tonight was the eve of Black Friday and the 6 of us had nowhere to be except here drinking beer, shooting pool or dicking around on my cherry wood Epiphone like we did most days but when the clock struck 3, we knew where we’d be. And when it did, we were ready.

 “Jimmy!” Colin pointed at me hastily. “You’re riding with me. Let’s rev her up, shall we?” We divvied up into 2 cars, 3 and 3, Colin driving me and my best girl Johana in the 1965 refurbished white Mustang we’d “borrowed” from the valet at the Pasadena Promenade. Jason drove his faded beige DeLorean with Lamar and Stefi who already looked cozy sharing the front passenger seat and a cigarette.

“Gotta get yourself a better car huh Doc?” Colin tapped Jason’s car door.

“It may not be a shiny Mustang, but she can clock over 100.” Jason popped up the door and got in. It was his dad’s old car, and he thought the thing was the shit, (which was actually pretty cool but not the way he kept it full of beer cans and rusty edges), vintage being the thing these days. Colin smirked.

“Yea…” He spun his keys in his hand.

“It’s alright, Lamar says he’ll get us another nice ride from the Roosevelt next week.” Stefi said grinning flirtatiously.

“Saw the sweetest fucken Lambo cruising down Vine the other day.” Lamar threw his cigarette butt out the door before Jason slammed it down.

“It’s not about the ride it’s about the endgame, ok?” Jason adjusted the rickety mirrors.

“Well, isn’t the ride half the fun?” Colin said sliding into the front seat of the Mustang. Jason shot him some slight side eye turning the key into the ignition.

We’d grabbed a couple beers and blunts for the ride and then the essentials; Johana had her pistols, Lamar his sickle (kusarigama specifically), as they were elves, the most agile and effective with their choice weapons; and Jason had his 25 inch iron head war hammer because he had a specialty for smashing and pillaging. Stefi and I didn’t bring weapons as we felt further enhancement on our specialty skills just wasn’t needed at that time. Colin had a basic Glock 17, but it was just for show as he said he was probably the ‘most particularly skilled’ out of us (him and Jason always debated the authenticity of that claim on more than one occasion.)

The engines revved up and we were on our way, speeding down Santa Fe. It was still a nice 65, the wind not bothering any of us a bit. Colin drove with the charismatic intensity like that of a psychopath, a slight half smile curling up the right of his mouth. Jason eventually approached with the DeLorean from behind, then pulled up next to us.

“Nenenenenenene hehehehehe!” Stefi cackled, shaking her frizzy pigtails out the passenger window. Jason barely glanced sideways sporting a small, smug grin speeding past him. Colin just smiled and shook his head, turning up the radio, Cerrones ‘Supernature’ pumping out the speakers.

Johana polished her pistols feverishly. I pulled a joint from my blue chrome cigarette case about to light when Johana nudged me.

“Mines bigger.” she showed me her long cigarillo. I chuckled closing it back up and she lit it up.

“You ready for this guys?” I asked them. She exhaled silky white smoke passing it to me.

“Same as we ever were.” A fancy swirl of smoke exuded up from her mouth. I inhaled and blew my smoke out the window, my arm resting atop it, looking at the colorful blurs of the buildings and trees lining Wilshire Boulevard, decorated for the holidays.

I passed the joint up to Colin and grabbed 2 beers from Jo’s Jack Skellington knit knapsack on the floor. I cracked them open with my lighter and handed the other to Jo. We clinked them together and guzzled them down while the SoCal winter wind hit our faces, her long platinum blonde hair flowing along with it. Colin rounded the corner onto La Brea, whizzing by Jason, laughing to himself.

We arrived at Beverley Grove mall 5 minutes to 3. We opened the trunk of the Mustang where we had an assortment of white masks to complement our black hoodies. I took my Venetian plague mask, Jason got his well, Jason mask, Lamar his horse head mask, Stefi her wolf mask and Johana a bandana, looking like western outlaw. Colin picked up his Guy Fawkes mask and hopped onto the bumper of the back of the Mustang. He stood tall, in a white shirt he’d painted with a black skeletal logo reminiscent of the Punisher, ripped jeans and Chucks with holes made, not bought.

“Here we are brothers and sisters, the stench of consumerist chaos upon us, but tonight we show those greedy fat cat fucks who prey on feeble mortal minds that their charade of bullshit is just that; bullshit…” he thrust his index finger forward dramatically in the air and we hooted and hollered. Then Jason jumped onto the bumper edging Colin off.

“And now brothers and sisters we pillage!” he raised his hammer high, and we hooted and hollered again, Colin slightly side eyeing him before we commenced with our plan, hurrying into the mall.

Then that’s when it began-the smashing, banging ultraviolent noise we were best at; Stefi dropped her hoodie dress and her transformation began, back arching, hair sprouting long and frazzled as she took her bestial form, leaping headfirst and smashing though the window of the toy store tearing and shredding pink ponies and franchise action figures. I heard Michael Buble crooning a Christmas tune in the background while we commenced chaos. I cracked half a smile while I passed Johana shooting through the festive window of the Posh Hipster store, dual wielding her pistols, reducing the mannequins in their pretty, overpriced clothes to smoking Swiss cheese. I went around to the iStore summoning the power to my shaking hands while the shops windows, decorated with the newest and shiniest of plastic tech products, froze and shattered. I hopped inside, walked through the aisles of more shiny metallics, my hands tensing by my side while I spread a fine layer of frost atop it. Then with a sweep of my arms shattered all that shiny plastic tech to bits. I felt a couple droplets of blood fall from my nose, which happened sometimes, wiping it away swiftly.

I heard an explosive crash outside. The carousel in the lobby kicked on and the menagerie of animals started spinning round to Shostakovich’s Waltz No. 2.

Colin waltzed around, swinging his arms, shooting fire through those festive shop windows.

“La da da, de da da DA!” he had his arms outstretched like an archer, forming a fireball then shoving it forth blasting into ‘Santa’s Workshop’ display, leaving it an eerie, ashy black in contrast to the surrounding bright holiday colors. He cackled.

“Did you see that, Jimmy? Great balls of fire!” he swung his arm down and around in a sweeping motion and punched up in the air, still laughing maniacally.

I heard more explosions nearby, banging and crashing from Jason and Lamar’s ruckus. I made my way towards them at the Walstroms department store next door. Jason was cracking the walls, obliterating stones and glass to shards all around the jewelry section with his hammer. Nearby was Lamar, swinging his sickle and waving his arms around in articulate swishes, swooshing and smashing fancy shoes, shades, perfumes, and other overpriced things. I went over where he was now near the jewelry section. He looked around at the shattered glass, at the sparkling disarray surrounding him. He picked up a Cartier watch, admiring it.

“Damn though…” he put it down then looked at the other glittery things, gold chains, diamond encrusted watches and rings. I bent down and picked up the Cartier watch.

“That’s some shiny shit ain’t it? Woah what’s this…” he put a silver chain necklace with pendant of a snarling tigers head around his neck.

“Oh no…” Colin was next to us sporting the same necklace.

“Nah, put that down I had it first.” Lamar made a swatting motion with his hand blowing an impressive display of earrings over.

“Put down the Haterade kay?” He adorned his neck in some plain gold chains. “How’s this then?”

“Golden…” Lamar admired himself in the cracked mirror before him.

“Whatever.” Colin salvaged some more shiny shit from the mess.

“You dweebs would be trying on jewelry.” Jason stomped through the tiny bright shards then manipulated the two matching pendants they wore off them and into his large fist, smashing and melding them together into a clump of silver.

“The fuck?!” Lamar threw his hands up. I dropped the watch. He threw the waded-up silver ball at Colin’s head who looked livid, then calmed.

“Someone like you just can’t possibly appreciate fine taste.” He just continued to admire some rings he tried on his fingers.

“Ima eat the rings off your fingers…”

“The fuck you will…” Jason manipulated a silver ring off Colin’s left ring finger and into his hand and then chomped it down.

“How about I meld your mouth together?” Colin said raising his fiery fist with half a smile.

“Ok…” Jason spun his hammer.

“Nah…” Lamar threw both his hands out simultaneously, throwing both back a couple inches.

“Heh heh…why don’t we find the girls?” I asked, scratching my head in a distractive plea.

“Right, let’s gather round yea?” Colin tore off his gold chains and threw off his remaining rings and led us back out to the lobby. I saw Lamar and Jason grab handfuls of shiny shit before we left the store. Colin issued a sharp whistle and stood upon the bench in front of the carousel.

“Bwitches!” He addressed all of us in a clever (or accidental) portmanteau and clapped his hands together twice. The girls came out from a nearby boutique. Stefi, back to her normal form now, sported a tight new leopard print dress under a mink fur collar coat and black knee-high boots. She had heart shaped shades covering her eyes and a gold chain necklace with a crown jeweled pendant, Johana next to her loaded with bracelets of colorful stones.

“We had to get some ice first.” Stefi said unapologetically.

“Who said we could take any bougie gifts? We are here making a statement.” Colin snatched the gold necklace from off her neck.

“Ey puto! That shits pricey!” Stefi snatched the broken necklace back from his hand.

“You didn’t pay for it.”

“We’re here to fuck shit up not steal the pretty bling.” Jason chided sarcastically.

“I’m sure that’s what the bulges in your pockets are or you just happy to see me again?” He scoffed.

“Yea we here makin’ a statement which should be we take what’s ours right?” Lamar shrugged, displaying more silver and gold chains around his neck.

“Yea, shit, don’t be tellin’ me what to do! I earn my keep…” Stefi twiddled with her broken necklace.

“Right, alright…” Colin said almost apologetically, then he snagged the shades off her face.

“‘Ey really?!”

“You know they look better on me.” He set them atop his masks eye slits.

“Whatever, keep em then but ima need a disguise! I’m all exposed now bitch…” Lamar pulled a bandana from his back pocket.

“You need this?”

“Ah thanks baby that’ll do.” She wrapped it around the bottom half of her face like Johana. Colin looked past the carousel where some lights started to appear.

“It seems we’ve finally drawn some attention.” He pointed toward the growing lights. “Time to head out yea?”

We ran back to the parking garage, admiring our work from above, flames aglow, shattered glass sparkling in the moonlight. Colin’s fire tag of our holy hexagram-with a little smiley and two Xs for eyes in its middle-burned bright in the lobby. I slid up my mask to better admire it.

“Job well done though huh?” Colin nudged me, his mask slid back atop his head.

“It’s so pretty I could take a picture.”

“But you don’t have an Instagram or anything to post it on, tsk tsk, what a shame.” he shook his head, hands on his hips. I could practically see the fire dancing back in his eyes. I looked again at the brilliant scene of destruction we’d laid about.

Then I saw the mall 5-0s finally heading our way. I nodded my head towards the others but before they could get too close, I froze them where they stood (it’d wear off in a couple minutes, but it bought us enough time to make our hasty escape.)

We jumped into our respective cars and Colin sped off screeching in the lead, smoke rising slowly from the pavement.

“Woo!” He laughed and hooted, and Jo and I joined along in the excitement. I noticed a cop car start tailing us now. Colin turned to me.

“Take the wheel Santos, I’ll take care of this.” We switched seats clumsily but hastily. Colin pulled his mask back down, turned around and out the passenger window, whipped out his gun and fired a couple shots in their direction.

“Colin!” I cried out, stifling my nervous laughter. I heard gunshots whiz by our way while I tried to swerve round and out the way calmly as I could.

“Right, alright, chillin’ out now…” he lowered his gun and slid back into the car.

“Let me take care of this” Johana popped out her window whipping up one of her pistols taking direct shots at the approaching vehicles tires, making them skid around. Another car approached from behind that one.

“Let ME take care of this.” Colin popped back out his window and shot a few fine fireballs flaring up their wheels. A gust of wind via Lamar slowed that car to a stop and into another, then Jason’s rumble shook it up, the ground vibrating, throwing the cars off enough for us to finish our getaway.

After that we all had another good laugh at the sight, taking in the exhilaration. I looked at Colin who had blood dripping down from his nose.

“Ah, your nose…” I tapped my nose in gesture.

“Huh, must’ve partied too hard!” He joked wiping it off hastily with his hand. “I’ll take over from here…” we switched seats clumsily again, swerving sharply round the bend onto Laurel Canyon.

We drove up and through the hills onto Mulholland, the dark purple of dawn barely gleaming over the horizon, sharing more joints and excited laughter while a lofi mix of ‘Riders on the Storm’ played on the car radio. I covered Colin’s eyes goofing, while we went round a bend.

“Oi!” He swatted my hand and swerved over at the next pullout. Johana fell sideways on the backseat, and we continued laughing. I saw Jason zoom by us, Stefi “Wooting!” and laughing in passing. I turned to Colin.

“So…what’re we doing dude?”

“Just taking a moment…” he stared out the window, then opened the doors and made his way towards the cliff edge. Johana had apparently gotten comfortable on the back seat and was snoozing soundly. I got out and followed him.

It was a pretty great view we had, you could see the panorama of Los Angeles, the lights twinkling against the murky purple sky. There was a cactus nearby decorated with Christmas lights. I couldn’t help but curl a bit of a smile myself.

Colin handed me a cigarette and we lit and smoked in silence for a moment, overlooking the still sparkling city. Then he turned to me.

“Oh yea, got you something…”

“What’s that?” He tossed it at me. I looked at the shiny Cartier watch from Walstroms.

“The Cartier? I thought we weren’t taking any bougie souvenirs?” he shrugged.

“Shiny’s a good look on you bru’.” I smirked, shook my head looking at that shiny watch, sliding it onto my wrist, so big and flashy, a bit heavy for me really. I slid it back off and into my pocket.

“You know Jimmy, we’re gonna run this town someday…” He exhaled smoke looking back out at the horizon.

“Is that so?”

“You better believe it bratty.” he tapped his cigarette against his pants. I nodded along.

“Guess I’m down with that.” The smoke and early morning air mingled in a hazy cloud around us.

“Well, I suppose we better get to it then huh?” he flicked the cigarette down, ashing it out with his shoe then started back toward the car. “There’s much to do and a new day dawns upon us.” He made a last dramatic sweep of his arm toward the skyline before we settled ourselves back in the Mustang. He stuck the key into the ignition and revved her up again, and we sped off into the sunrise.