Hell and Back

The hall clock in the center of the station chimes, marking the new hour. The clock reads 9:00 am, even though there is no sun in sight. In this realm, night and day are one and the same.

“Next!” I shuffle to the front of the line.

“Where to?” I am so occupied with leaving this hell hole that the thought of where I am going does not even cross my mind.

" Uh, heaven?” The ticket handler rolls his eyes.

“The Asphodel Meadows. The train is coming now.” I take the ticket from his hand and make my way to where the train is supposed to arrive. I note that this train station is eerily silent. There is no lively chatter or the sound of clacking shoes against the tiled floor. Instead, we all drift at the same sluggish tempo in silence. Any and all evidence of life is void so we never truly forget that our souls are not yet at rest. I grip my hand around the ticket in my fist, grateful that I am finally leaving the worst part of the underworld, The Fields of Punishment.

“All aboard, to The Asphodel Meadows!”

The passengers ahead of me file into their respective seats in silence. I board the train, ducking my head at the entrance door and walk along the washed-out wooden flooring that creaks under the weight of my steps. While looking around for my seat, D-19 I can’t help but take glances at the passengers that fill the train and I’m met with blank stares. My seat is at the back of the train next to the back door leading to another train cart. I slide into the blood-red velvet chairs and watch the other passengers board the train from the rain-splattered window. When I was living, on rainy days like this, I would go for a smoke on my balcony and watch the pedestrians run for shelter. I haven’t had a cigarette in ages. I miss dusting the ash off the end and the feeling of crushing it under my foot.

A large sigh is huffed near me. I look up and positioned in the seat across me is a man who looks like he is in his late 50‘s. He has a bright smile on his face and is looking directly at me. It is unusual to look into anyone’s eyes in this realm and see emotion. When our eyes meet I see a twinkle of life that I remember seeing from when I was alive. Looking at him you could not tell that he was dead.

“What’s your name, boy?” Boy? When I died I was in my thirties and I hardly look young. The old man stretches his legs out and places them on them next to me.

“Umm…” I’m disgusted by the sight of the soiled soles of his shoes that are filled with dirt and other substances I cannot identify.

“Spit it out.” I peel my eyes off his shoes and turn to face the man.

“My name is Sam”, I say.

“Sam, Sammy, Samuel”, he sings these names in a cheerful tune. The train begins to move and the old man stands up and cheering and begins kissing the floor. My reflexes force me to move closer to the window and farther from him.

“Finally, I’m free!” He returns to his seat but this time he lies down on the chair with his head held in the palm of his hand supported by his elbow. We pull out of the station and through the window, we can see the underworld in all its glory. There is nothing but dirt and mountains that stretch out for as far as the eye can see. We watch the melancholic scenery accompanied by the sound of a thundering red sky and the distant torturous screams that it drowns out. Death comes quickly to the living but the afterlife is painfully slow for the soul. Especially, when every waking moment is spent in some form of torture. The old man bursts out laughing. “I’m not going to miss this. Not one bit.” His energy is contagious, I cannot help but smile a little as well.

“You know, I worked closely by Hades himself.” This catches my attention. I have never seen Hades. I’ve only ever heard cruel things.

“That is if you count being Cerberus’s chew toy as work. But you know, I deserved it. I was a wicked tyrant when I was living. What’s your story, kid?”

“I don’t have a story.” At least not one worth sharing.

“Everyone has a story.” The old man turns to the woman in the seat next to us. The woman is wearing a cloche hat, so we can only see the lower half of her face from the side.

"Celeste, tell this young boy your story." Celeste faces us and her beauty is eye-catching. She is wearing bright red lipstick and she has eyes that draw you in.

"I killed a man." The old man grunts to voice his disapproval.

"Good try but I'm going to need you to add a little pizazz to your story." After a moment of silence she says, "I killed my husband...with poison and I enjoyed it."

She smiles showing her pearly white teeth. The old man begins looking around.

"Okay let's get somebody else in here." He stands up and guides his finger to a man in the front of the train.

"That is Elias, he sunk a whole ship of people after robbing them." He points to another man who has bushy eyebrows and a large beard. He seems to have a permanent sneer marked on his face.

"Where to begin with Ivan. He was a tsar, he beat his pregnant daughter-in-law, killed his son and was infamous for his wrath." The old man then points at a woman wearing all black and has blunt-cut bangs.

"Here we have, Jen. She was a serial killer." He sits back down and shrugs his shoulders.

"Like I said, everyone has a story."

What is my story? I was a sinner through and through. I’ve always known that the world is an ugly place and to survive I had to become ugly. I stole, I lied, I was a hypocrite, a proud one. But I know that it was never the little things that secured my place here. It was greed.

“I would have done anything for a dollar. All of my clients knew that. So if you wanted a job done, any job I was the guy they would call. The higher the job paid the more I felt inclined to do it. This one time one of my clients was angry with me because I lied about doing the job. I figured if I could con the poor schmuck then I would save myself some time. But, he came to my house and told me I had to repay him. I didn’t.” The old man sits upright and crosses his legs. I notice Celeste watching me speak and then I see the rest of the train listening in on my story. I continue speaking because I know that my audience all have similarly disturbing stories.

“I told him he can take anything he wants but I’m not giving him his money back. So he told me he would kill my wife and I let him. He slit her throat right in front of my daughter.” I remember the large gash across her neck from where blood seeped through and soaked her clothing. My daughter would not stop screaming, but I was too numb to feel any remorse back then.

“The greed didn’t stop there. I abandoned my daughter for a job I had to take far away from home. With the path I was headed on, it was inevitable that I would die soon. I never saw my daughter after I left.” After I'm done speaking, I keep my head down in shame.

“Sounds like you’ve got unfinished business to me with your wife and kid", says Celeste. I look up and the rest of the train nods in agreement.

“Not with my wife. When I got to The Fields of Punishment I saw her there and we’ve made our peace over the years. I’ve paid for my crimes. I just want to finally rest.” Once I make it to The Asphodel Meadows all I’ve done will become erased and I can start all over again.

The old man says, “You will never be at rest if you don’t make amends. The guilt will be your punishment for eternity. So, I say you go back to the realm of the living.”

Once again the passengers all nod and make murmurs of approval.

I know he is right. My heart aches at even the thought of what I did. Hell distracted me from the guilt for a bit but now, the silence is almost unbearable because I feel my mind digging up memories that I hoped the searing heat burnt away.

“You’ll need to get off at this stop. I'm getting off here too", says Celeste. The train comes to a halt. The old man grabs my hand before I can leave.

"Before you leave son, never forget that regret and guilt will feed off of joy until there is none left. That advice has saved me a couple of years of my time. ” The passengers all clap as I make my way with Celeste to the front of the train. I turn back and wave to the old man before getting off the train.

"Do you know who that man is?" I shake my head

"He told me that he is your great grandfather. He came from The Asphodel Meadows to guide your soul." I turn to look back at the station and see the old man with the same bright smile on his face as when he boarded the train. Celeste and I part ways there and I make my way to the ticket station motivated by my burning desire to heal.

“Where to?” I could not remember what the old man had called it.

" Uh, earth?” The ticket handler rolls her eyes.

“The realm of the living.”

When I step out of the train and into the realm of the living, it is too bright for me to open my eyes. But I hear birds chirping and the sound of wind rustling the trees. After a few moments, my eyes flutter open and I am met with the sight of a blue sky that is enough to bring me to tears. I notice that the sun’s rays go through me like I am made of glass. I stretch my arms out accepting the light and I feel hope shine through the darkness that has grown inside me. Even though I am dead, I almost feel like I’m alive again. I stand tall and look directly into the sun. I've gone through hell and back to find my way back to you. Papa is almost home.