What seemed to me like a sudden thump,
entered my spine like a hole inside a heart
I felt awoken by a surprise
Colour pouring down,
Limbs full of pain
A canvas that only held the darkness of blood.
Sweet noises evoked.
Yet only danger hid within,
‘Death is like the coal that fire leaves behind’. Like I had always told myself.
‘Time passes like a horse’s gallop.
Their hooves hitting the ground like waves overlapping sand. The waves like a bride’s dress as she dances in the moonlight.’
Whispered a voice from behind.
I was in a room. It scared me to realise that I went to sleep in my bedroom. Yet, I woke up here.
My chest pounding hard, rawness awoke.
My shoulders felt slumped and sore,
‘I’m here, here to help’ whispered a person to my ear.
Wrapping their hand around my face, stroking it like the fur of a pliable bunny.
‘Here to help the world see you once again, we as humans must remember that time goes fast, and every fairy tale has an ending’.
I shivered, my heart beating faster than a drum. Moments of my past went flashing through my head, images of my mother, father and sister surrounding me.
Out the corner of my eye, I saw my mum rush through the door, tears running through her eyes.
‘Please, please don’t take my baby girl. I love her, just please.’ My mum screamed tears flooding the room as my eight-year-old self-stood waiting.
‘Time has come’ the person said.
'Mummy I love you too' I smiled. I looked over at my mum as she hung her head through the door, the saddest I had ever seen her.
The person held tight to my head cackling, as the room flashed red.
And I saw nothing.
The day my sister died, haunted many. My mum still remembered poking her head into the pantry seeing a woman holding Starla's head. I wasn't home that time, but when I arrived home along with my dad all I could see was my sister dead on the ground. Along with my mum crying the life out of her.
The killer had left, leaving no trace behind.
Only fear sadness,
had left themselves behind.
No money could make me forget her smile.
no words could fix the damage.
My sister's life ended short,
But she is safe now and so am I.
I looked up at the stars, remembering my presence
My teeth and jaw, sore of smiling
‘Stars are the light of imagination,
But nothing could retain my pain.’
Tears of sadness lifted me up.
I felt Starla’s presence,
The death of Starla was unknown, her body was taken away the night after.
It was all across the news, she was an angel
‘Fly high Starla, you are the star that let out my inner stout’ I cried
I looked up to the stars,
Pure grace and elegance left my heart shuttered to the ground.
I was never wrong, never right.
I commemorate the time she left us, but it was me.
I was the reason she left us.
I still remember that day.
Third of September.
‘Please, it’s not hard,’ I begged as I looked straight into Mary’s eyes.
Ocean’s waves sailing, like a leaf floating across a river.
Glittering in the moonlight, leaving a trail of shells to wonder.
Sun beaming, shooting rays of light.
Light brighter than a star.
Mary’s eyes pondered across the room,
She placed her hand on mine, I could feel the softness spreading through my hand. ‘I could, I know you’ve only wanted one child. I understand she was a mistake, but she’s your daughter.’
I gulped as I could feel the sweat drip through my lungs, lungs protecting a cold, dark heart.
‘Not loving your daughter is one thing but hiring someone to kill them is yet another.
You were blessed with a beautiful daughter, why waste it?’ Mary looked into my eyes with concern, but her voice was so soft, yet so sweet. I scratched my head in regret, as I opened my mouth to speak.
‘She was a mistake; I had the perfect life without her. You’re my friend and killing someone is fine by me. I promise I promise I’ll make you famous.’ I saw the spark of joy light up in her eyes, like pearl lighting up in an ocean.
‘But how? I would be a criminal’ asked Mary softly, I knew deep down it was bad, but she was a mistake.
‘I’ll tell everyone you caught the killer, the ‘’real’’ killer. I’ll tell them you saw the murderer run across the street. I promise you will become famous, and when you do kill her I’ll pretend to cry, pretend to miss her’ I smiled coldly.
I could see the fear in Mary's eyes.
The ocean was dark and stormy,
birds crashing, sinking, dying,
clouds dark, fading, decaying.
No waves leaving trails of shells, only piles of plastic.
'i'll do it for fame' Mary replied coldly,
just that second I could see the last bird dying, as it disintegrates into the air.
It's been years now, Mary was across every newspaper. The rumour went from her seeing the murderer to her apparently saving Starla's life. Mary's an actor now, living a celebrity life. I still remember when we were still children. I watched her eyes as seagulls danced in the ocean.
I watched as the waves overlapped the sand, like a beautiful painting.
I still look into Mary's eyes,
all I see is dead birds floating across the water,
dull, gloomy skies filled with pollution and smoke.
Bottles scattering the sand.
Bottles filled with death and coal, coal left over from the life-changing fires. The fires like the lives we'd ruined, but more like the lives, I've ruined.
I still remember that day, I was a selfish, self-centred devil.
For not only is the reason for my daughter's death my fault but for turning an angel into a devil.
I can imagine looking into my eyes, only seeing darkness because all my oceans died.