A PEEING CONTEST

Beq is a land on planet tellus – earth’s twin about 800 years younger. A year ago, an army led by Sigma overcame Beq and she assumed power as queen. She was only about 20 and was tall and slim and very good-looking. She was known to be skilled in martial arts besides being a fearless huntress.  That day as she was seated in the throne room her Chief Minister (CM) and the law administrator Spinx came for a scheduled meeting. After various discussions the CM said “Your Highness after you became our queen there is no Commander- in- Chief (CIC) to look after our army and navy.”

Sigma said “I know the post needs to be filled as we have a large army and a larger navy.” She thought for a moment and said “Call for eligible candidates to be CIC. Use our criers to advertise widely. The candidates must be young, well-built and well trained in martial arts and be fearless.”

Spinx said “Madam, you’ve been stressing on women’s rights and equality. Would you accept a female CIC?”

“Why not? Announce that females are also eligible.”

CM said “It will be done.”

The meeting closed.

A month later 3 candidates had been found: One was Zeyl the son of a rich landlord. Zeyl was about 21 and was slim tall and handsome. He had learnt fencing and combat with arms. He had even sailed abroad for adventure. He had chased a pirate who had stolen gems from a jeweler. The man had threatened Zeyl with a knife but Zeyl wasn’t scared and had seized the man suffering a knife wound in the process.

The second candidate was Strab son of a pirate who was now no more. He was about 23 and had seen hard life on the seas. He was a giant with solid biceps and rugged features. He was a good archer.

The third candidate was female. She was Zuma 18 daughter of an exiled forest brigand. She had grown up in the forest and was reputed to be a bold huntress. She had trailed a man eating leopard for several days and had finally killed it with a poisoned lance thrown at it from the top of a tree she had climbed.

Spinx carried these details to the queen. She said “All three are promising.  Summon all of them and let me see how they perform in tests.”

When the candidates had presented themselves the Queen said “I’m going to test you myself. It may take a few days. Let us start. First there is the boat race on the river.”

Three boats with oars had been arranged. The queen said “You must set off at my signal. Whoever reaches the quay where my flag flutters will be ranked as standing first.”

The three set off and it was Strab who was fastest followed by Zeyl and Zuma who scored equally,

The queen said “Well done. Follow me to the venue of the archery contest.”

It was held in an open field. Reaching it the queen said “You can see the lemon on a spike there. Bows and arrows have been provided. Stand where marked and aim for the lemon. Each will get three chances.”

Zeyl took aim and hit the target. The lemon was replaced and he again hit it. The arrow went astray the third time. Zuma did even better. She hit the target thrice. So did Strab. Queen got Spinx to note down the scores.

The queen said “Next is the javelin throw. Each of you will get 3 chances to throw the javelin from the marked spot. The farthest throw gets the maximum score.”

Zeyl and Strab were matched in the throw. Zuma came next.

The queen said “We’ll continue tomorrow.”

The next day the queen said “Today we have the swimming contest. You three will have to swim in the river to reach my flag in the quay.”

 The three started the swim and all of them reached the goal simultaneously.

The queen said pointing “Now we come to the tree-climbing contest. A fruit has been fastened to each of three different branches at the same level on those 3 trees. You’ve to bring down the fruit fast.”

Zeyl and Zuma were the fastest while Strab lagged.

The queen announced “We’ll hold the sailing contest tomorrow. It will be on the sea.”

The three candidates got ready for the sailing contest. The queen said “Here are 3 boats with sails. You must sail to reach my boat with a colored sail on anchor in the distance. The man on my boat will give a stone cylinder to one who reaches first which you must bring back.”

 Zuma was the fastest followed by Zeyl but she let the cylinder which was heavy to slip from her fingers. It fell into the sea and was lost. The queen laughed and said “The stone cylinder was greased. Unless it was handled with great care it couldn’t have been brought back.”

The queen ordered “Spinx note that Zeyl and Strab reached my ship simultaneously. We’ll continue tomorrow.”

The next day there was fencing with metal shields. The queen said “I’ll myself assess who is adept.”

Zeyl was the winner followed by Zuma.

The queen next announced “You have to cross from this tall coconut tree to the next using ropes fastened between them. It is dangerous and will reveal guts.”

Zuma did it instantly while Zeyl and Strab followed without incident. The queen clapped. She asked  “Spinx what do the scores indicate?”

Spinx said “Zeyl and Strab get equal points.  Zuma is only a notch behind.”

The queen thought a little and said “A tie break is needed. I’m thinking of a peeing contest tomorrow.”

Zeyl who overheard the queen went to the official witch and said “You must help. There is a peeing contest. I’m very self-conscious. May be your spell can help.”

“Spells won’t work. Close your eyes and imagine that no one is looking on. Your muscles will take care of the rest.”

The following day the queen announced “I’ll judge the peeing contest. It is very simple. Whoever sprinkles highest, farthest and longest will be the winner.”

The contest started with Zeyl standing eyes closed as he started to pee. The queen noted the height and length of the flow and the time. Strab lost out!

The queen said “Congratulations Zeyl”

Spinx whispered “Madam how could you have judged in a tie between two women?”

She said “In the peeing contest I’ll assess the maximum height of the arc thrown.”

Spinx asked “Madam how do I announce the outcome of the present contest?”

The queen said “Zuma will be the next CIC. Strab will be the navy chief.  Zeyl will be the king of Beq after he marries me.”

Zeyl ruled Beq wisely and well for many years.

END