Funny Holiday Fantasy

  Anne raced down the ramp and onto the train platform, just as the driver blew the whistle. She dived in through the train door as it automatically shut, with seconds to spare.

Anne stood there for a few minutes to catch her breath, and waited for her heart to stop thumping. She opened the door to the carriage with her ticket in her hand, and made her way to seat number 13.

Anne’s cousin had rang a few days earlier telling her they had moved into a lovely little cottage in a sweet little town called Nowhere. Her cousin Wendy was married to a lovely guy named Felix and they had three beautiful little girls.

Wendy had asked Anne to come and stay for a week, as the cottage was quite big, and had a self-contained, granny-flat built on.

Anne hadn’t seen the girls for over 12 months, so she was looking forward to catching up with them.

The train pulled into a station called Somewhere. Anne asked the Conductor, “Is this my station, because I was supposed to be getting off at Nowhere?”

The conductor roared laughing then said, “I don’t know of a station called Nowhere, so I think you have the wrong name, and Somewhere is your station!”

Anne wasn’t amused, and gave the conductor a glare, as he walked back down the aisle chuckling to himself.

She grabbed her bag and jumped off the train onto the platform at Somewhere. She was just about to call her cousin Wendy and try to explain what had happened when she heard someone call her name.

“Anne!” “Over here!” Anne looked around and saw her cousin waving to her, from the window of a large four-wheel drive.

She walked over to the large car, as Wendy jumped out. They gave each other a hug. “Anne, it’s so good to see you!” “We shouldn’t leave it so long between visits!” Wendy cried. Anne agreed, “I am so looking forward to catching up with all of you.” She said.

On the way back to Wendy’s house, Anne tried to explain what had happened. “You told me the town was called Nowhere, so why is the name at the Station “Somewhere”?

“Because it is.” Wendy replied. “The Station is called Somewhere, because the officials thought Nowhere would put visitors off, but the town is called Nowhere!”

Anne spent a lovely few days catching up with the girls and the family, she asked Wendy if they could do some touristy things the next day.

“Oh, we have plenty of sightseeing things, if you want to do that tomorrow.!” “Yes please!” she said. Anne was very out-doorsy, so she was looking forward to seeing the sights.

The next day the girls went on a School camp for 3 days, so the adults had plenty of time to travel around the area. They picked up a little book at the Tourist Bureau, which just happened to also be the local milk-bar. “Can I get a cappuccino please?” she asked the waitress. “Sorry Maam, we don’t sell coffee.” She said. “We have apple juice, apple and banana, apple and pear, apple and strawberry or apple and blueberry.” “But I don’t like apple juice.” Anne said. “Well then, guess you’ll just have to have water!” The waitress laughed, as she walked away.

Anne looked at Wendy. “Is she for real?” “Oh yes, you can’t get coffee anywhere in this town, it’s been banned!” “We don’t mind, it’s very bad for you, and we feel so much healthier!”

Anne reluctantly bought a bottle of water and they headed off to see the sights. “Firstly we’ll take you to see our beautiful waterfall, only a few kilometres out of town.” Wendy said. “It won an award last year!”

Anne was looking forward to seeing the beautiful waterfall.

They walked through the bush for a few minutes and came to a stream. There was a small spillway off to the right and the cool, clear water raced over it taking small leaves and debris as it went. “Is it much further to the waterfall?” Anne asked. Wendy and Felix looked at one another. “This IS the waterfall.” Anne said. “Isn’t it just lovely?” “We don’t have to go hiking up mountains for miles, and we can just sit here and enjoy the waterfall with the kids!” Anne Sat there with her mouth open, but she kept her thoughts to herself.

They travelled back towards the town and turned off to the left, passing a sign which read, “The Big Apple.” “Really?” Anne Said. “Yep!” Felix said. “Just wait until you see this, it’ll blow your mind!” “It’s just up the road a bit.” Anne looked out through the front windscreen expecting to see a large apple looming in the distance, but everything was flat and featureless.

Felix pulled off the road and drove through a large pair of red gates, created to look like two large apples. “This is the main apple farm, which supplies all the town.” He said.

They pulled up outside a very large old Victorian residence.

There was still no sign of the “Big Apple”, so Anne just kept quiet. Walking into the large mansion, inside had been made into a factory of sorts, with a shop and café. “I am going to order an apple tea, Anne would you like one, too?” Wendy asked. “Okay, I’ll try one, thanks.” When they finished their tea and apple pancakes, they followed the machines throughout the house, as they changed fresh apples into juice, sorbet, jelly and ice-cream. It was all very fascinating, but Anne wanted to see the “Big Apple.” They followed the others heading outside, through the back-door. When they emerged out into the sun, there was a huge crowd milling around . “What are they looking at?” Anne asked. “Why, the Big Apple of course, silly!” Anne squeezed her way to the front. “Wendy please tell me exactly what I am looking at!” “This is the Big Apple, it was grown about 5 years ago, and has been kept in cryogenics ever since, which is made of glass so we can see it.” “It is the largest apple ever grown on a family farm, around about the size of a football!” All Anne could make out was a wrinkled brown oval, sitting in a glass case. “Isn’t it just amazing?” Felix said. “Oh yes, really amazing!” Anne replied, so underwhelmed.

“What’s next on the agenda?” Anne asked. “A redwood apple tree?” Wendy and Felix looked at one another. “No, I don’t think there is such a thing, not here anyway.” Wendy replied seriously.

“But we have a few more wonderful sights for you, before we head home.” Anne could hardly wait. “We are on our way to the Halloween Holiday Happy Apple..” “Oh goody!” Anne replied. “More apples.” “This town runs off the apple farms, without them, it would have nothing for the tourists!” Wendy said.

The Happy Apple Park was more of the same, childrens train rides, apple bobbing, apple ice-cream and apple fairy floss.

Thankfully it was getting late, so Wendy and Felix decided to leave the rest until tomorrow.

Anne had a very fitful sleep that night and woke about 3am covered in perspiration, because a gigantic apple was rolling after her!

 The next day Anne told Wendy she had a call from her Boss, and he needed her back straight away for an assignment.

“That’s a shame, we had so much more to show you!” “I know.” said Anne. “But, when the Boss calls, I have to go!” “Please give my love to the girls when they come home, and I will visit again very soon, I promise!’

Wendy drove her back to the Somewhere Station and they hugged and said their good-by’s.

When she got back to work, her colleagues asked how her holiday went. “Oh, pretty quiet, didn’t do much.” “Did you go away?” one asked. “No, I went nowhere!” Anne replied. Thinking to herself, Nowhere was unlike anywhere she had ever been before, or ever wanted to go again.

Anne went to get a coffee, and there on the table sat a big, round, red apple.

“Never again, no more apples for me, I’ll stick to oranges and pears from now on!”

September 16, 2020 07:19

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Patricia Green
16:31 Sep 24, 2020

Thank you all for your input!


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Falguni Jain
08:40 Sep 24, 2020

The story seemed so fun. I think this is so real. As a resident of a place, you are very attached to the best places in your area. These places might not be liked by others, but they mean a lot to you. This situation was perfectly depicted in the story.


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Anthony David M
06:10 Sep 24, 2020

Interesting story Patricia. The nowhere somewhere dilemma is fun. And the coffee ban is very scary! The ending is as unexpected as I thought but needs a little more punch I feel. Thanks for a good, fun read!


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Unknown User
01:52 Sep 18, 2020

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