Game of Life

My greatest wish is to have control. Control over my life. Not a higher force of nature, not the writers who’d created me, I knew, who’d created all of us. I want to build my life-story. I mean, who doesn’t want to be in charge of what’s happening in their life?

Writers gave me life, and now they see it as their job to make my life-story. 

My life started with me being a happy, dreamy girl. After a few years, they made it one colossal disaster. Every time I expected trouble to be over, worse came. One friend after another left, breaking me to a point it scared me to make new friends, to love, but I survived. Then they assumed it would be fun to see a character dealing with diabetes, giving me something else to worry about day and night. Life changing it was, but I rose again. I mastered it and went on with my pre-planned life, finding out what else they had in mind for me. 

More drama. I met another character who showed me the light of life; I dared to love again. But the book had only just started. Hoping him to stay in my life much longer, he appeared only in a few chapters. What they did to me then might be the worst I’d ever experienced. It would be the last thing theydecided, too. I lost hope. 

Once, I’d had so much hope. Inside me had always been hope, always. There were things I had known, but they meant giving up, and I would never do that. I didn’t want to believe them, so I did not, because my hope was stronger. I trusted it would be different for once.

But that little voice was right, and I was stubborn enough to ignore it. It destroyed every last bit of hope. Not even the smallest spark had survived. All gone, lost in space, in the dark. He’d made it all sure; there’s nothing to hope for. Move on. There is no together for us. 

I fell in the deepest pit of destroyed hope and love. A slow, painful and lonely fall. Like poison that quietly tears you apart from the inside of your veins before it reaches your heart and finally kills you. Only my heart didn’t stop. It broke into a million pieces. 

Or slowly drowning in the ocean with a wall too slippery to find grip and climb up. Every time it lets you sink deeper, while you slide across sharp rocks, cutting you open to leave you bloody. A difficult and slow descent to the darkest heart of the ocean. 

Then, almost at the end, the wall ends and you’re sucked under and clenched to the bottom of a gloomy cave with icy water. A narrow cave crammed with stalagmites and stalactites, sharp as knifes. Not a simple hint of brightness to escape, only if you’re powerful enough to push the walls away from you.

The ocean of tears, the wall of slipping hope, the cave of lost hope and destroyed love, with knifes of memories that piece your heart. Only to rise again if you find the courage to accept and look for new hope. 

I had to find the exit of darkness to feel happiness again. I had to let him become only some of my most wonderful, but painful memories.

It took me months to rise again. My mind had never been such a gruesome place. People started telling me I needed to change, as if I didn’t realize that. It almost brought me to my demise. Everyone said I did everything wrong, and I told myself the same. I would never let my happiness depend on someone else again.

That was the moment I decided I couldn’t continue like this. I wanted revenge on the writers who put me through this. Iwanted to control my life, so I resisted doing what my creator wanted me to do and went against the rules on my adventure.

Our creators see life as a game, the hardest ever existed game. They know the rules; they madethem, and now they play it with us. 

We are all little, individual pieces, with our own stories, but connected with energy, we form a whole; humanity. In its way, humanity is again part of something greater. We are the pawns in the game; the Game of Life.

The writers might see the bigger picture, knowing why everything has to happen. Good or bad, we still believe everything happens with a reason. Almost always because we have to learn something. It’s just difficult to understand why we have to endure all those mental breakdowns, heartbreaks, diseases, deaths and everything else in life if we don’t understand what we have to learn from it. Sometimes we find the reasons later, but often we’ll never understand. 

If they told us why, life would already be easier. Well, they didn’t call it the hardest ever existed game for nothing, I guess. 

What we discovered was world-breaking news. During the first seven years of our lives, we got programs downloaded into our subconscious mind. Patterns, they are. Now we’re just living those programs, trying to make the best of it while our creators watch how we struggle with life. They might even write about it, assuming it’s interesting to read. Can you believe it?

The thing is, those patterns always come back, they never seem to change. It’s great when are happy with them, but often we are not. Even when we change everything to make a fresh start; we take a new job or go to another school, go to a different city, surrounded by other people, the same patterns keep returning. 

It’s because of the downloaded program. Easy to explain. Take a paper and draw a pattern. Now draw it again on something else, maybe a wall, a chair. No matter what, the pattern stays the same, right? 

Human life isn’t the only example of returning patterns. Look at a snowflake under a microscope, branches of plants and trees, the way rivers flow, veins in bodies, the architecture in buildings. Or the way electrons move around the nucleus in atoms and on bigger scales the moon around Earth, planets around the sun… Even in history, how many wars have there been because people wanted power or because they wanted different circumstances? 

Apparently, changing the environment isn’t enough. We have to go to the core of the pattern, change a variable the formula. 

Sure, I thought when I learned that. But how could we do that? We are being controlled, we cannot just change the program in our subconscious mind. 

But I didn’t give up there. I wanted to be in control.

Continuing the search to escape from our programmed lives, my determined drive got rewarded. We discovered that only 5% of the day we use our conscious mind; the creative mind. Our subconscious mind takes over the other 95% of the day; the programs. So what if we use this 5% or improve it to change something in the other 95%? 

We identified what our creators had downloaded in our subconscious minds, and even better, how to change them into programs we wanted. Amazing was how simple we could change our subconscious beliefs, those programs, by using our mind. I won’t tell you the secret now, but if you wish to discover, you are more than welcome to ask me. 

The writers, however, were not as pleased; it drove them crazy, they could no longer control me. 

Countless doors opened to an unknown world, and I became a different person once I knew how I could change the programs. Finally, I was in charge of my own life and I felt sogood. When was the last time I went for a walk and smiled for no reason, just thinking about myself, what I could reach by using my mind? Life, light and energy sparkled from my body, my soul. I was truly happy. For the first time, I felt alive, not just surviving or existing, alive. I could honestly be myself. I became the higher force of nature.

In the end, allwhat matters was that my hope returned and I never gave up. Winners are the ones who rise one more time than they fall. I became stronger than ever before. And please, no matters what others say, always believe in yourself and keep hoping. Life means so much more when you feel alive.