Young Love

When the sky makes contact with the ocean we get an explosion of vivid light that enchants us to man's end. Lucian stared into the pink ribbons of clouds that brightened the setting sky. His face was drawn and distressed. He had been my best friend for 12 years and today, the day before we both became adults, was the first time I had seen him so apprehensive. Maybe it was the last drop of adolescence soaking out of him or maybe it lied deeper, behind the complicated defensive shield of confidence our brains put up. 

As my hand met his sparks flew like fireworks between us. “Loush” my soft-spoken words hung daintily in the fragile summer air like a mountain climber off of a wavering cliff. His eyes, the colour of a lion's pride, as gold as a crisp autumn leaf, met mine. Hitting me like a shock-wave was the thought that he was fearful. We touched, soaking in all of the feelings that flew like magic between our intertwined hands.

“Si,” clearing his throat he began, “My dad....has no time left.” The pain that echoed inside his raw, mournful voice was enough to break my hold on my emotions. Tears burn, that’s what everybody always leaves out, the fact that tears burn when they roll down your soft sunburnt cheeks. I should have been comforting him but his arm stretched across my shoulder and I didn’t fight it. He held me close, as close as we could get, on top of this mud cliff, looking down at a slow but steady flow of waves crashing on the shore of mocha sand.

My dad was never there, so meeting and knowing Lucian’s father made me feel like I had a place to be loved by an older man. Visiting him in the hospital was more fun than sad, he always had bubble gum and made forts for us out of I-V racks and hospital sheets, so that we had somewhere to wait while the doctors did tests. Now I know that he was sheltering us from the harsh, everlasting picture of the fight with cancer. Washed away like a sandcastle close to shore was the thought that I would ever see him again.

Finally, when the ocean's only barrier was now the starry night sky, we pulled apart. Lucian's words caught me by surprise as the dagger that was his voice cut through a barrier of silence held up by our grief.

“The doctor’s said he has a couple days left at most.” The full moon shot down an eerie glow that lit up his face as the words choked out. I nodded in recognition. Deep, staggered breathing alongside the shallow crash of waves were the only noises on this lonesome midsummer night.

“Hey!” His voice changed to the Lucian that I knew and loved. “Wanna go swim, just you know to honour the tradition?” I laughed, at a time like this, because his smile was loose yet drew his jawline together so perfectly. His continued laughter seeped into my system until we were both giggling like children, in the middle of the night, the last night of innocence and the first of many mournful nights. The ocean seemed to join in the chorus laughing with us, calling us to its emptied shores. 

Stumbling down the twisted path to a midnight swim, we reminisced about what our life will be. Lucian’s voice is like a glimmer of hope in a pool of sorrow. It’s soft but has an edge, he stutters sometimes but pronounces words at ease. Holding on to the skinny trunks of seedlings, to help guide me down the narrow path, I listened. 

“I want a son, to love and teach and hold. A big wedding here in Hawaii, on the beach. Friends that will take time out of their family lives so we can go surfing. And you beside me every time I fall into bed at night because my future is nothing without you.”

Gazing out at the wide-open ocean in front of me the words registered in my mind. My future was nothing without him. When we were 10 we planned to date at 12, when we turned 13 we planned to marry when we were 27 when we were 16 we planned on having at least 2 kids as soon as we were married. The sand underneath my feet cooled my body, the sound of crashing waves from a roaring ocean, the smell of saltwater and summertime, underneath the radiating stars, it all came together. I leaned back into him, now that he was caught up to my quick pace. 

“I love you so much,” I whisper.

“My future is nothing without you.”

His hot breath touches my forehead and we leap. 

A big bulky coat wrapped around my shivering shoulders is the only thing keeping me from hypothermia. We walk because we didn’t bring the car but between the lustrous moon and quiet cave-like roads there is no danger. When my feet hit the chilled beach water I had doubts, but when Lucian went all in I had to too. Fully-clothed, soaking wet and unimaginably happy. 

As we descended into the busier part of bustling tourist-filled Hawaii our steps led us to street-light illuminated sidewalks. At 11 o’clock at night, there was minimal traffic, yet a car would still pass by every once in a while. Off in the distance, a car began to swerve off the road. Lucian and I shuffled our dank steps to the side.

It came closer and his rigid arm pushed me ever so slightly behind him. It made me feel safe, protected and loved as his body took steps for me. The joy of him and me being together was enough to send me spiralling out of control but this was something else. Swerving closer and closer to us, bumping off and on the sidewalk, it became clear that the driver was severely impaired. 

My scream echoed off of homes with sleeping families, the grand ocean out in front of us and the tall forbidding dirt cliffs. As the vehicle made direct contact with the one person I had loved more than anyone in the world my heart shattered. The force was grand and homicidal, knocking me a few feet back into a lamp pole. The car stopped and I sank to my knees, unable to hold my weight anymore. Shielding my eyes, I caught one final glimpse of his shock-white face splattered with cardinal coloured blood and his contorted dismal body. It was the end.

2 years later

Walking into this business meeting, I expect nothing but a few new branding deals to assign and social inspiration. When my boss stands at that post and announces the arrival of a new partner, I think nothing of it. As he shakes hands he never pauses once. I reach out my hand and our eyes lock. As my hand met his sparks flew like fireworks between us. “Loush”. His eyes were pure gold, his hands muscular and soft. I could have sworn it was him, but I never said anything. We shook and I sat but when he spoke in front of all of us his words made my deja vu become grief. I missed him so much, could it actually be him?

•••

As Mr. Raymond introduced me to the team, I felt fine. I shook everyone's hand without hesitation, never pausing. Except for her. I would stop anything for her. Her eyes were raw green like washed moss. But her touch was what convinced me, it was gentle and comforting like a teddy bear. I felt a connection so strong that it had to be love. When we broke I continued normally but as she sat down a rush of emotions came over me like a bucket of ice water on a blistering hot summer day. I would jump in front of a car for this girl. Actually, I think I have.