Climbing the Chemical Mountain

**Author’s note: I feel as if I’ve gone into the weeds on this one, but I couldn’t give up on it. Also, my grammar may not be great. Any suggestions would be appreciated.**

Whether it was green or yellow could be debated, but that would only cause the same stupid debacle as the infamous color changing dress. The bottle is green, but the content is different. Yellow-green, yes, that’s acceptable, or rather, will have to do. Whatever color it happens to be, one thing is certain, it’s neon.  By now, Millie assumed that her insides glowed in the dark. She wouldn’t be surprised if the next time she donated blood, Mountain Dew flowed out in its place. 

Unlike fresh water, which presumably could come from a mountain, this liquid comes from the dew of a chemical mountain and Millie knew it. 

She made an attempt to save herself from the sugar and calories by drinking the diet or zero sugar options, but they tasted like disappointment. Seltzers weren’t sweet enough and flavored waters were lacking. Additionally, it couldn’t be Mellow Yellow or any other knock off variety. Millie could taste the difference. How to explain the taste always befuddled her. It’s usually described as lemon-lime, but even that description wasn’t quite right. To Millie, it had that je ne sais quoi quality.

The best version of her vice was the glorious soda fountain. Extra credit was given to the establishments that offered free refills. The soda fountain wasn’t without its faults; however, as the Mountain Dew Connoisseur was keenly aware. The potion had to be just the right combination of carbon dioxide and syrup. If the soda ran white, it was a dead giveaway, and Millie would immediately notify the keeper of the machine. The more subtle indicator was the taste. For the unsophisticated palette, it was harder to detect the wrong proportions, but Millie’s palette was refined. In those instances she may not complain to the keeper of the machine, but rather she’d drink it anyway and complain later to anyone who would listen. The other problem with the fountain soda was the ice would inevitably melt and dilute the precious nectar of the chemical mountain gods. The bottled soda was easier to transport and harder to spill. If consuming it immediately, it had to come from a cooler or refrigerator. If not, it would be poured over ice later. Neither way was fool proof as the cooler Mountain Dew would eventually get warm and the iced Mountain Dew would eventually be watered down. One thing for certain though was it had to be cold. 

Millie thought back to when she was sixteen and a parking attendant at the local county fair. A vendor came by and brought the workers free bottled sodas. Millie was ecstatic. Given that it was July, it was hot even for the north country and Millie didn’t think things through properly. For after she had a few sips of her drink, she had to go back to work. The only place for it was her hot car. When her shift ended and she returned to her soda, it was disgustingly hot. She had never tasted boiled Mountain Dew before and she committed herself to never repeating her mistake. To this day, she still laughs when she remembers the incident.

Millie hadn’t always been a sodaholic. As a child she drank what normal children drink, water, juice, and milk. Around high school things changed. Soda became more appealing. Millie’s mother was addicted and Millie started to spiral. She suspects she’s always had an addictive personality because even in her younger years, she would overeat.  She loved food, and still does, but that’s a story for a later day. The difference between then and now is her willpower. Maybe before she was a better Catholic, maybe she wasn’t addicted to chocolate or ice cream, but giving them up for Lent was nowhere near as challenging. Now, as Lent approaches once again, the question of abstaining from drinking Mountain Dew crosses her mind, but it’s a fleeting one. 

There are a few factors that hinder Millie’s ability to rid Mountain Dew from her life. There’s a soda fountain in the gas station a stone’s throw from where she works. It’s the cheapest price and it has a humongous forty-four ounce cup option. Millie doesn’t like coffee, so this option meets her caffeine needs. The second problem is Millie plays trivia twice a week at two different restaurants. The waitstaff at each place already knows her drink and brings it to her. Millie would try drinking water instead if she wasn’t so picky, but if the water even has a hint of chlorine it’s no bueno. Trivia playing and dining out in general have become synonymous with drinking Mountain Dew. Moreover, Millie’s job is very stressful. Millie has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Sometimes, that hit of Mountain Dew gives her a dopamine rush. Sometimes, it’s what gets her through her day. If she were to quit, thoughts of not having it would consume her. 

Unlike an alcoholic or drug addict who goes through withdrawals, the worst side effect Millie would incur if she gave up Mountain Dew would be a caffeine withdrawal headache. Millie isn’t even rewarded with a high. One would think this would make going cold turkey easier for Millie when in fact it has not. Everyone knows that excess alcohol causes cirrhosis and smoking causes cancer. While drinking excess dew from a chemical mountain can’t be beneficial, there are no surgeon general warnings. There are no depressing commercials to scare someone into quitting. Alcoholics have AA. Drug addicts have NA. Milie has nothing. Her addiction doesn’t seem as serious, which convinces her to keep drinking. The thought of creating a support group has crossed Millie’s mind. She could be all inclusive and call it Sodaholics Anonymous. The real question is whether there are enough sufferers for this support group and SA probably isn’t the best abbreviation. Despite Millie’s mother being an addict, Millie still feels alone. Millie’s mom is better at controlling it. She doesn’t always drink Mountain Drew and will choose water. Millie’s friend brags that she hasn’t had soda in twenty some odd years. Millie wants to punch her every time, only because Millie’s cousin doesn’t understand the struggle. 

Will Millie ever climb the chemical mountain? She’s certainly hopeful. It would definitely improve her life. It would undoubtedly cause to her lose some pounds. Maybe she will. Yes, she thinks. She can do it. She’ll give it up once and for all…starting tomorrow.