Okay Einstein

Lemon Boy and I,

We're gonna live forever

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"If I die, turn my Tweets into a book."

- Gina Linetti, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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Lemon Boi entered the chatroom.

Constantly Confused entered the chatroom.

Lemon Boi: Hi : )

Constantly Confused left the chatroom.

Lemon Boi: OI! GET BACK HERE YOU LITTTLE SHITE.

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6 MONTHS AGO

Lemon Boi: Oi, are you the bloke who was selling the plasma screen and stupidly ornate ring for a stupid low price? Because I want in. Show me better pictures though, and proof that it's actual.

Constantly Confused: sure.

Constantly Confused sent a picture.

Constantly Confused sent a picture.

Constantly Confused sent a video.

Lemon Boi: You have a nice voice.

Lemon Boi: Stupid hair though- what happened to your hairdresser and why haven't you found a new one?

Constantly Confused: do you want the tv or the ring? or both?

Lemon Boi: ...

Lemon Boi: How much will it be?

Constantly Confused: for which?

Lemon Boi: Both.

Constantly Confused: 50 bucks.

Lemon Boi: You want American money, right?

Lemon Boi: Can I just venmo you?

Constantly Confused: lol, i think the international fees of mailing euros will be more than the actual amount u owe me.

Lemon Boi: How are you so sure I'm British?

Constantly Confused: u literally said 'oi', 'bloke', and 'american money'. and u said it like *genuinely*

Lemon Boi: Curious.

Constantly Confused: do u know how posh u sound??

Constantly Confused: and we're just texting.

Lemon Boi: I was so sure that you were some sort of scam, I was looking forward to shutting you down.

Constantly Confused: wat? i'm confused.

Lemon Boi: Constantly, I'm sure.

Constantly Confused: is it bad that I am imagining you as a total Draco Malfoy type? pale. arrogant. blond. skinny and aristocratic. posh. annoying.

Lemon Boi: And fit and gorgeous?

Constantly Confused: i thought that it was implied?

Lemon Boi: Always nice to hear it.

Lemon Boi: But you're wrong. Sorry to disappoint.

Constantly Confused: wat do u mean u were trying to find reason to report me?

Lemon Boi: One of my hobbies is searching the internet for suspicious-looking deals that will eat up the stupid and pure and to catch them in the act and report them beforehand.

Constantly Confused: nah, we're good.

Lemon Boi: Yes, I figured that already.

Constantly Confused: how?? like, I literally did not do anything unsuspicious

Constantly Confused: you've been typing for like a while now and I no longer care. here's the link to my Venmo.

Lemon Boi: You sent the better quality photos immediately after I asked instead of dropping it. And in the video, I saw a bit of your clock, hideous by the way, and it is the exact hour difference that is to be expected in different timezones. Not pre-recorded at all. On top of that, you didn't seem to care that I could make out some of your features. And you seemed to have a legitimate email listed under your account name, something no idiot would do.

Constantly Confused: where do u want the package sent?"

Lemon Boi: and you're boring again : )

Constantly Confused: are you buying or not?

Lemon Boi: No, you're safe.

Constantly Confused: what a fucking waste of time.

Lemon Boi: : D

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5 MONTHS AGO

Lemon Boi: Why the fuck are you selling a gold-encrusted mirror for $12???

Constantly Confused: Are you going to buy this time or just waste my time?

Lemon Boi: Depends on your answer.

Constantly Confused: I shouldn't have to convince u to buy a $12 mirror.

Lemon Boi: But you will, because you don't want to be reported for suspicious activity :D

Constantly Confused: i really hate u, u know?

Lemon Boi: :D

Constantly Confused: The mirror is a fake, it's a knockoff. which you would know if you actually read the description instead of just immediately jumping the gun.

Lemon Boi: :D

Lemon Boi: I know knock-off gold when I see it, that is not it.

Constantly Confused: sounds like something Draco Malfoy would say

Constantly Confused send a gif.

Lemon Boi liked the gif.

Lemon Boi: Don't try to seduce me with a pretty blond. I'm a man on a mission.

Constantly Confused: Damn it.

Lemon Boi: So... why are you selling gold on a shite site for a few euros?

Constantly Confused: You are a pain in the ass, you know.

Lemon Boi: people have said that, but I'm always invited back for a round two so... ```\_(*-*)_/'

Constantly Confused: wat?

Constantly Confused: I don't get it.

Lemon Boi: pain... in the arse, invited over, super smug face thingie... round two

Constantly Confused: OH

Constantly Confused: lol, I get it.

Constantly Confused: wait, are you buying this or not?

Lemon Boi: why are you selling gold for twelve bucks??

Constantly Confused: I'll tell you if you send me a pic of yourself. I'm imagining you as Draco Malfoy and it's doing things to me.

Lemon Boi: are you going to then use my face to get a sugar daddy to buy you things? bc I'll send you an ugly pic. a really ugly one.

Constantly Confused: good. I want to kill this fantasy- I am not texting Draco Malfoy, I am not texting Draco Malfoy, I am not texting Draco Malfoy...

Lemon Boi: got a thing for blonds? sorry to disappoint but-

Lemon Boi sent a picture.

Constantly Confused: NO WAY YOU'RE A REDHEAD???!!?!?!?!?!??!

Lemon Boi: How could you tell? I just died my hair blue.

Constantly Confused: Your eyelashes. And freckles. Did you dye your eyebrows blue??

Lemon Boi: To be fair I usually apply mascara before leaving the house.

Constantly Confused: can I send you the mirror as a gift? you made my day.

Lemon Boi: No, but do you have discord? I'd like to get out of this blasted app.

Constantly Confused: Is this love?

Lemon Boi: If this is love, Its kind of disappointing.

Constantly Confused: hey, you asked ME for MY discord. I'm allowed to assume!!

Lemon Boi: Don't think I haven't noticed how you never answered why your selling gold for 12 dollars.

Constantly Confused: ; )

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NOW

Constantly Confused: I'm dRUNIK

Lemon Boi: are you intoxicated?

Lemon Boi: I mean drunk?

Constantly Confused: ur voice is so posh. I love it.

Lemon Boi: we're texting

Constantly Confused: I love YOU

Lemon Boi: where are you? are you with someone?

Constantly Confused: about to go home babe

Lemon Boi: how? How? I stg Kevin if your trying to drive rn

Constantly Confused: i want to hear your voice

Constantly Confused: I'm calling you.

Constantly Confused is calling Lemon Boi

Lemon Boi accepted the call.

"Where are you? Who are you with? How much did you drink? Are you alone? Why is it so quiet? Go back to your friends-."

Kevin let out a happy little laugh. "I'm obsessed with your voice. Can you curse? That's so hot-".

"I swear to the queen, Kevin. I will call your mother."

"My mom's dead."

"O-oh, I had no idea. I'm sorry-".

"That's why I sold all that expensive crap for nothing. Because it's hers and she was a shit mom but she was my mom and I didn't need all that shit cluttering the house. All gifts from her fucking sugar daddy."

"Ke-".

"And no she didn't do it because she loved me and wanted to provide for me. She did it because she was vain and insecure and loved getting stupid shit for being pretty. She spent more time posing in front of that mirror than acknowledging my existence."

"Kevin. Who are you with? You shouldn't be alone right now."

"I hated her because I could tell she never loved me but I miss her because she's gone and sometimes she'd touch my head or pat my shoulder and it was something and-".

"Kevin, you're drunk. You don't want to tell me this. You avoided this subject for all the time we've been in touch."

Kevin mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"At first it was none of your fucking business. But then, I thought once you got your answers you'd leave."

"You're my friend, Kevin. I wouldn't-".

"What's your name?" The question came quick and unbidden and knocked the breath out of him.

"What?"

"You know my name-".

"Because it's in your email!"

"-But I don't know yours."

"Kevin..."

"Lemon Boi..."

"Benjamin. My name is Benjamin." He takes in a deep shuddery breath, "my friends call me Ben"

There was a muffled little sob, "Your name is so beautiful."

Then there was a startled yelp and the connection broke. Leaving Ben breathless, scared and suddenly alone.

Lemon Boi entered chat.

Lemon Boi: Where are you? I'm calling.

Lemon Boi is calling Constantly Confused.

Lemon Boi: Pick up dammnit

Lemon Boi is calling Constantly Confused.

Lemon Boi is calling Constantly Confused.

Lemon Boi is calling Constantly Confused.

Lemon Boi is calling Constantly Confused.

Lemon Boi is calling Constantly Confused.

Lemon Boi: SHITE. I STG I WILL END YOU YOU FUCKING BASTARD

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MANY MONTHS OF FREQUENT TEXTING/ FLIRTING VIA DISCORD LATER

Lemon Boi: I'm at the airport. Besides the smoothie booth.

Constantly Confused: I see you.

Lemon Boi: ...

Lemon Boi: Well, where are you?

Constantly Confused: Lost in your eyes, babe.

Lemon Boi: If you came to pick me up drunk I will kill you before I get the chance to finally kiss you.

"Please don't."

Ben whirled around, phone lowering and eyes widening as he took in the boy he's been messaging for about half a year. He was gorgeous.

"Kevin..." he trailed off, unsure of what exactly he was allowed to say. "Hi."

Kevin ignore the greeting, that rude git, and simply pulled him flush to him. His eyes deliberately lowering to Ben's lips, a question.

Ben nodded, almost mindlessly in his clear need to express that 'YES YES PLEASE' is exactly what he wanted to say.

Kevin, understanding, smiled brightly before sweeping down and laying the sweetest and possibly shortest kiss of Ben's life on his lips.

"For the record," Kevin whispered to him, a small smile tugging at his mouth. "You are so much hotter than Draco Malfoy."

"Bloody liar."

But Kevin was granted a kiss for his efforts nonetheless