Food is Life

TW: It's creepy and a bit different. There are brief moments of implied violence. Cosmic Horror throuout.

Greetings and good tidings to all my fellow humans out there! Thank you so much for visiting my food blog: Food for Living: Food is Love, food is life!

When I started this food blog years and years and years ago, I really didn’t know much about the kitchen. My parents were clueless cooks when I was growing up. Our two most used cooking tools were the freezer and the microwave, so I basically had to learn food lesson one when I started my cooking journey. It’s no secret that food has changed and consumed my life over the years, but it still gives me that same feeling of accomplishment from when I cooked my first scrambled eggs all those years ago. So long ago. Impossibly long. And difficult. My parents never made it easy that’s for sure. Sometimes we wouldn’t have food in the house for days at a time. Sometimes my little brother and I had to go door to door in our neighborhood and beg for leftovers and table scraps. Sometimes he was too weak to walk at all. Sometimes I was so hungry I thought I would die. Sometimes. We. Had. To. Do. What. We. Had. To. To. Survive.

But now I have much more confidence in the kitchen, and you will too! I’m so blessed to be able to focus on what makes me the happiest: sharing my recipes that YOU, dear reader, can make at home.

I get a lot of messages and requests from you beautiful foodies about recipes with a distinct WOW factor. Something to unveil at a dinner party that'll really knock their socks off! Food for Living has always been about recipes for the average Joe. Cooking that's easy and quick to make, but still leaves you feeling satisfied. I've always believed that cooking is for everyone to spread love, comfort, and joy to the special people in your life. Cooking should be a simple and enjoyable experience, but I do understand that sometimes the four-cheese bean dip and the chicken pot pie casserole just aren't going to cut it for some. Impressing your guests is difficult enough. People can be so finicky at times, but I know just the thing that would make even the pickiest eater cry tears of joy. A dish that’ll show even the staunchest sceptic that there is a god. I know what you want. You want the big stuff. The shining example of culinary bliss. The golden throne of peppers on onions. The high seat from which to look upon the dark, blistering world of canned meat and boxed macaroni. Let the refuse and slime slither below you, stinking like the sludge of the deep sea stuffing their putrid faces with flatbread pizzas, while you rise ever higher soring into the night's sky on a chariot of black fire and ascend to the halls of the flavor Gods. ALL SHALL WEEP ALL SHALL BOW OUR KING ARRISES

FOOD FOR LVING FOOD FOR LIFE FOOD FOR LVING FOOD FOR LIFE FOOD FOR LVING FOOD FOR LIFE

So, let's get started!

This is what you will need:

4 large eggs

12 oz of cheddar cheese (shredded)

Half a block of cream cheese

2 chicken breasts

4-6 fresh green onions 

9 tbl spoons of thyme

4 1/2 oz of butter (softened)

12 cloves of garlic

16 Instances of shadow tomatoes

4 blots of perforated mayonnaise

19 shreds of peeled abhorrent shallots (minced)

1 sound of the void

The chains of a slumbering god (grated)

1 tight feeling of the chest

2 dark wriggling things that gnaw at the edges of your mind

3 peaks into the mind of a madman

No light can escape

No sinner will be spared

No turning from the truth once the master returns

He calls to us even now. Can't you hear him? His songs grant us sight into the knowable truth of it all: that we, small and insignificant ants that we are, can be a part of his new world. Once these feeble forms have sloughed off our bones, we will awake reborn in his image, sheltered by his great, black wings, and cradled in his arms. He will raze this wretched world and wipe away the filth of our own sins while we stand above the mountain peaks listening to the chorus of screams. We will smell the blood in the air; that miasma of death will be like wine to us. Drink the suffering of those below. Soar above with feathered wings like angels wreathed in flames. Come! Listen. He sings. He dreams. And we wait.

Salt and pepper to taste.

First thing’s first! Make sure you are using an extremely sharp knife for prepping your meat and veggies. You don’t want ugly eviscerated chicken cutlets; you want to slide your knife right through the meat like butter. Don’t saw the meat! Let your knife do all the work and let it glide it through making sure to cut the corraded artery and not the trachea. You don’t want to hear their screams your first time.

Always sharpen and maintain your knives! Not rust, no crust, only glitter and shine!

Now, I understand I have a wide menagerie of readers out there with different dietary restrictions, allergies, and food aversions. Which is why I’ve created a little list of substitutions that’ll leave the recipe’s soul intact, while giving you, lovely reader, exactly what you most desire.

 If you are vegan, I’ve found lion’s mane mushrooms make a perfect substitute for chicken. The taste is mild but slightly buttery and the texture is spot on. With proper seasoning, it almost tastes too sinful to enjoy. Just swap the dairy ingredients with vegan equivalents and voila! Animal-free and not an ounce of flavor lost!

Fresh garlic is the way to go, but you can use garlic powder in a pinch if you must.

Shadow tomatoes startle easily, so make them feel safe and comfortable. Speak softly to them. Tell them what a good job they are doing. Promise you would never hurt them. That you would rather die than let anything come between your friendship. Once they have fully learned to trust you, stick your knife down it’s center. Cut into small cubes for the sauce and save as much juice as you can. Canned shadow tomatoes are also fine.

There once was a girl with no face.

Who tied her hair back in a lace.

She began to cry

Yet, her eyes were still dry

You ran, and she started to chase

Please use a block of cheese and shred it yourself. Pre shredded cheese out of a bag with ruin the texture. I refuse to budge on this one!

Alright, sweet readers, here is the step-by-step guide to creating the wow-tastic dinner party entre of your dreams! This is going to get a little complicated but stick with me and you’ll be just fine. Remember, what is done cannot be undone. Once you’ve begun this process you cannot stop. You will not be the same at the end of this process. Not slightly. Are you a true believer? I suppose we will find out, won’t we? Steel yourselves, children of flesh, and greet the darkness with open arms. Kosher salt only, everybody. It provides much more control when seasoning as to not over salt your dish. Here we go!

Step 1: Adjust rack to middle if needed and set oven to 450F.

Step 2: Chop green onions thinly. Separate the greens from the whites and mince the onion whites.

Step 4: Pat chicken dry and slice into strips. Then slice strips into about one-inch cubes. Then slice the cubes into mush. Then slice mush into Cuisinart. Slice. Keep slicing. Slice until the pain goes away. Keep slicing. KEEP SLICING.

Step 4: The shallots will be shrieking by now, best to put them out of their misery quickly. When faces of dead loved ones appear on each shallot you know they’re ripe. Squeeze fresh lemon juice over top of them. Collect tears in a small bowl and save for later. Destroy shallots beyond recognition.

Step 7: Do not stare into the void; you are not ready. Instead, speak into it. Tell it your hopes and dreams and dark secrets you keep locked away deep within your mind. Listen for a voice. It will be quiet at first, but soon it will be all you hear. Sing to him. Let him drink in your soft tones. Allow him to know you. Don’t be afraid. Soon, he will know all.

Step 80: Heat a pan of hot oil and roast your thyme. You’ll find it brings out this beautiful fragrance to your herb. Be careful not to burn it! Time is delicate. Time is –

Step 81: Weep. Call your parents one last time. Accept the inevitable.

Step 4: Once, there was a tall tree in a distant land; the tallest and widest tree in all the world. It would take a year just to walk around its massive trunk. The tree’s peak stretched beyond the clouds and pierced the sky. People built towns and villages around the Great Tree safe within its shadow. All was well. Until one day a boy tried to climb the tree. The boy was scrawny and nervous, the object of ridicule for other boys his age. But he knew he was special. The boy would do something that no one in the world could ever dream of doing. He packed his bag full of food and water, kissed his crying mother, and began his quest to see the top of the Great Tree. He climbed and climbed. Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Even as he breached the clouds; still the tree rose above into the night sky. The boy had run out of food, so he devoured sap that leaked from the tree’s orifices. The boy had run out of water, so he ripped branches and leaves from the body of the Great Tree and sucked out any moisture he could. Years passed, and the boy became a man. The man was so high that the sun passed right by his face. He plucked it out of the sky and crushed it to dust. “If I am left in darkness atop this infernal tree,” the boy said, “let them also be in darkness.”

The man grew bitter and cruel; still, he climbed seemingly no closer to the peak than when he started. So many years passed, and the man forgot his life before the tree. He forgot all tastes but yellow sap. He forgot all smells but the stale air around him. He forgot all feeling but the cold. One day, the man spied the top just at the end of his sight surrounded by glittering stars. The man wept deeply, finally so close to achieving what his heart most desired. He scrambled up the Great Tree trunk, clawing and biting his way to finally sit atop the tree and look down on the world the way everyone looked down at him. As he was finally about to rest his hand on the crest of the Great Tree, his foot lost its hold, and off he slipped. Down he fell through shadow and starlight. The sounds of his screams echoed across the planet. He is still falling now. That is his punishment. And so, he will fall until mountains become dust and the oceans freeze. Until demons rain from the heavens and the sky bleeds red and black. You can hear him screaming even now.

Step 5: Sprinkle shredded cheddar over the top of your beautiful creation and broil on high for five minutes. Once cool, divide into eight sections and serve!

Him

Serve Him

You live to serve him.

Serve Him

The master with crown of bone

Serve Him

SERVE HIM

Well, if you made it to the end of this post, you are one of the lucky few! Thank you so much to my followers and sponsors, without you none of this is possible. I hope this dish brings you lots of satisfaction and leftovers! Feel free to check out my other blog posts for more traditional recipes. Cooking can change your life, people. It changed mine.

Food For Living

Food is Life, Food is Love

Food is Freedom.