Stupid, Useless, Waste of Time Journal

[TW: Mental health issues and swearing]

7/1/23

Dear Journal?

Am I supposed to write that? I never wrote a diary, but everyone writes "Dear Diary." What's the difference between a diary and a journal? This is stupid, anyway. I have nothing to say. What am I grateful for? My pen hasn't run out of ink. Yippee. When was the last time I even used a pen? 

7/8/23

Fuck you, Journal,

Everything sucks. Work is miserable. My leg hurts. I'm grateful for finding a hot dog in the freezer for lunch.

7/15/23

Fuck you, Journal,

I'm grateful that a volcano didn't erupt and bury me in my house last night.

7/22/23

Fuck you, Journal,

My fucking sister called to tell me how much fun she's having in Greece. She's on vacation - why is she calling home? Because it's free on WIFI. As if I care about her fabulous life. I'm grateful for the time zone difference because she only babbled for 10 minutes.

8/22/23

Fuck you, Journal,

I'm grateful my psychologist didn't fire me for not writing in this stupid thing for a month, because then he would tell the psychiatrist to cut off my happy drugs. Which, clearly, are not making me happy.

8/25/23

Fuck you, Journal,

I'm grateful there wasn't a gas leak in my kitchen that caused the house to explode.

8/26/23

Fuck you, Journal,

I'm grateful I wasn't struck by lightning.

8/27/23

Fuck you, Journal,

I'm grateful a lion didn't burst through my front window and eat me.

9/1/23

Fuck you, Journal,

I'm grateful I got paid today. This project will never end. When are they going to stop requesting changes? I'm grateful for me - I'm the only person getting anything done. 

9/8/23

Fuck you, Journal,

I'm grateful a bird didn't shit on my head.

9/9/23

I'm grateful I got the cast off my leg today. Really.

9/12/23

I'm grateful I took a shower standing up and without wrapping my leg in 40 layers of plastic.

9/18/23

I'm grateful I only need a cane to walk and am done with the crutches.

9/20/23

I'm grateful my brother took me out for drinks and dinner last night. I am NOT grateful he told me all about his latest girlfriend, including all the kinky sex details. I don't think this is why the Boy Scouts taught us to tie knots.

9/26/23

Fucking work. So aggravating. No one does what they're supposed to do. Then the physical therapist nearly killed me today. I'm grateful she didn't twist my leg right off. I'd look for a new job if my leg weren't still a mess.

9/29/23

I'm grateful I got my prescription renewed today.

10/3/23

I'm grateful I slept through the night last night and didn't wake up 5 times with leg cramps.

10/15/23

I'm grateful my sister brought me a nice dinner. 

10/20/23

Finally finished that nightmare project at work. Is grateful even the right word? Relieved. Disgusted. Exhausted. 

10/28/23

My brother surprised us with tickets to the World Series last night! He took our sister and me. I can't believe it! She knew about it but I didn't. How did they keep it a secret? It was so amazing. What an exciting game - both teams scored, two extra innings, and then we won! I didn't even notice my leg all night.

11/6/23

Got a bonus for the last project! They recognized me! Unbelievable. Hard work pays off sometimes.

11/13/23

Started the new project at work today. The customer actually seems to have reasonable expectations. I think we have a good team this time - everyone's got at least a few years' experience.

11/20/23

Last physical therapy session today. This limp isn't going away - it's permanent. No more playing baseball. I'm just a spectator now. I'm grateful for this bottle of vodka.

11/23/23

My sister and her boyfriend hosted Thanksgiving dinner tonight. She's an amazing cook but I didn't eat much. I'm grateful for the beer and football game.

11/27/23

Got reprimanded by the psychologist for writing negative thoughts again. "You've been doing this long enough to put a 'happy' filter on everything," says he. I'm grateful I'll never be on a losing baseball team again.

12/3/23

I'm grateful I was able to go on a hike today. I'm grateful everyone pretended I wasn't slowing them down.

12/10/23

I'm grateful for the bike ride today. And I didn't slow anyone down.

12/20/23

I'm grateful for all the parties I've been invited to this month.

1/1/24

I'm grateful for the girl I met last night.

1/10/24

Started tapering down the happy meds. Feeling okay so far...Apprehensive? Let's go with grateful.

1/22/24

Had another nice date with Joanie. Grateful, for sure. 

1/25/24

Grateful for Joanie.

2/6/24

Grateful for Joanie.

2/14/24

Grateful for Joanie!!! We went to a nice restaurant, totally romantic. 

3/3/24

Introduced Joanie to the sibs. They liked her. I cooked dinner for everyone. Yep, I sure did. Not even hot dogs. Real chicken, all by myself. I'm awesome.

3/7/24

Grateful to be completely off the happy meds. 

3/25/24

Had a fantastic time at my sister's wedding. Grateful that I can still slow dance.

4/10/24

Got a promotion at work! I really am as good as I think. 

5/5/24

Can't believe it worked out - we went on a family camping trip, all 3 couples. I did okay with the hiking. Joanie's a pro with campfires. And she didn't seem to mind the noises coming from Jim's tent. Well, maybe we smothered them out with our own.

6/3/24

Got released from therapy. Does that make me normal? Happy? Grateful?

7/5/24

Why am I still writing here? I went to watch Jim play baseball yesterday. I was feeling blue, but he wanted me there. And surprise - he's getting really good at surprising me - they called me in to be home plate umpire! I'm so lucky to have him for a brother.

5/3/25

Today is the second anniversary of the car accident. Thought I'd do an annual update. The limp isn't better. The job is. I have a niece. She's 2 months old, the cutest thing ever. My sister is ecstatic. 

5/3/26

I asked Joanie to marry me and she said yes! I don't think I've ever felt this much gratitude.

5/3/27

The wedding was incredible. I kind of don't remember a lot of the details, just that I was so happy. We went to Greece for our honeymoon. I did NOT call my sister.

8/26/69

Gosh, I had forgotten all about this journal. Joanie and I are cleaning out the house. We're moving to a condo in a retirement village. It's not far from our older son and daughter-in-law. Our younger son is an hour away in his special needs group home. We'll still drive out to see him every week. 

My sister and her family are all doing well.

My brother died a year ago. We miss him, but life goes on. And it's good.