Clueless Caper

Dirk was dropped off just outside of Kansas city. He dusted off his sport coat and straightened his tie realizing the clothes he wore were his first mistake. "Hey mister need a ride?" a farmer yelled over the roar of the tractor engine."two more swipes and I'll come back for you." Dirk nodded and found a dry place to sit along a fence. "Why the hell did I apply to the U Protection Force?" he asked himself. The "interview" if you want to call it that is being dropped off in parts unknown to the applicant and having to survive with no money phone or friends for a year. If Dirk survived he would be considered for the director position at the UPF. "So here I am in a fukin corn field in a suit wearing wingtips. What was I thinking?" he decided to take one step at a time and not think too far ahead. The farmer at least recognized he might need some help, he was encouraged 364 days to go. but also hungry his stomach pinged and panged. Corn lots of corn in the field just over the fence. Dirk's second mistake: was straddling the barbed wire fence, one leg caught a barb and tore his pants clear through to the crotch. "Great. Ten minutes in and I'm hot sweaty hungry and covered in dust." He ripped off the torn pant leg and stuffed it into his pocket. Eleven months 364 days to go. With so many failures at the UPF the entire agency was gutted and new requirements put in place. Everyone a. t the UPF would learn what the US has available before making arbitrary announcements to the public. 2040, the DHS long disbanded citizens looked once again to the government for leadership. This time based on reality. Dirk had years of experience as a decorated detective solving many crimes. He was proud of his ability to ferret out clues and suspects how hard could it be to depend on the hospitality of strangers for a year? He was about to find out. "Hop on, I'll take you as far as the 7/11" Dirk climbed into the tractor cab, hearing another rip under the arm. As promised ,the farmer deposited Dirk at a 7/11 miles from anywhere. The store keeper saw the raggety man approach and ran to lock the door. She was alone in the store and locked the door whenever she was svared. With few strangers in the fields she always let the familiar farmers in.

The dust covered man wearing a sportcoat and a bare leg looked suspicious. He knocked on the door She waved him away. He sat by the gas pumps hoping to get a ride. At 4 pm a truck carrying cow manure pulled in. He wasn't sure what smelled worse the gas fumes spilling from the leaky hose or the manure. Not in a position to complain he accepted a ride to the nearest town. "What are you doing In these parts?" the teen asked ","applying for a job." "No work here." the driver said. "I can see that. Can you take me to a hotel"? "Don't have that either.":"Possible to wash up at your place." "Nope, wells dry' Dirk was learning how difficult it was to ask for help. "Bus? Train? Plane out of here?" He sighed. "Thumb" the driver said.

The teen dropped Dirk off on the side of the road to wait for a vehicle to pass, and that's what the first three vehicles did. They passed him, one honking, another throwing litter out the window .nAround midnight Dirk got a ride into Kansas City where he was promptly arrested for indecent exposure. "But officer" Dirk pleaded.v"But nothin' you are almost buck naked."

Not even 24 hours in to the interview process he learned strangers weren't waiting to make his life easy. Exactly what the UPF wanted applicants to learn. At least he had a bed for the night...on concrete. After a cold night Dirk asked for coffee. "This isnt a B&B got money I'll get you a donut" "No money" Dirk said. "Call somebody " the guard said 'We don't feed our prisoners." "I'm hardly a prisoner, my pants ripped. The other leg is in my pocket." "Judge gets here after the holiday. Tell it to her. I'll look arou nd for a needle and thread." he offered. "That would help a lot.'

" Dirk s stomach growling. Four days till the court is back in session Dirk wondered at the strategy of the UPF. Maybe to toughen the bureaucrats , maybe to experience the country he would serve, maybe to weed out the competition for the job. Whatever the rationale he had slot of time to think about it. Sure the strategy was based on the popular Survivor shows. Made sense i.n a way. He was certain he'd survive a year on the streets as he sewed the pant leg back onto the crotch sram. "We don't take kindly to men exposing themselves in our city." the judge said "30 days" she said striking her gavel. "What"Talk back toe again.n and I'll double it. Call someone to pay your fine and I'll let you go." Dirk thought long and hard about what friend would help him. He didn't have many friends left." but his aunt in Lansing agreed and gave him her charge card to get out."Free but not so free" Dirk said to himself leaving the jail. He was hoping to get as far away from the jail as possible but as soon as he stuck out his thumb he heard a cop on the bullhorn. "No hitchhiking in city limits" Deflated but determined he trudged on. Hospitality is a rare thing. He decided that he would be hospitable in spite of his surroundings. No food no money no change of clothes no car few friends and still 360 days to survive. He wondered how the other applicants were coping. He grew up in the. Suburbs and had never wanted for anything. So far his your of the heartland was heartless.