Half of me

March 9th, 2020.

Down in the basement, I was standing in front of the donut-shaped machine that had come to life by pulling down the red lever lodged in the eastern wall. God knows who installed this portal here but it stood firm in the creepy house that we had just moved in. It had a user guide whose cover page stated, “To the future you go, leaving a half of you behind.” It emitted buzzing bolts of thunder that merged, magnified and mitigated continuously. The constant flashes terrified me. Yet I stepped into the discharging chamber just to get zapped ,knocked out and then to wake up thirty years later into a whole new world.

March 9th, 2050.

I opened my eyes to a glaring glow in the parking of a cluster of smoked-glass buildings linked to each other by covered walkways. The sliding door let me walk through the entrance that flashed a neon sign “NORTHWEST HOSPITAL”. The prestigious institution had inspired me to take up medicine as I struggled through the perplexed waters of career and choices. Thus, I guessed I would have been working in the same institution in future. But had I really leaped through time using a mysterious machine? I walked to the reception where the newspapers lying on the desk affirmed that thirty years had lapsed.

“Does Dr. Zæn work here?”. I asked hesitantly. The positive answer reassured me of my arrival into the future.

“He is in outpatient department today.” replied the receptionist hastily.

Later, I was roaming in the outpatient department when I saw him, I could easily recognize my older self . The same blonde hair, brown eyes warm since forever, only the skin a little saggy. He spoke eloquently with a beaming face. As soon as his eyes caught the sight of me, he paused as if he had recollected some old rotten memory.

"How can I help you, mister...".he asked.

"Daniel. My name is Daniel.” I had to lie.

"Hi Daniel. My name is Dr. Zæn. What medical problem brings you here?"

“I have abdominal pain".

"Any other problems?" asked the nice doctor as he examined my abdomen. I shook my head to "no".

"Okay. I'm gonna give you medicine for the pain and keep you here for a while." said the doc.

"Your name. It’s rare to carry a phonetic alphabet in your name". I spoke as if I wondered.

"I never spelled my name to you, dear." A tinge of doubt waded the waters of his mind.

"Never mind". I blurted out.

"It’s not that unique.” said he smiling. “Don't you forget the Zæn Nolin- famous writer. He even has my surname, man." Dr. Zæn Nolin exclaimed.

March 9th, 2020.

There lay my body, stupefied in the basement with jumbled wires. I had and had not traveled through time. A part of me remained and a part was gone.

Back to March 9th, 2050.

At night, I was in a bed in the general ward admitted for a fake pain. Muted TV was had tiny forms racing across the pixels. Someone switched to the news. Unluckily, a horrible accident had just killed the famous writer-Zæn Nolin and so his face was all over the news. Effortlessly, I could identify him. Cor blimey! He was another older version of mine who had just been deleted from my future. He looked very much like the doctor whom I had presumed to be my future self, perhaps slightly older than him. The blonde hair were the same and brown eyes were warm as ever. But the skin looked a little saggier than that of doctor. There was an age difference between my two not-so-possible future versions. My eyes bugged out in bewilderment. To quench my thirst for the unknown, I snuck out of the bed only to find Dr. Zæn Nolin in the parking.

"Hey, how's your pain?" He was startled by my sudden appearance.

"I feel fine. I was discharged by another doctor". I lied again.

"Do you want a ride to your home?" asked Dr. Zæn.

I was about to get into the car when the luster of a metallic dagger gleamed into my eyes as he smirked. I defensively threw out my fist in a fast jab, sending it into his ribs with a satisfying crunch.

“Listen to me. I’ve been grieving my own death for so long.” Dazed by the punch, Dr. Zæn started mumbling. “I will not let that happen to you.”

I didn’t know what he was referring to and I didn’t care to know at all. My brain was frying up, flicking me into a cold dreadful lunatic. He slipped backwards, barely avoiding another blow. Unfortunately, his sudden movement had upset his balance, and he staggered backwards. Seeing the opportunity, I leaped after him and snatched the deadly weapon.

"I should've executed you the moment I saw you" said he in an agonizing pain. My very blood boiled in my veins. My whole body trembled. I had always been as mad as a hatter in panic situations. To calm my nerves down, I shoved and twirled the dagger into his heart until surges of blood rippled through the gaping wound in his chest. As grayness deepened over his face and paleness in his eyes, numbness took a bite out of my wolfish madness until it turned into a state of shock. My heart thumped loud, hammering hard into my head and tension grew in my body making me breathe shallow and sweat copious until salty tears blinded my eyes. I fumbled with the lifeless corpse and stumbled to the car only to do away with it.

Since the series of unfortunate events, a painful remorse kept seeping into my aching bones, chilling me down my spine, choking me to death, devouring chunks of my soul everyday. Parts of me that remained struggled to co-exist with me. Eventually I grappled with my guilt after years and turned out into a doctor. My name of course Dr. Zæn Nolin, just like my older self whom I had brutally murdered. Still there were thousands of loaded questions that boggled my mind. I kept having flashes of deja vu for thirty years until a young man arrived only to unravel the Delphic mysteries.

Back to March 9^th,2020.

There lies my body, stupefied in the basement with jumbled wires. It is presumably my other half that got stuck in the 2020. He wakes up, assumes the time machine to be a piece of junk and writes an impressive story about it that he deems he dreamed (but he really didn’t dream. Perhaps he also has flashes of deja vu that make him realize what is really going on with me- his other half). Nonetheless, he becomes a best-selling writer of his time, and I only see him on TV screen in future when he has truly lived thirty years as he meets a horrendous accident in 2050.

Today- March 9^th, 2080.

Today I am 50 years old, the same figure that I had already seen in the form of my future self-the doctor. I am examining patients when a young boy walks in. Blonde hair, warm brown eyes. He looks like a younger version of myself. I pause for a moment to recollect old rotten memory of the ill-fated day when I lost ten years of my life by traveling through time

“How can I help you, mister…” I ask.

“Daniel, my name is Daniel. I have an abdominal pain”. The young boy lies.

But from the bottom of my heart, a fear surfaces that a half of him might have used the same ominous time machine to skip thirty years of his life. Tiny forms are running across the screen when the channel is switched to the news. A breaking news highlights the screen. “The famous writer killed in a terrible accident.”

At that very moment, many undiscovered truths surface to my mind. I realize that the time machine installed in my eerie house was never perfect. The fancy user guide statement about two halves of body- one travelling and the other staying was not what it seemed. It had glitches. It did not send one into the future but replicated a copy of oneself in the upcoming time. Thus, the young boy is there to make my today’s night the last night I ever live and then drown himself in an eternal shame and timeless misery as he sees a replica of him dying in an accident. But I won’t let that happen to him as I've long been grieving the same tragic events. I’m going to save him from my murder, from his agony.

“I will embrace his grief and kill him myself.” I think in my mind while my body trembles and the metallic dagger lusters in my car.