Photographs

Nikki hummed as she stirred the bubbling sauce on the stove. It was just a store bought spaghetti sauce but she knew that was perfectly fine. She leaned down to check on the garlic bread in the oven. The kitchen already smelled amazing. She grinned and popped a lid back on the sauce turning down the heat. The pasta was still bubbling away happily. She tucked back an annoying strand of her sandy brown hair and collected a couple of plates from the cupboard. Zoe should be home anytime now. 

She set the table for the two of them. She set out the nice candleholders, the ones they didn’t use very often and placed the long taper candles in them. She lined up the silverware carefully trying not to leave fingerprints. She wanted this to be special. This anniversary was special. They tried the flame of romance alive but everyday life was banal. Habits were formed. This anniversary was a chance to reflect on their first year together.

Once the table was set she turned down the lights. The dimness played over the wine glasses and the shine of the silver. She glanced toward the front door hoping her love would wander through any moment. Pictures of a year well lived and loved lined the hallway and the stairs. Shoes piled by the front door and jackets just cast all over. This was a constant source of annoyance for Zoe.

Nikki loved sweaters. She was always cold so she was curled up under the fuzzy blanket that lived on their couch. Even in the summer she usually had on a light sweater. Zoe constantly teased her about it. They were both convinced it was why Nikki could work in a professional kitchen. She was always cold, so the extra heat was needed. 

Her keys shone on the hook by the door next to her mask. Ah the masks. She was used to them mostly at this point but it was always odd to her to see them. She had them on hooks by her door, her coworkers had them over their noses and mouths. Zoe would come home with one on her face. She was grateful for the protection but even after all this time they still surprised her or struck her as odd. Next to the door was a picture, it was a picture of their first date. 

She loved that picture. It always brought back the memory of the day it had been taken. They’d gone out to the pier, because Nikki loved the ocean. It was half the reason she moved to California. She smiled at the faces in the picture as she picked it up. Her own sandy brown hair was messy in the wind rushing along. The sun was setting behind them. Zoe’s arm extended out of frame holding the camera. Her own short black hair blowing in the wind. Nikki was not one for wearing make up so her face was bare in the photo. 

Zoe’s green eyes shone with a smoky eye, flawless foundation over her pale skin. Somehow even after years here, she never tanned. Her lips had been red in the picture that day. Nikki could see the calligraphy of the tattoo on her arm. Dreamer. Her girl definitely was a dreamer. Zoe had several tattoos while Nikki only had the one on her left ring finger. It said love. She and Zoe had gotten matching tattoos instead of rings. She gave the picture one last glance before returning to the kitchen. 

The spaghetti was done. Nikki looked at her watch again, wondering where Zoe was. She should be upstairs singing some nonsense song as she changed out of her work clothes. Pulling out her phone she hit the contact information ignoring the happy picture of her normally serious girlfriend making a silly face. Worry was beginning to make its way to the pit of her stomach. “Leave a message. No message, no callback.” Nikki frowned as she reached the voicemail.

“Hey babe just making dinner and wondering where you are. Call me when you get this,” Nikki said trying to keep the worry out of her voice. Likely, Zoe was just working late and had forgotten to let her know. Nikki didn’t want to be teased about being worried on top of everything else. She sighed as she poured the cooked noodles into the sauce trying to keep them from turning to glue. She carefully checked the garlic bread to make sure it wasn’t burning. 

She did all the cooking for anniversaries and birthdays now. The story behind that decision was the picture hanging on the fridge. Zoe was standing next to a messy counter and a burnt birthday cake she’d tried to make Nikki. She had failed miserably. Nikki had come home to the mess of a lifetime and Zoe in frustrated tears over the burnt cake. It was burnt on the edges and still goo in the middle. A tub of frosting sat open next to this monster. Zoe had obviously let it cool in the pan and when she went to frost it had discovered the awful truth. 

There was flour, cocoa powder, sugar, milk and eggshells all over Nikki’s normally pristine work tops. A large mixing bowl sat nearby dripping dark brown batter all over the counter. A whisk and rubber spatula sat on the counter next to it. The smell of burnt sugar and cocoa lingered in the air. “Oh honey. I don’t know why you keep doing this to yourself,” Nikki had said choosing not to get mad. She’d wrapped arms around Zoe and kissed her forehead. “We should just order a pizza and have dinner in bed…” she let the sentence trail off suggestively. 

“You always make me a cake on my birthday,” Zoe said, fighting back tears. Nikki considered this while brushing her girlfriend’s fringe away from those captivating eyes. Nikki smiled at her and kissed her gently. 

“Yes because I am a professional chef. You are an artist, draw me a picture next time. I’ll make the food for parties so I never have to walk into my kitchen looking like this and my beautiful girl in tears over a cake,” Nikki said softly stroking her soft cheeks and feeling Zoe relaxing in her arms. “Come on, pizza in bed is my idea of a perfect birthday.”

That night had been nice. They had eaten pizza in bed and spent the next day cleaning up the house. They had started with the kitchen and then done deep cleaning that so rarely got done. Nikki didn’t really like cleaning but she loved spending time with Zoe. If that meant cleaning, she would clean. She turned the heat nearly off on the stove and went upstairs. 

She pulled the hair tie out of her hair. Carefully running  the brush through her curls smoothing the normal frizz with a spritz of her hair spray. It shone like silk after a few moments. She reached for the rarely used makeup but didn’t bother with the foundation or highlighter. Zoe liked kissing her freckles. Applying a bit of eyeliner, eyeshadow and mascara and finished off the look with a dark mocha colored lipstick. 

Walking back into the bedroom, she pulled on the dark brown sweater dress and pair of heels. It hugged her curves in all the right places. Or at least that is what Zoe said. Putting on her the jewelry that was her last anniversary present, the small crescent moon necklace and star earring that sparkled with the inlaid gems. They had been something Zoe had designed and ordered. She told Nikki that she had the stars in her eyes. Nikki had kissed her silly on that day. She glanced in the mirror and smiled, they didn’t often dress up. Anniversaries were special. 

She made her way back downstairs. She checked the food and the clock. Frowning, her dark brows drawing into a firm line over her face. Where in the world was Zoe? She never worked this late without giving Nikki a call. She knew that Nikki worried. She dialed up the number again and hung up when she got voicemail.

She called the office phone. It rang and rang and rang and rang and rang. No answer. Even if Zoe was ignoring her cell phone, she never ignored her office phone. Nikki hung up and took a deep breath. She ran her fingers through her hair messing up the curls. Anxiety was settling in. It was a heavy weight deep in her chest. She hugged herself tightly trying to give herself some semblance of comfort.

She walked to the door and opened it anxiously looking up and down the street. Nothing. There was no movement. It looked like a suburban street should in the evening. Everyone was inside having dinner with their families. All the cars carefully parked in their driveways. Porch lights shining in the night. She frowned and pulled her head back in, it was cold out tonight. She chewed her lip as she dialed again only to get voicemail. “Come on Zoe, where are you?” 

Her eyes slid over the pictures of them. Dates and memories lined these walls. Happy faces pressed in on her, her and Zoe’s, their friends, parents and siblings. Memories of Halloween and Christmas. A few relatives birthday parties and a wedding about a year before their own. She made her way over to the couch and sank down on it weak kneed. Where was Zoe? 

They both had a tendency to panic so when they were going to be late, they called or texted. Zoe would never worry her like this intentionally. She started chewing on her nails, a nervous tick she fought against actively. She swallowed and her leg jiggled as she waited. She strained her ears to see if she could pick up the sound of a car. She kept her eyes on the door, the phone was clutched tightly in her hand. Where was Zoe?

A million horrific scenarios flowed through her head. Was Zoe in a crash? Was she lying somewhere in a ditch dying? What if she had been attacked at work? Or had a freak medical emergency? Her blood ran cold at the thought of not having Zoe. Zoe was her rock. Zoe was her person. She leaned on Zoe for everything. When she was happy she told her love, her wife. When she was sad she told her love, her wife. When something happened that she didn’t understand she told her love, her wife. She made two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at night when she got up because she knew Zoe would want one when she came back to bed. She had learned how to make perfect fried pickles for Zoe. 

Her heart was racing and she could feel tears prickling at her eyes. This was why they always called each other. Nikki immediately jumped to the worst case scenario. She had worked on it and she was better, which meant it took longer for her to melt down. In this case though she was terrified. She just knew she was going to lose her wife. Her wife was lying somewhere injured. They would never see each other again, never talk to each other again.

She wiped angrily at her cheeks. She had to keep it together. She stood up to pace. Pacing was good. Pacing tricked her brain into thinking she was doing something. She wasn’t. She was just panicking, wearing a hole through the carpet. More tears slid down her face. She just about jumped out of her skin when her phone rang. Zoe’s name flashed on the screen and she just about collapsed in relief. 

“Love?” she answered not caring that her voice was choked and breathless. She didn't care that she sounded and looked like a wreck at this point. She knew as soon as relief wore off she would be pissed. She could smell the burned garlic bread. 

“Is this Nicole Vargess?” a sterile voice asked. Nikki’s breath froze in her lungs. No one called her Nicole. No one had since she was a small child. A male voice that sounded like a cop on her wife’s phone. Scenarios flashed through her brain again. She pushed away the images and swallowed. She had to be an adult. Zoe was likely just injured. That was all. She was injured. 

“Yes this is her,” her voice was small and choked, like a child. Maybe being called Nicole had a regressive effect on her. 

“We have Zoe Wise here. I’m sorry to inform you that she was in a car accident. She didn’t make it…” 

There was more but Nikki’s heart was beating too fast and loud to hear anything. She sank to the couch her mind reeling. 

She became aware she was talking. “...no, no, no, no, no....” soft and barely audible as she stared at the opposite wall at the wedding picture. The two of them on the beach. In light white sundresses standing knee deep in the ocean as they kissed. It was taken by a helpful friend. He’d ruined his shoes standing in the surf to take pictures while they frolicked in the water. 

Zoe was gone. Her wife, her love, her rock, her family was dead. That smiling face kissing her so amazingly, so happily less than a year ago was gone.