When the blood runs cold

As far back as I could remember, I knew I was different then the rest of my family I was the baby of 3 and the only girl. As the years passed, I've came to realize I was the black sheep of the family. My heart and mind was nothing like my brother's. I felt it every day, and as years passed by it was proven to be true. My life was a chaotic mess, filled with lots of hurt, trauma and brokenness. No one could do no wrong, besides me. And when life took it's evil turn, I was Left with a fear and realaztion that, my life I was born in, was not my life and the ties needed to be served. Granite the blood that ran through my body, was the same as my brother's and parents. But my blood seem to have dinner different in it. Poison is what I call it. For as it ran through my body, evil thoughts and unspoken diagnosis is what it brought me. I realized that I young age that I was going to have to get through life on my own. I did the best I could, for as long as I could. But that blood the blood that tied us was still running rabbit in my body. I needed it out there was nothing else to do. So after all the years of trauma and abuse and being connected to a family that was not yours, I cut the poison out.

One cut after another until my body was healed. That was the day I served ties, with the family I share blood. I had to walk away, for I did not fit. I can't explain it I just know it, but that's okay though the blood still runs through my veins, my ties are forever severed. I do not know why or DNA was program different, I do not know why the ones who are my true family are so different from me. My heart is daily and the memories burn like hot cole on fire. I love runs deep and I want nothing but to feel wanted and needed in love. But that's not in my making, that's not in my jeans. For I believe the umbilical cord that connected me to the woman who gave me life had a yield Lane connected to it. For wherever that other piece of cord was to, that is my true family. I'm not talking about a person or people or a place, I'm talking about a feeling that an emotion. My blood family, is my family the family I cut ties with. But this other family I was connected to is my real family. They are my soul family. Our connection is deep, its peer, its clear and its true. I can't explain it I just know, now when God gave me my blood family they were not the for me. Maybe they weren't the ones for me, but I was the one for them. I was there to make them see and to make them feel that there is love in the world. They may have broken me, and made my blood run cold. But I survived I am okay for my soul family has blessed me in many ways. You may be confused manly never heard, of a blood family and a soul one. But I'm here to tell you it is real it is true and pure. The words are hard to find, it's something that you feel. It's an experience it's out of this world, it's mind-boggling, but I tell you as you sit in there reading these words it is so true. My soul is happy singing loving, though my heart is breaking for the connection with my blood family that's so so waited for so long. But as I stand here today I have a smile on my face, for I know I will be all right.

Though the tears will fall as a memory to play back in my mind though my heart will break for that long and family bond. I find peace and comfort in knowing that all along this family bond, had to be cut at the end. I'll forever cherish the time we had together. I would never treat it for anything in this world, for help me and shape me into the one I am today. I don't know if I understand how people is DNA and blood strongly the same, can be too oppositely different people. I actually feel sad for them not myself. I don't know if they'll ever feel the joy, and peace that I do everyday. Don't get me wrong, it's also very lonely, scary at times unbearable. But then I'm reminded though they were my blood family my ultimate family the one who made me who I am today, the one who molded me shaped me into the gentle soul I am, did my heavenly father my God almighty. My ties ran cold with the family I was with, but the burning ever so brightly for the one who created me. You see, why I know this is true. My heavenly father bleed for me. He sacrificed his life for me. My blood family would not even sacrifice, their image their life and their beliefs for me. I was the outcast thrown way like garbage. Mental Health is my diagnosis it's not who I am. The trauma and the abuse, that I endured made the blood family run, hide and abandoned me. But I got through it and I always will. For that's why I know I had two umbilical cord. There's no other way to explain it especially when you feel it. I tried so hard to come up with the words but then I'm reminded there are none and there won't be. My father has given me something so special so pure only the purest hearts feel it. I love my family I always will, my heart will ache my soul break as I remember the memories the good and the bad. But I find comfort and knowing that I'm not that bad. Yes I'm a human and yes I'm a sinner, but I am also a chosen a chosen one of God's an angel that walks his Earth. Trying so hard to heal the dark and souls. My ties had to be cut, for they started to tant me. Gotd knew then, that is Angel needed a rescue. So my blood ran cold as the poison ran through me. At the end I was able to break free and walk away from that family I knew.