A Pre-Cursors for Charles

Think about what I’m about to do for your intellectual reading mind and that I believe I’m getting pretty good at it.

 If you don’t laugh at least once I’ll hang glide without wearing a pair of dependable panties on or better yet smell, my ex-wife stinking sour dough feet as she walks around work 22 hour shifts trying to explain to  people why she farts in and out the bed up under the covers and doesn’t have audacity to warn me one or two of them farting bombs are possibly coming as she giggles or watching  Ru Paul Show with no hair and wear a pair of  Richard Simmons work out shorts and kiss a picture of the Mona Lisa in drag. Ain’t  them thoughts funny!  I’m just a writer who want someone to laugh at a man who is mindless.

I’ll probably talk about the ignorance we tell ourselves subliminally.  The process is a stimulus or mental process below the threshold of sensation or consciousness; perceived by or affecting someone's mind without their being aware of it.

Facts: My reader’s Mister or Miss/Ms. /Mrs. reader’s I know that our mind does wander to know that our attention spans have shrunk. The average professional’s and Jerry Springers and Steve Wilko watcher’s and Tik-Tok a Chinese video-sharing social networking service that you or them or him or her or a dyke or a transgender of a toilet sniffer like Blokey McGee from Northern Ireland or someone’s old grandmother looking for love on tinder gets over 300 emails/text messages a day and spends over 20 hours a week responding to them. Attention spans have shrunk by almost one-third according to Joseph McCormak, the author of BRIEF: Making a Bigger Impact by Saying Less.

I’ll bet you a free donkey ride in Afghanistan you didn’t know that. I did! (laugh)!

I  wish and hope that you don’t want to stop reading or go to the last page of this short story. You will conceptualize my “ Writing Insanity” !

Mr. B. (I’ll tell you what the B stands for later in which will just you will or may not the simplicity, clarity, clearness, plainness, simpleness, intelligibility, understandability, lucidness, lucidity, coherence, directness and straightforwardness to this funny story because, it’s not her fault because she never met a idiot like me who forgot more or no less than she will ever not know, poor thing.

When you write for a living.

You know who I’m talking about because you write everyday as a habit and they don’t understand. While they believe that everybody can “write”! Baby “I” don’t watch porn in the middle of the night. (I only usually do that with her freaky sadistic sister) Opps keep it in the family…. You’re darn good because you well know I live in the Donald J. Trump world were anyone in your family does have the hots for another member of the family. A RUSSIAN FIRST LADY MARLA MAPLES. Oh my!  You know I’m “right”.  

I lived sexually with Rwanda and her mother for years who insisted upon teaching me new and exciting ventures in and out of the bed. Now don’t forget she’s freaky deki.

The bits before the bit of interest are called “ pre-cursors ” The bits after the bit of interest are called “ post-cursors ”.

My bad it just occurred to me the new RUSSIAN FIRST LADY is IVANA.

Hold your horses!!! Not like Mister Ed and Wilbert. The literal meaning of the expression ‘hold your horse’ is to make a horse that you are riding stand still.

In my case, then it is obvious that the figurative meaning is to slow down or stop when you are doing something too fast. Like writing about stuff that does and will never make sense unless they’re a true writer and can think outside of the mental box. Some good synonyms for ‘hold your horses’ are to wait, stop, take your time.

While I was slowing down my thought prose the only thing that came to mind to write about was I was thinking about Pee-wee Herman.

Fact: Children's television star Pee-wee Herman aka Paul Reuben was arrested and charged with exposing himself inside an adult theater. That whoa nelly didn’t work!

My mind drifted as it usually does when I write. Now that’s a fact!

I’m going to get to the story line about how me and my gang were intent on building a tree house and me naturally being the architect.

I had it all designed even though my arch enemy and best friend  Charles fought against me all the way. Back in them days racism was at an all time high. Territory in which you weren’t allowed to venture in. We’d rebuilt each day and the white boys would purposely tear it down. Charles stated vehemently each day let’s “kill” them hunky’s. I say why? They’ll get tired of us rebuilding each day. By the way Charles accidentally fell out of that three story tree house unbeknown to anyone but me and him and God. He’s in a wheelchair now much and his depletion and motor skills of his  brain cells doesn’t allow him to say much but that damn treehouse and pointing at me like I did something to him. It would not have happened if Charles didn’t follow my directions.

Them white kids we went to school together every day and really not knowing they could have used it themselves.

Well eventually they got tired and so did I!

I went off to college and having that tree house for a couple of summers and winters stuck in my crawl. Who would have ever known that I would have would become a dog food tester? I had to taste new dog food product, including bones, tinned meats and dog biscuits. Dogs can’t tell you what they like and dislike. Besides all my lady friends were also contended upon calling  me a dog anyway after I left them high and dry.

 I can’t help that I wasn’t to be  “B” like them in which it literally meaning a female dog, is a pejorative slang word for a person usually a woman who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, a control freak and lives by being a rudely intrusive or aggressive "B".

When applied to a man, “B” or me as they constantly referred me is a derogatory way for being subordinate. Its original use as a vulgarism, documented from the fifteenth century, suggested high sexual desire in a woman, comparable to a dog like me in heat. The range of meanings has expanded in modern usage.

In a feminst context, it can indicate a strong or assertive "B" woman. Sorry, I got little sidetracked there but I wanted you to know what the “B” stood for.  Yes of course I used to bark like a dog while making wild and crazy passionate love to my ex-girlfriend mother. Like I said previously she taught me well and howdy duty.

Don’t laugh because any product that comes to the market by has to be approved by The Food and Drug Administration that is the federal agency of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, one of the United States federal executive departments. The FDA is responsible for protecting and promoting public health through the control and supervision of food safety, tobacco products, dietary supplements, prescription and over-the-counter pharmaceutical drugs, vaccines, biopharmaceuticals, blood transfusions, medical devices, electromagnetic radiation emitting devices, cosmetics, “animal foods” & feed and veterinary products.

Listen if you can’t make a person smile or laugh while they’re reading your written voice. Then what’s the sense in writing. A story doesn’t even have to make sense or the reader tries in vain to analyze it.

I recall when I purchased my grandson the Dr. Seuss collection because my daughter Adrienne complained about that he doesn’t like to read. Today he reads book such as  Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce published in 1939, One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez published in 1967, Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon published in 1973 and The Female Man by Joanna Russ published in 1975.

After he handed me of all people that book to read. In truth “I” stopped reading completely. KIDs!

That was his way of getting back at me for giving him the nick name ”Bark” of teaching me the importance as a to what a young black man needs to learn from really listening to former presidents Taft or Filmore world’s and  teaching him the importance of reading and not finishing the tree house in my backyard because I had more important things to do like tasting dog food. Again you might laugh and I wouldn’t be disappointed if you did, yet I make over $60,000 a year tasting them dog treats. Some of the products I taste are far better nutrients then human dogs eat. Now you know that was funny!

I laughed too.

The only thing I don’t like about testing those products that I have a propensity to pee on fire hydrants, sometimes I get the  "zoomies," having a burst of energy and excitement, having a taste for green grass, humping on inanimate objects, digging and pawing the bathroom after pooping in my toilet to my territory.

My current girlfriend just doesn’t understand what that dog food tasting is doing to are relationship. But she like the checks I bark at her.

All I can say today it’s a dog tasting dudes life. It’s just a per cursor to a man dog tasting life because a dog can’t climb up a tree house and those summer of fun even when  “I” tried to get to Charles dog called  Spot  rottweiler to climb up that old tree house back in the day after we gave him  blow macho weed in his dog nose or like Charles used to drool . Charles laughed looking up at our old tree house that  “I” accidently pushed him off.