The Unfulfilled Dream

I’ve always agreed to people’s choices and preferences, but when mine was at stake, I had no one by my side. Well, so that left me with nothing but to gallop. I’ve made compromises and settled even for less than I deserved, but not anymore. The water was over the head, and I had to swim to live. Letting myself sunk would have left me with nothing but the option of death.

So here I am. Away from my past, my misery, my dearest mother, and the love of my life. But that is nothing in comparison to my freedom. This feels good and amazing!

It’s such a silly thing that I’ve never known what freedom feels like, but it’s what I have always wanted. Back in India, I’ve always hated the way people judged me, their orthodox thinking and the way they made men feel superior to us. This was my lifelong dream. Journalism. Abroad. Freedom. Independency. All feels good now.

I miss my mom sometimes, but I cannot call her. She would be so disappointed in me. Back in India, she was my only friend, correction "Best Friend". Even she had no clue that I was going to run away, here, in Singapore. She might be so worried; Only if there were any way that I could reach her, I would say, “Your angel is safe mommy, and happy, living her dream. Don’t worry, she will manage.” But that isn’t a case here. My dad and my brother might be waiting for me to call and trace me back home. Home? I would rather say a prison where people aren’t allowed to dream, “GIRLS” aren’t allowed to dream.

My family is very orthodox. I heard my father talking to one of his friends about marrying me to someone soon. My god! I haven’t even completed my last year of graduation, and these guys want to set me up with a stranger. I mean, don’t they know how rebellious I am? And that’s when I ran away.

I didn’t even get time to break-up with my boyfriend. It was just a text saying, “I am sorry but I cannot stay here anymore. Goodbye.” He knows what I’ve been through and will understand my situation here. He is a kind human and deserves a much better person than me as a life partner.

Now that is all in the past. Don’t overthink it and let’s get started for your college today.

It wasn’t easy to get in here. I had to take a transfer and wait for the acceptance letter too, and the tuition fees are so huge here. I have started 2 part-time jobs. It is quite hectic, but somehow, I find time for my friends. All is well and good for now. After my graduation, I can finally do what I want in life.

Everything feels like a dream come true. The people are nice, and my roommate is also an Indian. So it somewhat feels like home, but when the topic comes to my love life, the land is still empty. I don’t believe in one night stands and hookups, also I am not a romantic freak. I believe in real stuff, but right now the time is to focus on my career.

The friends I’ve made here in college are very accepting of me. We have been grouped into 4-5 people for the upcoming presentation we have to give by next month. So, today I am meeting the group at my friend Julie’s house. She is a good friend of mine, and her brother is a total creep. I mean, he always thinks that he’s the most handsome and charming guy in the room. Well, he is. His blue eyes, light brown hairs, muscular tall body, and that perfect teethed smile is a package for a perfect life-partner. But there’s no need to show off man!

“Hey… I thought you won’t make it tonight. You know, after that kiss…” he said.

Oh, God! Why he had to bring that up? I mean, WHY?

“What kiss?” asked Julie.

“You remember last weekend when we went to Katherine's party?” I said. “Uh-huh.” Nodded Julie. "So you know how drunk I was.. and then… I kissed him," I said and she gasped.

"It was just in the spur of the moment. It meant nothing," I added. 

“That’s my creep brother who YOU AND I BOTH HATE!” she told in a high pitch.

"Well you’re jealous as you being my sister couldn’t set a high standard like me, and you.. you have a big crush on me," said Noah, Julie’s brother.

“Huh.. me? Crush? ON YOU? Chill okay. No way, I DON’T like you.” Well, I do but I can’t say that out loud.

"Yeah.. whatever," he said.

"You guys, stop it. And Ishika, stay away, far, far away from my brother. Come with me to the kitchen and help me serve some beverages to these people," said Julie, dragging me there.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” I answered.

***

After serving the drinks, everyone started the project work. It was easily finished as we divided the work among each one. Later, they decided to go out for some drinks.

We were at the bar and having shots. It was fun. As it got late, they started leaving. Even Julie left with his boyfriend, and I ended up alone with Noah.

We were by the bar, eating nachos, and having sips of the drinks, watching people dance and enjoy. I too wanted to dance, but the DJ changed the song to a romantic one.

“Shall we?” asked Noah, lifting his right hand towards me with the intention that I would say yes. Heh, in his dreams. I watched him. Oh, those eyes and that innocence he shows. OMG! NO, NO, DON’T SAY YES.

“Why not?” I answered. Idiot. You idiot. Just finish up with the dance, and leave as soon as possible.

As we strolled towards the floor, he brought his warm hands on my waist. It gave me chills. We were staring into each other’s eyes and he pulled me closer. I could feel his breath, and the spotlight was on us. It was just like a fairytale. The only thing missing was a gown on me. I was in those stupid jeans and t-shirt.

We were slow dancing, and he said, “You look beautiful.”

“Stop being so perfect. I know you like it when girls fall for you. I am not one of those stupid girls who will fall for your charming looks.” I stated.

“This means you find me charming. Woah! Did you just compliment me?” he mocked and smiled.

Oh! There it is… That smile! Stop it. Stop it.

“You know what I mean… I didn’t compliment you. I just told that those stupid girls fall for you,” I said.

“Let me ask you one thing,” he said and asked, “Why do you hate me this much? You judged me so quickly. I mean how much do you even know me?”

“I didn’t... I mean, it always looked like you.. you know what I mean.” I stuttered.

He smiled and spoke, “How can you be this beautiful and stupid, Ishika?”

Oh, God! He said my name. He never spoke it before. He spelled it so correctly. Stop it. You are falling for him. You cannot. 

He looked into my eyes, pulled me even more closer, and kissed me.

My eyes were closed, and as I opened them, he smiled. “I like you.” He said and added, “I really do. You are so brave, smart, talented, confident. I mean how can someone not like you?’’

I blushed, and as I looked on the side, there he was standing. I was stunned.

“What are you doing here?’’ I went towards him and asked.

“Does that even matter anymore?” he said and continued, “You moved on so quickly. I am still in love with you, Ishika, and you, do you even remember me?”

“Of course I do, Rohan,” I spoke with guilt. I never thought I would see my ex ever again.

“What are you doing here?” I asked again.

“You just left me with a text, Ishika. How could you do that? I haven’t slept in days. I miss you every day and every second. How could you just leave like this? Your mom cries everyday missing you and your father..” I interrupted him, “Just stop okay. You know what I’ve been through. You know it was hell for me there.”

He gave me an angry look and was about to speak when Noah came, and asked me, “Are you alright? Who is he?”

“It is fine. I am okay. He is an old friend from India. I think you should leave. I will talk to you tomorrow. Is that alright?” I asked him.

“Okay.” He said and left. Maybe he looked upset, but he should understand.

I hugged Rohan. I don’t know why I felt the need to do that, but I did. He didn’t hug me back. He was still angry. I told him, “I am sorry. But you know how I had to leave in just one night. My father wanted me to marry someone and that would have ended my career even before it started. After running away, I had to stay at a hotel in Mumbai for the passport and visa approval. It took more than 7 days. I was undercover till then, and I left the day itself my visa arrived. If I were caught, I would have been brought back, Rohan.”

“Firstly, you expect people to sympathize with you and understand you. Do you do the same for them? Tell me, do you?” He asked me grimly.

I was silent. I didn’t utter a word after that question. He spoke after a minute, “Do you even know what I’ve been through? Do you even have the slightest idea of how miserable your family is without you? They miss you. They want you back. Your father never..” I stopped him.

“You don’t know my father. He never loved me. All my brother and parents think are of their reputation and position in society. They will never give me the freedom I deserve. So you just shut up, and never teach me about my father, or my family.” I burst into anger.

“You know what. It was a big mistake coming here. Your family doesn't deserve a daughter like you. You seem happy here. You have figured everything out, and that is all I’ve ever wanted, your happiness. So, stay happy with… with….” He was hurt and couldn’t finish so I added, “ with my boyfriend.” He sighed, but then gave a smile.

He looked heartbroken. He came miles for me, and I greeted him by breaking his heart. I really never deserved such a great guy. I should let him go.

“I guess I am happy here, living my dream, finishing my studies. I even have two part-time jobs which will serve me good money until I graduate. I have really nice friends. I think it is time you leave. Goodbye, Rohan” I told, and kissed him on his cheek.

He seemed shocked. He never expected me to send him away like this. I mean, I still love him, and my heart is breaking, but I cannot go back home. And even if I do, my father will make me marry someone else. I can’t tell Rohan to stay. I mean, he won’t ever leave his family for me. He told me that a while back.

So, he left. He started walking and never turned back. He had my number. I gave it to him, but he neither called, nor texted. I didn’t see him after that incident.

***

A month has passed and things with Noah aren’t the same. He has changed. He doesn’t like me anymore. I guess I was just a trophy for him which he had to win anyhow. Julie has a full right to hate him. How dumb can I be? After that meeting with Rohan, I couldn’t think of anything but him. That is the reason I never gave him a face-to-face goodbye. I miss him. I miss my mom. My grades are falling, and I am left with just one job. I got fired from the first one as I used to get there late for many days. I haven’t slept I don’t know since when. I cannot live like this.

Suddenly, a message popped up on my cell saying, “I wasn’t going to text you or call you ever, but you deserved to know the truth. Your father wasn’t going to marry you to someone as he knew about us. You didn’t hear the conversation he was having with his friend. You were not at all ready to listen to me that night. I am really sorry that I didn’t text you earlier. Your mom is angry with you but also misses you a lot. Your brother is worried about you, and I miss you till today. I love you. I want you to be happy always. I know I cannot ask you to come back for me just for my happiness, but you could’ve asked me to stay with you that day. When I saw you kissing the other guy from the bar, I was heart-broken but happy in your happiness. As long as you are satisfied with your life there, I am happy for you, Ishika. I love you always and forever. Yours truly, Rohan.”

Tears rushed out of my eyes and fell over my phone’s screen. I couldn’t believe what I had done with my life. I had left my family, my friends, and Rohan just because of a misunderstanding. I cannot stay here. I have to go back and apologize.

I texted Rohan that I was coming. He was so happy that he called and told me to wait and that he will come and pick me up.

I told him, “Are you insane or what?” and laughed.

“I will take the next flight I get,” I said. I haven’t smiled like that for so long. I was actually happy. This gave me a relief sort of happiness. I never thought that going back to India might be this fun and satisfying. I booked the very next flight to India, after taking a drop from the college. It wasn’t that hard. I thought of pursuing Journalism from India itself. So I packed my bags and went to the airport.

Ishika did go on the right path, but luck wasn’t with her. The flight she was in, got crashed due to a tornado in the ocean. More than 50% of people were saved and rescued, but Ishika wasn’t.

Rohan waits for her each day and checks every flight coming from Singapore, in a hope that maybe Ishika was saved and that they could have their happily ever after.

You write your life story by the choices you make. You never know if they have been mistake. Those moments of decision are so difficult.

 -Helen Mirren