A Bushel and a Peck

Today is the day that Kyle would have to man up and do what men for thousands of generations had to do. He would have to do what men一real, true, manly men一 have gone to war for. He would have to face his fears and slay the beast. It would take all of his courage, but he will do what he has to do to do the impossible: go on a date. 

To the normal person, this would be fine. This would be an everyday occurrence. Heck, this wouldn’t even be an issue. However, this is Kyle’s FIRST date. Not his first date ever, but his first date since the eighth grade. He was so nervous that he didn’t even tell his parents. When they asked where he was going, he just said he was going out with friends. That wasn’t exactly a lie, but he still felt guilty about it. He hopped in his truck and hooked up his phone to a bluetooth speaker. He punched in the address to an apple orchard, played his favorite Lady Gaga album, and drove off. 

At a stop light, he passed a happy family setting up a lemonade stand. He remembered when his parents would do that with him and his sisters. He watched as the little boy accidentally spilled some lemonade on his sister. She screamed and the parents scolded the little boy. Kyle decided to drive onto a side street to park. He got out of his car and locked his door. He walked all the way up to the lemonade stand. As the parents were scolding the child, he pulled out his wallet. “Hey, uh, how much for one cup?” The parents became embarrassed, and the girl was uncertain. The boy chimed in. “$1!” Kyle laughed. “When I did this with my sister, it was twenty-five cents a cup. Times sure change.” The girl handed him the cup as he handed her a dollar. He drank it. “This is the best lemonade ever! You guys should be proud of yourselves.” The lemonade was terrible, but he had to boost their confidence. Before leaving, he kneeled next to the boy. “Hey. I spilled lemonade on my sisters, too.” Kyle turned to the sister as well. “In a month, you won’t remember this. What you will remember is this amazing lemonade stand.” He got up and put another dollar in the tip jar. “Take care.”

Kyle kept driving down the road, eventually hating the sound of Gaga’s immortal pipes. He wasn’t in the mood to have his feelings spoken out loud. In fact, there were moments he thought about canceling. What was the big deal, anyway? Just because he wasn’t dating anyone doesn’t mean his life wasn’t fulfilling, right? And who cares if his best friend Colton set him up on a date? It’s not like he was complaining about being single or something, right? And who cares if he would die alone in a retirement home surrounded by pictures of the family members that didn’t see him or care if he was dead or alive? Oh wow he needed some love and attention… affection. He meant affection. What was wrong with him? 

He pulled up to the apple orchard and saw that it was more packed than usual. Maybe he should leave. Maybe he should tell Colton that something came up and he couldn’t meet with-

“I’m sorry. Are you Kyle? Colton told me what your truck looked like.”

Damn Colton. Damn Colton and his ability to be one step ahead of him. 

Kyle looked out the window and saw the most beautiful man he’s ever seen. This man was tall, and although he was wearing a flannel, you could tell that he was built. His blue eyes reflected in the sun, and his brown hair looked soft to the touch. Kyle awkwardly rolled down the window. “Hi. Um.... that’s me! Kyle.” Damn. Colton knew his type. 

Kyle stumbled out of the truck and began questioning everything about himself. Was his hair nice? Did his shirt match his eyes like his date’s blue shirt perfectly made his eyes glow? Was he bloated? Damn that terrible lemonade and the goodness of his heart. Kyle couldn’t stop looking at his eyes. Oh, and his date’s dimples stretched for miles. He forgot all about time. Wait. What was his date’s name? He forgot. Shoot. He laughed. “And you are?” 

His date laughed. “I’m John. Uh, Colton told me you were awkward as hell.” Really? He couldn’t make him sound a little bit cooler. “Colton even said ‘Kyle’s been talking about going apple picking all year. You should go there first.’ Is that true? I love apple picking.” And he rambles exactly like Kyle does. Colton did it. He found someone exactly like him. Kyle smiled. “I guess I talked a lot about it.” They just stood there and looked at each other. Neither knew what to say, and Kyle leaned up against his car. Unfortunately, he car alarm went off as soon as his butt hit the door. Then everyone started to look at them. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid. “I don’t know if our dear friend told you this, but I’m… uh… new. New to this.” John grabbed his shoulder. “It’s okay. I know what it’s like not to be out yet. We’ll take it slow.” 

They started going through the orchard, and Kyle found out that he and John had a ton in common. They both loved Lady Gaga’s song “Joanne,” they both loved the smell of a crisp fall afternoon (like today), and they both had younger siblings. They both felt like they had to be the perfect role model for them, which meant that they couldn’t come out as soon as they would like. For John, that was last year. For Kyle, that was… not now. Well, he was out to Colton and a few other friends from school, but not to his family. John started telling Kyle how he and Colton got to know each other, and it was hysterical. “Colton and I met at a club actually. I was, uh, drunk. He and I made out a little, but he was doing it on a dare. I did it cause I was, like I said, drunk. But, he thought I was cool.” Kyle laughed. “It was an honest mistake. What about you?” Kyle was hesitant. “Well…” he started, “I met Colton in college. That’s it.” He started trying to pick an apple as John tried to get more out of him. “Kyle, what’s going on?”

Kyle sighed. “I had a crush on Colton in college. He, um… he obviously doesn’t like me back, but it was a while ago. I guess I never got over it.” GREAT FIRST DATE CONVO, RIGHT? Kyle just wanted to rip his own head off. Why talk about this on a first date? This is a talk for… what number date is it when you talk about a crush you had on a mutual friend? Oh right. NONE. NEVER. And John was just laughing. Why was he laughing? Was this funny? Was he making a face? Oh my god he was making a face. He needed to say something. What was he going to say? “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” 

WRONG THING, KYLE. He was out of practice, and certainly was not going to get a second date. You know what? He was fine with living alone. He was… 

John kissed him. On the mouth. John kissed him ON the mouth. 

Kyle’s mind went blank. What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? 

And then John kissed him AGAIN. And Kyle was kissing BACK. In PUBLIC. What was he doing? Why was caution going to the wind? 

Kyle backed away. John was nervous. “Was that bad? Colton told me I was pretty good.” Kyle stopped him. “No, John. You’re… amazing. And hot. And amazing. Did I say that?” Move on, Kyle. “I thought this was going bad. Why are you kissing me.” John cupped his cheek. “Kyle, I remember my first date. You’re doing fine, actually. And don’t worry: you’re a much better kisser than Colton. And you’re sexier, too.” Kyle blushed. 

Kyle and John got a huge bag of apples by the time they left. John smiled. “I had a great time.” Kyle smiled back. “I had a great time as well.” They were quiet for a little bit, but then Kyle had an idea. “Well… maybe I can come over tomorrow. We have enough to make a pie or two.” John blushed. “Uh, that would be great, but it might be noisy. My siblings are doing a lemonade stand this week, and I have to watch them when my parents are in couples therapy… Oh god. That’s not a first date thing, is it? Exposing baggage?”

 Kyle was shocked. He remembered the kids from earlier and the lemonade stand. “Uh, at a house by a traffic light?” John nodded. “Yeah… how did you know?” Kyle explained his story about the lemonade stand on the way up. “Oh… why would you drink that? My parents never allow them to use extra sugar, so it’s always bitter. I should be paying you for that.” Kyle laughed. John walked him back to his car, and he kissed Kyle again. Once again, Kyle’s butt hit the car door and it went off. “Sorry,” he began, “I need to get that fixed.” John smiled. “Well… I will text you with the deets tomorrow. Or tonight. Whenever.” John smiled as he walked away. Kyle got into his truck. He reclined his seat and screamed in bliss. He shot back up, realizing his window was down. John locked eyes with him and winked as he drove off. 

Kyle picked up his phone and called Colton. “One: screw you. Two: I’m the better kisser.” Kyle hung up his phone and started his drive home.