Presence

Music was leaking from someone in the building. Elsewhere someone was desperately trying not to spread their emotions all over the accounting team. In the cafeteria, one of the cleaners was just getting a hold on their presence. You must understand that this kind of behaviour was not seen as acceptable although it was not particularly surprising, Mercury was in retrograde and it was always harder to hold yourself together when the stars were out of whack. ‘Watch the stars’ her mum had always said, ‘make sure you don’t make any big decisions when Mars is angry’ which was a profoundly bullshit thing to say since she’d married Dad when Saturn was rising. Because that decision worked out so well. 

She’d always made a point of making all major life choices when the stars were most effective, sometimes you need to make small petty acts of revenge where you could take them. Case in point, she’d started the new job at Earl Industries exactly when she shouldn’t have, and she had suffered every day since. It was a hassle always keeping her presence so tightly held against her chest, always being so careful about everything she said. Always so afraid of influencing anyone, of being responsible. Officially, no-one could say anything, but unofficially, a lot of people lost their jobs for other reasons. It was always, ‘not meeting KPIs’ or ‘doesn’t fit in with the work culture’ never about your presence. 

Her ability was particularly contentious as it could be theoretically used with, ‘wild abandon’ as her mum used to say. ‘Men will always follow you and want you’ and ‘you have to be careful about your powers’. This and more bullshit followed her wherever she went, traditionally she would be expected to work in a position far away from people. Yeah fuck that, she did what she wanted. 

She went to smoke in the back of the building, where there was a natural windbreak from the ocean. Stephen was already there, desperately trying to keep a clove cigarette lit. He was pretentious, loud and had a bad habit of trying to grab her butt whenever she walked past his desk. Critically, however, he was never a stinge about sharing his cigarettes so she put up with him. Eventually, he was able to keep the cigarette lit and he was unable to keep the pleasure off his face. She had a hunch about his presence, he always seemed to run a little cold in his manner. You can’t ask though, that would be inappropriate. He never had to keep his presence in check, he was able to spread it around and use it whenever he used for whatever reason. It made her so angry that he had this privilege that was denied to her. 

Even as she was walking up he was extending the box to her, it seemed that he was still labouring under the impression that eventually, she would fuck him. More irritatingly he had been pushing for the office to unionise and push back against the discrimination. She prepared herself for another lecture about the value of their fellow man and the importance of standing together. All the while he chain-smoked and stared, with no hint at irony, down her shirt. What a prick. 

Pleasingly today is Taco Tuesday, last time the sour cream had just turned. Maybe this time they would remember to make the guacamole. With a start, she realised that he was still talking, he was talking about presence. Her presence, she bit down the desire to tell him to piss off and focused her own cigarette and quelled the desire to make him shut up and go away. It would be so easy to make him stop talking, to make him eat his words and his stupid cigarette. It was just on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she butted her cigarette and walked away. Eventually, he would realise that she had left and would move onto a new victim. Her hands were shaking, she had hoped that the smoke would calm her down settle her nerves. The ache to make everyone go away was at her fingertips. She stumbled to her desk avoiding her manager and the woman who thought they were friends she sat heavily on her chair and struggled to keep herself together. A pair of headphones is a powerful thing, as is mindlessly scrolling through excel spreadsheets with random data. Just a few more hours and she could stop pretending. 

Today was not a good day for her. It was Debra’s birthday, there was cake and she had to time each bite whenever anyone asked her a question or tried to make conversation. It was too close to the surface, if she gave in now she would lose her job and she needed the money.

Fuck, and there was Stephen he had that look on his face like they were going to have a conversation whether she liked it or not. And they were on the fourth floor. She couldn’t handle this today if he continued to push, she would have to push back and there was no coming back from that. She was quickly running out of options. Something was going to snap and she was running out of time. 

He pulled her away and started talking at her about working together, and using their presence to ‘make the world a better place’. His hand was tight around her wrist and she could feel bile rising in the back of her throat, the desire to make him go away rising.

She could feel darkness sneaking into the corners of her eyes and it ached to push it down. He kept talking at her about brotherhood and togetherness, even as he reached out and gripped her other hand. AShe had never felt angrier, how dare he treat her this away, make these assumptions about her goals and life with no regard for her feelings? Her vision whited out and there was only darkness.