Women Are Unpredictable

“Leslie? Is that you?” I couldn’t believe it. What are the odds that my high school crush would be here? “I’m sorry, have we met?” Of course she doesn’t remember me. “It’s Jake! From high school!” Her face turned red. It was obvious that my name didn’t ring any bells. “Sorry- I-” she stuttered. “You know! Jake Reynolds! We were in like 20 classes together?” She started avoiding eye contact. “I know we didn’t talk much, but we’ve met a few times. Remember Dylan’s party? We played beer pong. We absolutely destroyed Charles and Amy.” She stopped blushing and looked up at me. I thought that she had finally remembered who I was. Oh boy was I wrong. "Is this some kind of joke?" She said angrily. "You know what, I'm sick and tired of being treated this way. What makes you think this pickup line would work? Charles and Amy are my friends, and frankly it's scary how you made up a story about us meeting just to hit on me." I was baffled. I didn't know what to say. 

"Leslie... no that's not what's happening. We actually do know each other! I had a crush on you for all of high school. We had math first period with Mr. Franklin junior year, remember? You sat right in front of me. You always wore your hair in a ponytail. I would get so distracted watching your hair swing from side to side that I almost failed math that year. Then one day, you came to school having dyed your hair a lighter shade of brown. You were upset that none of your friends noticed. But I noticed. I noticed right as you walked through the door. It looked so soft I couldn't help but stare. I always fantasized about asking you out, but I couldn't even bring up the courage to talk to you. You were so popular, and you clearly had a crush on Ben. How could I compete with him? He had perfect grades and was clearly going to be the CEO of a company one day. And I heard he actually started a company! Anyway, it wasn't until Dylan's party that I decided right then and there, I'm going to talk to you. Of course I had to have a few drinks beforehand, but like I said, we ended up playing beer pong. It was one of the best days of my life. I went back home and couldn't sleep because of how excited I was. The next day, I went back to school and you didn't show up. I thought it might just be because you were hung over or something. But days went by as I stared at the empty seat in front of me. I was even more distracted coming up with scenarios of what could have possibly happened to you. Day after day, I couldn't get you out of my head. I started going around school asking people if they knew what happened to you. I was a shy person, so this took a lot of courage for me to do. No one would give me a straight answer. Your friends just ignored me. Ben made fun of me. I didn't give up. I knew you couldn't have gone far. I started skipping class just to drive around the neighbourhood looking for you. It wasn't until a few days later that I realized that you had moved one town over. With no warning. You started attending Riverview High, the local high school. I found transfer papers online and filled them out. I just wanted to smell your hair. I didn't realize how much I'd miss it until you had left. The school called my house, and I answered pretending to be my father. After taking care of a few small details, I managed to transfer to your school. On my first day, I looked everywhere for you. You were nowhere to be found. The school was so big and had so many classes, the odds of randomly running into you were slim to none. I knew I had to get your class schedule to see you again. That night, I hid in a locker as the janitor began locking the doors and closing the school. Once the whole building was empty, I went into the principal's office where I found his computer which contained information about every student who attended Riverview High. Problem was, it was locked. I had all night to figure out the password. I tried combinations of common words and numbers, but nothing worked. I then noticed a picture of a dog on the desk with the words "Buddy" written on the picture. There was another picture of the principal's wedding, with the wedding date inscribed onto the back of the picture frame. Finally, I gained access to the computer by combining the name of the dog and the date of the wedding. Your class schedule showed that you had math in room 202 in last period. I went home and the next day, I sat behind you in math class. Your hair was just how I remembered it, shiny, soft, and copper brown. Unfortunately, I still couldn't muster up the courage to talk to you for the remainder of high school, and you moved across country for college. Remember?"

Surely, her eyes widened. I continued. "I couldn't say it then but I can say it now. Would you like to have coffee with me sometime?" Before she could answer, a bell rang. We had to go into the courtroom. "You honour-" the defence attorney began. "My client is a well respected software engineer working for our government. He displays no signs of mental illness. He couldn't have possibly committed this crime." The trial continued for a few hours. Finally, Leslie stood up. "Your honour, the jury finds the defendant, Jake Reynolds, guilty of criminal harassment." I couldn't believe it. After everything we've been through, Leslie turned on me. Women are as they say, truly unpredictable.