The Book On The Shelf

I look at the calendar, I check my phone, then I turn on the tv, and finally I check my watch. It all tells me the same thing, then I look outside and the sky is there, the trees, houses, neighbors, everything is the same. Then I ask myself what day is it again? My phone buzzes and I look down. The screen displays brightly, Monday March 8th. I stare at the illuminated screen a little bit longer, as if I may be being lied to. Cause yesterday was just like this, so was the previous day, and before I know it; I’ve forgotten again. Then again why does it matter? I ask myself. Everyday is exactly the same. 

In the hilarious movie, “Groundhog Day”. Bill Murray’s character has to relive the same day over and over. At first it’s fun for him, but soon he realizes how depressing it is to go through the same things over and over again. Finally he does what needs to be done in order to be granted a different day. I’m been trying to figure out what I need to do to be granted that new day, a different day, some kind of change or anything. The only problem with that is, that the days are changing, it’s just that everything around me is still the same. 

It wasn’t always like this. There was a time, it’s seems so long ago, but a time when this neighborhood was alive with noises; some from kids outside playing, some from neighbors washing their cars, or from a neighborhood get together that we had every month at a different neighbors home. As cliche as it may sound we weren’t a neighborhood, but a family, a tribe if you like to call it that. We went over to each other houses, called each other, and a wave was expected everyday. Now I look outside to silence, somedays it’s as if even the birds stopped coming around. As if someone hit the mute button and forgot to turn the volume back on or maybe it was the pause button. Kids don’t come out to play as much anymore, no get togethers, no waves, well a nod might happen. I miss the noise’s. I miss the days. I look over at the calendar, Tuesday March, 9th, funny I thought it was Monday. 

I have always had a love for books. At the earliest age I remember being drawn to books and stories. My mom would tell me how she would read to me; poetry, lyrics, and even ingredients. Needless to say literature is in my DNA. So what does a lover of books do? The only natural progression, to open a bookstore. It has been my sanctuary ever since. Continuously growing and expanding, even becoming well known beyond the community. Now it’s all online ordering, virtual tours, and zoom reads. Sometimes in my sanctuary I pray for a book to fall, just so I can hear a different sound than the new normal. I’m still finding success in what I love, but now I feel like a kid in his room with no one to come see my collections...at least not in person. I look at my phone Wednesday, March 10th. I thought today was Tuesday. 

I drive down a quite road with buildings that use to flourish, now a ghost of a use to be. Once occupied with people now just holding places for signs. I see some animals at the park and for a brief moment I am surprised. I never knew deer came so close into town. No one is playing frisbee or sitting on a bench reading a book. The guy with the Fanny pack isn’t running the miles. Instead the characters are replaced with deers mingling together, squirrels sharing a moment on the bench, and some blue jays flying the mile. I rolled down my windows to feel the wind and breathe in my natural surroundings. Even that seems almost foreign now. 

Coming home from my day was what I considered downtime; a moment to reflect on my day, check up on my emails, finish listening to some podcasts, or catch up on some shows. Normally, company would come by and we would have some laughs and talks. Now it’s just me in the house, still going through the same motions. Lately it doesn’t seem like any of it matters. 

It’s almost strange to think of a time before this or that there was a time before this. It almost seems unreal even another lifetime ago. Doesn’t matter though, as we can’t go back, then again would we even know how? It’s been a year since the virus first became known to us. Taking over the world in a matter of months people getting extremely sick, with no answers to why, then the deaths, and no real solutions only guesses to start with. Soon there came answers and a name for it. Then slowly the world shut down; people staying in, shops closing; hospitals full and staff overworked. It used to be a great sci-fi to watch till it became real. Then it became a horror show in real life. 

Now all I see is the ghost of a world that I once knew. Now it has fully been taken over by technological advancements that propelled even more due to the need. My business barely survived the storm, but I knew of others who weren’t so lucky.  

I watched as neighbors left to get out of the city to safer areas, some was because of job loss, and more unfortunate ones was due to family loss. At first the adjustments weren’t easy, the learning of how to function in what was thought to be a temporary issue. Slowly it turned from temporary to a feeling of permanent with slight modifications. It started with days, then weeks, and finally months. Then it got to the point where I just didn’t believe anymore. Was it as bad as they were saying, is it even real? People say that if it’s happen around, but not to you, then is it even real? The answer to that is yes. That’s because soon or latter if there’s water around, you’ll go from looking at it to standing in it. 

When my brother got put in the hospital no one was too worried at first. He said had felt a little under the weather and got a little light headed at work. Some reason he thought it would be easier to just go to the ER. They told him he just had a cold and needed to rest. If you knew my brother you would know him and rest never went together. A person that was always on the go and not one to really stop for too long, he was the adventurous one; planning trips and trying new things. We would always talk at least once a week to catch up on everything. He wasn’t just my brother, he was also my closest friend. So when he did go home to rest, it seemed that was the end of the story; Except it wasn’t. He was back in the hospital with a high fever, head and body aches, and trouble breathing. All the standard tests of flu and all came back negative. Soon he had pneumonia and what seem like only days he went from healthy and fine. To a ventilator and everyone praying for a better sign. After a few more weeks it seemed as if he was doing better, but like some cruel joke from life, he was gone. In a matter of moments my closest friend, my brother was gone. I was now standing in the water. 

Due to restrictions we couldn’t have a lot of people, if any at his funeral. To be honest though, he would’ve wanted it to be that way. He was never one on being made a big deal out of. After that, the days just felt the same, not one different from the next. I felt like a book on the shelf that no one picks up anymore to read, just forgetting and holding on to the pages of memories I had stored. 

I come out of the past to the present from a sound bit from the tv, the reporter says it Thursday March 11th, I could’ve sworn it was Wednesday. Doesn’t matter to a book on the shelf, it’s just another moment alone. 

I’m awaken by a bing noise from my phone notifying me that someone has requested a pickup of a book. I look at the info and for once in a long time I’m surprised. First, of the fact that someone wants to come in person for a book and secondly, the book they requested. At my store I rent and sell my books, most of my rents are online from students or parents of kids and rarely as of late has anyone wanted to purchase a book. Nonetheless an older book. Yet here in my highlight screen is an order for a older book, one I thought most had forgotten about. I look at the time for schedule pick up. Seems the customer is an early riser. 

The coffee machine makes its sweet ground coffee beans steaming in water music as the notes pour into my “Books are my mistress” coffee mug. I glance outside and notice another first in a long time, kids outside playing. I look at my mug sitting with steam of the fresh coffee dancing from it. I pour the liquid awaker into a travel cup that says, “Books get me High” and I proceed outside. The fresh new rays of the morning sun greets me refreshing as the cup of liquid I am holding. I see a couple moving in to a house a block down. They wave at me and I wave back. The first wave in a long time. I look in the garage at my vehicle and push out my two wheel delight. “Today’s a good day to bike.” I say to myself. 

I pedal off down the road on the bike path. I gain some speed to feel the wind brush on my face. I stop my peddling for a moment to let momentum take over as I take a savory sip of my coffee. It’s the first morning in a long time I feel like really smiling. I see the animals in the park as well as some people jogging. Then around the curve of the track comes the man with his Fanny pack bouncing with each step he takes. I take another sip and continue on with peddling. 

Inside my store with my cup still in hand, I park my two wheeler in my office and travel down my shelves each year alphabetical till I get to it. I pull the once forgotten book from its place and I stare at it for a moment. I slightly dust it off and place it under my arm as I walk back to the counter in wait for our purchaser. The bell sounds through the store as the door opens. A women with short brown hair that curves at the end to meet her neck, walks in. She is wearing a blue sundress with a black cross body that moves slightly as she walks in. Her shoes, yellow flats that have slight points in the front that make them almost look like ballerina shoes, make a slight noise as she steps across the tile of the floor. She turns and see’s me at the counter, her blue eyes matching her dress looks into my brown taken eyes. She makes a small but full smile at me as she walks up to the counter. 

“Ms. Evalyn?” I ask her. 

“Yes, but please call me just Eva.” She tells me with another smile. 

I smile back, trying not to look awkward. Though feeling like I may be failing at it. 

Well I have your book ready for you.

I hand her the book in the nicest bag I could fine. 

Thank you so much. This is such a hard book to find. By the way I have been looking forever for it. 

“I hope it’s worth the time it took to get it.” I tell her. 

She looks down at the bag and then back at me as if she wants to say something, but is reluctant to do so. I stand there anticipating her next words, why I don’t even know. All I know is I wanted her to still for as long as she liked to. 

She decides to say something else to me. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” I reply back quickly to her. 

Do you mind signing the book. 

I know she can see the surprise look on my face as I try to hide it. 

I mean you don’t....

I stop her before she can continue. 

No, I would love to. Just been a long time since anyone was interested in something of mine. 

Oh I love this book. I read it when I was in college and just became engulfed by it. My friends might would of used the word obsessed. 

She laughs and I can fill the gleam come over me. 

Unfortunately I lost my copy when I moved and I was so hoping to find again one day. I mean I know it’s online and stuff, but having a book in your hand it’s just...

I help her to finish the sentence, “Magical”

Yea. 

We lock eyes again. Every time it feels as if a whirlpool is pulling me into her. 

“That case, I don’t want to disappoint a fan.” I tell her as I sign the book and hand it back to her. 

“How come you never wrote another book?” She asks me. 

“I don’t know,” I tell her as I for the first time really question why I haven’t. 

I guess I’ve been caught in other peoples books. 

She places the book back in the bag. 

“I hope one day you write again.” She tells me as she goes to leave. 

We tell each other bye and she walks back out into the sunlight of the day. At that moment I can hear my brother telling go talk to her. Make a shot, the worse thing that can happen is you waste a bullet. 

I quickly leave the counter and open the door to see her still standing there. 

“Would you like to get some breakfast?” I ask her. 

“Only if there’s bagels involved.” She responds back playfully. 

I lock up my shop and we walk to a spot close by. Today is Friday March 12th.