Pot of Tea

Plot-hole… Pothole… Potty… Pot of tea…

Little Plump Jo, the current Artisan in Residence in Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies, had written herself into a plot hole again.

Her five overexcitable canine companions, the Dabrowski Dogs, offered their opinions and suggested solutions.

“Plot-hole… Pothole… Potty… Pot of tea…” chanted Sensual Dabrowski, who as well as trying to ensure that Jo included details about colours, textures, smells and sounds in her writing, also insisted on monitoring Jo’s personal comfort and wellbeing. Whenever Jo seemed to be at an impasse, Sensual would call a toilet stop, mealtime or time-out for a pot of tea.

“Ignore Sensual! Just keep writing!” yelped Psycho Motor Dabrowski. “I want to see what happens next!”

“She cannot just keep writing,” insisted Intellectual Dabrowski. “She has written herself into a major plot hole. Of course it would not have happened if she had decided right at the start which of the Elaines, or combination of the Elaines, her Elaine was going to be! It is too late to combine the Elaines now; because she has already said her Elaine is the daughter of Bernard of Astolat. Too late now to also want her Elaine to be the Grail Maiden and mother of Galahad.

Now she does not really have a proper plan. She is just following Elaine (The Lady Charlotte-Elaine, The Lady of Shalott, entrepreneur owner of Charlotte’s Web Weaving) and recording what she is doing.

“It is going to be a while before anything interesting happens for Elaine. I could write about the snow on the Many Mooded Mountain” said Little Plump Jo hopefully.

“Would it move your narrative forward? What purpose would the snow on the mountain serve?” queried Intellectual Dabrowski.

“It would just be a piece of descriptive writing and maybe set the ambience and atmosphere. I could insert it to bridge a gap, indicate the passage of time and paint a pretty picture.”

“N.E.I.G.E.!” chortled Intellectual. “Near Enough Is Good Enough! A real snow job (from the French word for snow ‘neige) ’A way to cover over the gaps and make things look pretty!”

“You could have combined Elaine of Corbenic with Elaine of Astolat. But that option went out the window when it became obvious that Elaine C was the daughter of King Pelles and Elaine A was the daughter of Bernard of Astolat.”

“And then you had an ideal opportunity to do a N.E.I.G.E.! Near Enough Is Good Enough! substitution when King Pelles was planning to swap his daughter with Elaine of Astolat” explained Intellectual.

“But you lost that opportunity when both Lancelot and King Pelles decided it would not be wise to meddle with prophecy”

“So now Elaine is locked into being Charlotte-Elaine The  Lady of Shalott entrepreneur owner of Charlotte’s Web Weaving.”

“Plot-hole… Pothole… Potty… Pot of tea…”

“ Ow, ow, ow, ooooooo!” howled Emotional Dabrowski. “It means Jo will not be able to see her character experience the episodes which form the story of Lancelot and Elaine of Corbenic. So she will be denied a close up view of a sexy love scene and the birth of Galahad. She will also miss Elaine C’s visit to Camelot, Lancelot going mad, and being healed with the Grail by Elaine C. So much of the emotion of the story will be lost ”

“Plot-hole… Pothole… Potty… Pot of tea…”

“If she wants to include those stories, it will have to be as tales told by harpers or other visitors to the Tower at Shalott. Unless she wants to change focus and follow the exploits of Lancelot for a while, she will have quite a lengthy period of inaction to pad out,” suggested Imaginational Dabrowski. “Or, I suppose, she could just write Five Years Later and then continue The Lady Charlotte/Elaine’s story.”

“You know what!” declared Little Plump Jo. “I am quite relieved to not have to write a sexy love scene. I am just going to keep on following The Lady Charlotte-Elaine and see what happens in her life.”

“Plot-hole… Pothole… Potty… Pot of tea…”

“Yes, time for a good pot of tea!” declared Jo.

She reached for her small rosewood box with its selection of teas and went through the process of mentally tasting each flavour in order to choose one. Did she feel she needed a lemon and ginger to sooth a rough throat, or a peppermint to sooth an upset stomach, or pure camomile to sooth jangled nerves, or maybe just a plain tea? Plain tea, Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Scottish Breakfast, Australian Outback, Russian Caravan? Or maybe a Green Tea? By the time she had gone though the mental taste testing, she often resorted to the pure camomile!

Then she would carry her pot of steeping tea and cup to her sunroom table.

“Just pour yourself a cup and bring it to the writing desk, so you can keep on writing,” yelped Psycho Motor.

But no; now Little Plump Jo had to go through the whole High Tea for One rigmarole and monologue.

“Allow me to pour.”

“Thank you.”

“Will you have a scone?”

“Thank you. I don’t mind if I do.”

“And a slice of cake?”

“I shouldn’t really. I have to watch the calories you know.”

“Just as well, because there isn’t any cake left anyway.”

“What about a chocolate?’

“You know I never say no to chocolate!”

“I wonder what tea my characters will have?”

“Elaine, I am guessing you would like your customary barley tea?”

“And Lancelot, I suppose you would prefer something stronger? But no, you cannot have any with the herbals Merlin has prescribed for you.”

“Now to get back to writing. Where was I? Oh yes, I was about to write about the snow on the Many Mooded Mountain, while I try to figure out how to solve the problem of the proliferation of Elaines. Yes, Elaine dear, I know you refuse to be Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Lovely, the Lily Maid of Astolat; but would you maybe consent to taking on part of the role of Elaine of Corbenic? Oh no, I remember, that is not possible now!

“Plot-hole… Pothole… Potty… Pot of tea…”