Reflection

It is still on a smooth lake, the sky oozing over itself in shades of black like poison; not a sign of movement but for a quivering blade of grass by the shore. I lay my light step down to silence its warning, appearing at the water's edge. I have come to face my greatest enemy. He sleeps in the water, lurking through the mud and the murk, eating up every lily that dares rest on the surface of the lake. His eyes, yellow and menacing, are the only color on his gruesome body of grays and blacks, swarming in a tabby apparatus. I peer over the edge of the water, preparing myself for what I am about to see. A wretched, evil monster peers back at me. I growl, he returns it, threatening me with his malicious glare. I let him get the best of me last time, but this time will be different. This time, I will not run. This time, he will be defeated. I raise a paw and bare my teeth, tense. Leaning into my haunches, ready to dive and strike. I prepare to leap through the silent air, but my enemy moves in, anticipating my advance, and lunges to meet me. We collide at the water's surface- my eyes are useless, so I feel for fur, claws, and teeth. Thrashing violently, finding nothing, my confusion grows by the second. I fight, I shake wildly. I am a thunderstorm of unstoppable fury, but there are no trees to knock down, no one to hear me in all my boiling roar. Finally, I slow down my movements, allowing the last inky waves to ripple into nothingness. Shivering to the bone, I crawl gingerly out of the water. I hiss, eyes narrowed in hostility. I don't know what to do with my anger, who to descend it upon. How could I let my enemy escape me? I vowed that this would be the last time. I broke my own promise, and I am infuriated. But I am also determined. I am determined to try again. To find a way to reckon with the demon who lives in my lake, tainting its waters, circumambulating its borders, and poisoning its resources. I will come back again the next day and banish this monster for good. Still soaked, I lurk back to my hidden cave and sink into sleep. I am safe from my enemy here, for he is such a coward that he never dares to come out of the water.

I dream of my love, my long-gone love whom I could not save. She was taken by the monster in the lake. He hurt her, and she could no longer love me. That was why I would stop at nothing until I could confront him. I wanted to tear him to shreds for taking my love away from me. I wish she were here beside me, to tell me what to do, but I am stuck here all alone in this vast dome. It is just me and my lake, and the foul being that sits within, hostility rolling off its grotesque body in oscillating waves. It must leave. But mid-dream, a thought strikes me. If I succeed in abolishing this being, then I will be entirely alone. There is no one else here now that my love is gone. Perhaps the demon deserves reconciliation. No, I stop myself. What am I thinking? He is evil. He haunts me every day, brandishing his invisible weapons in my face. He cost me my love. He deserves nothing. But, I admit, I have never tried a soft approach. Perhaps it is worth it, and I will no longer feel the weight of the world pressing on my shoulders, crushing my spine, curling me into a ball and pushing me into the lake.

The next day is different. I wake up from my slumber early and the sky is bright. I can for once see color, and the green grass sways under a gentle breeze. The soil teems with life. I trot out of my cave and down to the lake. It is blue. I have never seen its true colors, for I have only traveled there in the depths of night. I peer over the edge of the lake, and my enemy appears. But he is different this time. This time, his eyes are not yellow, but emerald green, with flecks of gold reflecting the sunlight. This time, his body is not slashed with gray and black, but patterned in a ginger and orange array. I look down at my own fur to find the same citrus pattern. This time, his body is not tense, because my body is not tense. I lean down to the surface, he leans up to the surface. Our noses touch at the tip of the water, and a calm ripple radiates outward. I smile and blink. He returns the greeting. I feel no tension, no fear. The anger is seeping out of me, cleansing my body, evaporating into the air as if it never existed. I feel a whirlwind of emotion deep in my stomach, as if my insides are rearranging themselves and I have just been born a new being. He looks at me, and for the first time in ages, I feel love and I feel loved. I am him. He is me. He has made me into a fool, he has caused me to fall and make mistakes. He has acted with hate, but only because I have acted with hate. But I am growing old, and I do not have enough strength to tussle and fight him forever. So I will learn to love this other me, this crooked, darker me. This me that makes me trip and tumble, this me that cost me my love. And I will learn not to split myself into good and evil, into heroic and cowardly, into right and wrong. From now on, we will share the blames, we will share the achievements. I cannot battle my own reflection.