No One City

 Everything was grey from the tallest skyscraper to the smallest café, it always rained in the cloudy city never a sunshine, it was all so packed the tapping of water drops, the chatter of people, the smell of smoke from the busy cars those thoughts ran like a fox in Jane’s head.

 No one bothered looking at her whether she screamed, kicked or jumped, how could you hear anything over the rain or see anything under the charcoal black umbrellas but what could she do this was the city everyone had somewhere to be.

 Jane walked back to her run down, dirty beige, 80s style apartment after her job at the ice cold café, if felt ironic a café had hot coffee of the finest beans or at least the finest instant coffee, the warmest colours that felt cosy, friends, classmates doing the hardest projects, strangers just understanding each other on the first date.

And yet that café had bitter distasteful that left an aftertaste for weeks after, the walls felt hollow as if sucking the warm soul away, every living being looking in one in one direct and one direction alone…down, every face painted a shade of light blue by their screens. As if in their own words, everything else invisible.

 ‘I am invisible’ the sickening thoughts ran through her head, she could ran and ran far away and no one would notice, she could die no one would notice, the dark thoughts of her being worthless, one knew but well she had to push those thoughts away, the city is to busy for such slow crippling thoughts.

 One step, two step she was in the building even though it was so old, it was so full. Two busy bodies ran past her as if she wasn’t there, their smiles were so friendly, inviting, warm how could she say no to those faces that gave so much warmth. Well she had to she couldn’t let them in for when she needed them the dispersed like the non-existent wind of the city.

 The city was nothing like her home; the warmth, the cloudless sunny blue sky, it was wider than the biggest wide, the texture of every piece of earth, the wind that passed through her chestnut looks, when she closed her eyes she was still there with her family as the played in the-

She wasn’t there, she was here in the city where she had a job, a roof over her head, food to fill her stomach and responsibilities, she was satisfied. Step by step she went up the creaking stairs, the sound of dripping water filled the narrow staircase due to the unfixed roof, her breath unsteady as she took each straining step, never getting used to the journey to the bare room where she slept.

 Her hand ran across the brass handle to the room it was as cold as ice. Slowly it turned, the door creaking as the door opened, Jane was faced with the smell that was indescribable all she knew was that it was damp, there probably was mould in the room but she could careless, she collapsed onto the bed everything felt heavy as if blocks were thrown on her.

 Her eyes closed and again she was home in her room that she shared with her seven sibling, she hated sharing it, she had to share everything that was hers from her clothes to her food and now she didn’t have share anything in the packed city she had something, she was someone here, or was she? In the packed clustered, building-to-building city, one it a thousand was she someone in this ever busy, rainy city.

 It was a blur, everything was a blur, one moment she was lying in her bed the next she was walking down the busy street, rain dripping down her but she was no longer cold everything was so more. The memories ran through her head the screaming, crying. She remembered because it was the first time the sky whipped with the grey cold rain.

 The day haunted her mind like a stain that couldn’t be cleaned; the sun blazed brighter than any other day as if it was trying to scorch the earth, her mum and dad arguing like they always did Jane sat outside the room unsure of where to go, her sibling away living a dream she couldn’t see for she did have the rose coloured glasses she lived in the bland reality.

 Jane stood up her bare feet touched the wooden floor, she felt have grove, bump and splinter the small things always bugged her, step by step the narrow engulfed her for every step she took the shouting less and less. The sun crawled up her body slowly engulfing her with warmth, she covered her face to avoid it going in her eyes, laughter was heard as she saw her siblings playing in the vast outdoor.

 The called her, smiles on there faces, calling her to the was sunlight. Just as it came it left, the sound of a hooting pulling her into reality. Everything felt more intense the rain was heavier the sounds blasted in her ears, her arm felt numb her body felt slow, Jane closed her eyes again though she never went back to the same warm no it was blazing.

 The shouting louder, it wasn’t locked away in a closed room no it was right in front of her eyes. Tears ran down her mother’s eyes, arms waved in frantic gestures, her sister held her close whispering sweet words into her ears but those words did nothing, she couldn’t say anything her words meant nothing for she was no one.

 The talks turned to shouts and the shouts turned to fights and there was blood so much blood on the floor, walls, her hands there her mother was laying on the ground, Jane felt cold so cold that nothing she could do would warm her up, with tears in her eyes she looked up and there he was the man she called her father in his hand a hammer.

 Jane ran and ran as far as he could away from the warmth of the home, away from her siblings, far away and she never stopped running from the helpless feeling of that crowded house that suffocated her.

 Her eyes opened, she couldn’t tell if there were tears or rain her face. Jane looked to her arm it bled as it washed away when did the cuts become so many she wondered, she couldn’t think about such as slow thought she had to keep moving, the clouds became less and less as she moved, the clatter became less, people less.

 There she stood at the edge of the city, one step was all it took to be free from all the pain, she took the step and there was no more rain, no more people and yet the warmth disappeared she was cold again the same cold as that day but today she was the one bleeding she had so many people and yet she was alone for she was no one, no one at all.

  There she fell on the fresh grass into an endless slumber alone at the end of the crowed city and the opened wild full of crowded memories filled with pain as no one, no one at all.