FORLORN HOPE

    "Jamal"

I nearly cringed from my father's scratchy voice, adjusting the phone to my left ear and reducing the Fuji music that escaped the speaker on the dashboard.

"Yeah?", My response was accompanied with a frown, eyes trained on avoiding the potholes and bumps on the tarred road that led to one of the family's garage.

"Mike confirmed you left the estate with none of the guards in tow__" I rolled my eyes expecting the line that usually followed. "__You should know by now that the streets of Port Harcourt ain't safe for any of the Amadi's to tread on all alone"

He proved me wrong for the first time in my life and said something totally different.

"__I expect you be home in an hour time, your grandpa just arrived and the trip you're supposed to embark on to italy in a fortnight would be today"

The beep from the phone signalled that he had ended the call as my words got stuck in my throat.

There was a rising suffocating feeling in my chest similar in a way to the clogging feeling I usually got there few years ago, when I was still with my mom in the ghetto. Where I'd swallow dried boiled yams in joyous haste so that I wouldn't have to share it with the other kids in the neighbourhood.

But then I'd clear out that feeling after having some gulps of water, now my thoughts are just disoriented on the next step to take.

I wasn't ready to leave, even though I didn't have a life here anyways... leaving would be the total death of my innocence, I know what I was up for in Italy come my 20th birthday tomorrow.

The blaring siren from an ambulance in full speed jerked me out of my thoughts as I swerved with expertise out of it's lane, almost running into the dirty drainage system and successfully into the pedestrian walkway, I applied the brakes to avoid hitting a little boy Hawking oranges in a stainless tray and a trio of girls along that path, their screams followed, screeching noise of the tyres and the dark girl amongst them toppling over a stone.

Shit!

The car came to a halt and I had to focus on making my palpitating heart beat even for a few seconds before unlocking the door and easing my way out of the seat to shamefully face the mess I'd created in my carelessness. 

The harmattan breeze hit my face once out of the car, my skin tightening from it's effect. I pulled the hood from the hoodie over my head to cover my messy long dreads, to make me a bit appealing to the public as they curiously plugged their eyes on me. I was sure looking like a criminal, not so far from reality__ I mentally chuckled.

The girls were helping their dark friend up after recovering from the shock of a near-miss accident, while the little boy Hawking the orange was sobbing at a corner, his tray on the dirt ridden floor and most of his oranges inside the urine reeking drainage.

I stood rooted to my spot, totally clueless.

"Are you like blind or something?", One of the girls with an unhealthily bleached skin rained her saliva on my face.

My nose involuntarily pushed up in disgust as I wiped off her spit with my hoodie cladded forearm. I quickly recognized her as Titi, my coursemate from the University.

My eyes met hers and the realization I saw in her eyes made me look away quickly, moving to attend to the little boy who was trying to save his oranges.

I helped him up from the cracked ground that had plastic bags and old sachet water bags halfway encrusted into it, apologizing.

"How much does your oranges cost?"

He looked up at me, confusion laden on his face stained with tears that the harmattan weather had quickly dried up, he looked down at his fingers counting them.

"All right__", too impatient to wait for him to calculate I dug my hands into the pocket of my frayed jean shorts and got out some naira notes handing it to him. "__you may have this" Nodding quickly to his intense words of gratitude and urging him to go home.

I noticed we'd earned a little more audience already from the passers-by as I nervously made my way to the girls.

"I'm so sorry", my words came out awkwardly as I licked the bottom of my dried lips my throat parched from dust.

"Apparently, you should be", came Titi's rejoinder.

 Will you Gedifok!

So many reasons why I disliked her, apart from her habit of always fishing for compliments with the 'you know I'm not really pretty' or 'I'm not good enough' bait, flaunting the hairs on her flat chest, disclaimer... I'm no body shamer, my late mom had hairs on her chin, didn't stop her from being beautiful and I loved her with my life. Titi here was a furious gossip, one of the kingpin in the business of making tongues wag about my family.

I took my eyes off her leathery and wrinkled dark knuckles to the injuries bringing out white liquids on the elbow and knees of her darker friend this weather wasn't a kind one to injuries and my guilt increased.

"You should see a nurse for that, please come with me", I gestured my hand towards the Ford jeep that was parked at an awkward angle away from the road.

"We're going nowhere with you__"

"__Titi nau", The other light skinned friend who I'd not really taken notice of nudged her with stern eyes.

Blossom.

This was the first time I was within the same breathing space as she was apart from my dreams.

Tight sable-black box braids dangling around her beautiful face, coal black orbs observing me a little shyly and warily.

 I looked away, adjusting my hood over my head, to make sure the deadly looking spider tattoo on my neck wasn't visible. helping the dark girl towards the car, apologizing and feeling the piercing gazes of the both girls behind me.

I helped her into the passengers seat, feeling a little grateful that she'd not refused and caused a scene out there, the way Titi would have wanted.

Talking about her, she had followed-up closely behind, whispering furiously to blossom, wary eyes on me.

Can't accept your criticism when I can't take an advice from you.

I moved across to the driver's door, making sure to ignore the looks on their faces, Blossom's fear Disturbed me the most. Normally I acted like I didn't care about their opinions just like my dad, but I wasn't totally inhumane and my emotions seemed to get the better of me sometimes.

I had become the kid mom had warned me to steer clear off while growing up. Going to Italy today would mean plunging deep into the subversive activities of my family's patriarchy.

I don't know how they agreed within themselves or what they'd come to in conclusion but both of them got into the back seats of the car a minute later and I started the ignition, trying not to pumel back to my thoughts and leaving the small crowd disappointed from not getting the kind of content they'd craved for or were used to getting during situations like this.

I drove them to the nearest hospital, the ride seeming longer than it should be, because of the tension in the air and the whispers from both girls behind. Not also forgetting Blossom's eyes lingering on my face through the rear view mirror when she thought I wasn't looking a couple of times and how she'd awkwardly look away when I caught her.

Getting a space at the parking lot didn't take much of my time as they all alighted the car in haste, like they didn't want to be caught beside me by familiar eyes.

Nothing I ain't used to.

Leaving the neatly graveled floor to the loggia I followed them into the heavily air conditioned reception.

Maintaining a good distance not so far behind though as Blossom made some enquiries from the male nurse behind the counter.

Few minutes later Titi accompanied, the dark girl as another nurse took them away. 

Blossom took gingering steps towards me eyes resting on the Simpson character on my hoodie, rather than my face.

"Errm__", she coughed clumsily "the bill", using her thumb to gesture behind her at the nurse behind the mahogany counter.

I nodded my hood falling off to expose my half hidden long locs and the big spider tattoo beside my neck.

I made the payments and went out of the reception when I felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket.

Dad.

I contemplated whether to answer or not and just watched the phone ring away.

There was a temporary lull in the atmosphere before it began ringing again.

I picked up almost immediately.

"I don't wanna remind you again to leave whatever it is you left the estate for and get your ass back home in the next ten minutes, you have a flight to catch by 3 pm."

And again I wasn't given the opportunity to talk as the line went dead.

I was going to be initiated in italy after my 20th birthday, I'd gotten my findings from the books in my dad's study. I'd tried to push it away from my mind and I did that successfully until a month ago, when my supposed trip to Italy began to be discussed.

We never really conversed, ever since he'd gotten to know that he had a son five years ago after mom's accident. He'd taken me in and given me the life of comfort I'd always dreamt of having albeit causing bad changes.

I could literally see myself morph from the little cute boy on dreads that ran around the room naked during bathe time to this tall and rigid young adult that lived to please an inhumane father, I'd always been his day one sub-servient.

I could picture him right now, jaw ticking in impatience, his receding hairline always sheltered by a baseball cap. The trace of orange musk cologne coupled with the stench of cigars and alcohol that was always around him and lastly his stomach that would press uncomfortably against the buttons of his shirt when he'd had too much alcohol.

I settled beside a pillar on the tiled floor of the loggia.

I didn't want to end up like my grandpa and dad.

Mom had always said I had so much potential, I guess she'd be rolling in her grave at what I'd eventually become.

I was so lonely, pained and bitter, my insides always screaming for release. Dying wasn't an option, proceeding with the initiation wasn't one either. I didn't want to become a full blooded criminal.

I raised my head, hearing the scratchy sound of a rough sole rubbing the tiled floor as someone approached me.

Blossom.

She was definitely coming my way.

I acted like I was reading messages on my phone, pretending to ignore her as she sat beside me, closer than I'd have liked, her thighs as smooth as a baby's bum partly exposed.

She was truly beside me in the flesh.

"Hey", her voice was as soft as melted cheese, maybe I was exaggerating but it did make me feel good nonetheless.

I turned to stare at her face from under my lashes. She was gazing straight ahead, and the only action that gave off her nervousness was the fingers she kept playing with.

"My mom mentioned she was close friends with your late mom", she kicked off, her words forced. I could see the empathy in her eyes, her mom must've really told her a lot of things about us.

An awkward pause followed and stretched, and I sensed her squirming at her lack of words to continue, she could be mentally cursing the initial courage she had had that vanished of a sudden.

"I'm Jamal", I tried to help her out.

"Chidubem__", she called my middle name, only my mom had called me that. "__I, __if you need anything, err__anyone to talk to just call me" she left a piece of paper for me as she stood up to leave. 

I quickly recovered from my shock. "Wait!" It sounded like an order so I added, "please" standing up too and dusting my shorts.

"Can I come to your place?__" she raised a brow, "__no I mean see your mom__if you don't mind." I corrected before she'd start insinuating things.

"Why?", Her eyes met mine for the first time. "I mean__sure."

The vibration from my phone distracted me for a second, I ignored it but it persisted. I had to block his number.

Few minutes later, Titi and the dark girl came out of the hospital, I accompanied them to the gates of the hospital where I paid for a cab for the both of them.

"You're not coming with us?", Titi asked Blossom, bulky eyes, bulging at both of us from inside the dusty rickety looking white and blue coloured taxi.

"Nah, I'm going home, I forgot I've got something to do for my mom", Blossom explained leaving out the part where I was gonna join her.

Titi stared at me suspiciously, with detest apparent in her eyes.

The feeling is mutual miss Titi.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Nk, make sure you take the meds administered to you", Blossom directed at the dark quiet girl who nodded tiringly. "I'll see you girls later"

The cab went into motion and we were both left at the pedestrian walk.

I flagged down at an incoming cab.

"You're not carrying your car with you?", She quizzed.

I nodded waiting for her to give the cab man directions. She did, they agreed on a price and we entered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've sent out the guards to search for you and I promise to put a bullet to your legs when brought back.

I read and reread the message which my dad had sent, using another line.

Good luck finding me then.

"Hey", she poked my arm once, gingeringly. "We're here"

I took my eyes off her full lips to take in our environment as we both alighted the cab.

We were before a half fenced compound that had a bold red X painted on it, depicting that it had been earmarked for demolition. The aluminium zincs were now a rusty brown and the staircase housing spirogyras.

She led the way and within a few minutes we were up at the door.

"Wait here", She instructed shyly before going into the weak looking door.

My phone began vibrating again and I quickly blocked the new number he used in calling me. It was a few minutes to 3pm already.

It started ringing again and I had to hold myself from not throwing the phone to the ground from the balcony in frustration.

Mike.

"Why can't y'all just leave me alone?", I refrained my tongue from cursing cause I respected him.

"Jamal, please come back home, or better still tell me where you are", He pleaded. 

No way I'm falling for that.

"Why do y'all want me to make this trip to Italy so bad?"

He sighed and a pause on cue.

"All right since you've refused to talk__"

"__wait, wait", He stopped me from ending the call. "It's been like a tradition for the heirs of the Amadi's to be brought to Italy on their 20th birthday."

"Why? So they could go through some sort of initiation into a brotherhood?"

"Not a brotherhood"

"Then?"

He sighed. "It's a mafia group, your dad owes them...not only that, it's been this way for decades."

There was a pause and he continued gaining a little confidence and thinking he was winning me over. "Your dad and Grandpa will be ruined if you don't make this trip today."

"Good riddance then." I ended the call and opened the phone to get out my sim so I could break it.

The creaking sound of the door made me turn around to see Blossom beside her mom.

The chubby woman looked to be in her early forties, I felt self conscious about my appearance under the examination of her squinted eyes. Normally it was judging looks I got especially from older folks.

"Good__Good day ma", my heart was thumping.

I finally breathed noticing a ghost of smile on her face. 

"You've grown so big already, Chidubem"

I felt overwhelmed as she smiled brightly at me, her arms open for an embrace. I was flushed and I didn't bother hiding it.

"Come 'ere", she wrapped her chubby arms around my torso and I didn't know when I teared up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Two days passed, one week gone, and already a month. News flew around the notorious chief Amadi murdered by a mafia kingpin and my grandpa dying from emphysema.I couldn't careless, I was free at last.