A Life Less Lived Saves Time

Before bed you put your clock ahead one hour for daylight saving time. When you wake up you realise you’ve gone forward a lot more than an hour.

A Life Less Lived Saves Time

The shrill whine of the alarm woke me abruptly. It seems harsher than usual causing me to promptly grab the clock and blink into the display. I blinked and blinked. Had I gone back to sleep.

My husband peeked round the door drying a dish. “I didn’t know you had the day off honey”

I blinked at the clock some more then I blinked at him “why do ii feel like I overslept?’ as I rounded my back in this morning’s half-asleep substitute for salute to the sun. “I don’t have the day off”

“I thought you would’ve set your clock; you didn’t hear mine. Clocks went forward an hour last night, I was already making coffee. You’re an hour late” he laughed casually as if my world hadn’t fallen apart.

As I chugged down a coffee with double the caffeine, I continued to feel resentful. As I ran out the door my anger grew.

Late in the afternoon I made it home. My whole day had been thrown off and although id made it to work on time my whole routine was disrupted, and it had affected my performance all day making me slow and confused and my day increasingly dreary. I had been rushed all day and felt it in my mind and mood. I gazed in the mirror blinking as I had done with the clock that morning and half lunged to the clock setting it the hour forward as I should have the night before. It was the most exercise id done all day having missed my morning workout and I felt tired lethargic and stressed after the day that had been rushed by my confused mind. Routine disrupted I couldn’t function. I vaguely worried if my job was in jeopardy after today’s antics as I cooked dinner prepared for bed and resented my husband’s neglect.

The haze of sleep still thick I woke to the sound of a child on the television calling her mother. He must be making coffee again I thought as I frantically checked the time lunging for the clock again and narrowly missing the face of a tiny chid who had her face almost pressed into mine calling her mother.

I was jolted awake and the haze changed from sleep to knowledge that this was my child and there was a thriving family in the house.

I blinked this time into the now smiling face of the tiny child, clock forgotten.

“your late Mummy” she shrilled not moving an inch from her dramatically attached viewpoint.

I blinked some more and the child, who ii now recalled was named Amy, grabbed my hand and helped me to the edge of the bed. She ran from the room shrilling about returning with coffee.

They returned moments later Amy carrying an invisible cup carefully next to daddy with the real cup and screeching warned me it was “hot” two dozen times mostly at the same proximity as she had raised me.

Now I was undeniably awake, and my husband made sure of that with a shake of my shoulder after placing the definitely and completely assuredly “hot” drink next to the bed and received another reminder I was late. I felt resentful but unlike I usually did it felt like a long-forgotten memory. The feeling something, I scarcely remembered.

I started with my morning routine remembering that I worked at home now and to my own schedule. As I was sipping coffee through salute to the sun I was just planning an extended workout to celebrate my stay at home status when my confused and adjusting mind was jolted to full waking by three larger children yelling I “was late!” “they were late” “what was I doing” “this isn’t what mum does” I was informed that’s what I di in the afternoons when they were sick and had stayed at home.

I wasn’t dressed and the children threw open the cupboard assembling a mismatched outfit in seconds and informing me to “wear sneakers they’re faster”. Dressed in a long flowing dress that I’d never have worn I was informed I “always wore that dress” and it was their favourite it was insisted I get 5 like it when I’m shopping for toys. There was a little hand held in the air at the mention of the dress and three other little hands joined it at the mention of toy shopping and a frantically babbled assortment of 4 lists were loudly recited and counted from the outheld fingers the two older children’s lists extending to the second set of fingers.

I needed more coffee for this.

The day wore on, I gave in and drank that other coffee, I also gave in to the relentless babbling of the younger children who had stayed home “not kindy day” and went toy shopping getting one toy from each list from an online shop. I ordered express and prayed to never hear another word about toys or who wants what.

As the weeks wore on, I came to buy a lot more toys, and shoes, and books. It became common place and I grew to remember I appreciated the gratitude they showed while receiving another treasured tool for their project or goal or schooling. Today it was an assortment of small plastic dinosaurs for the scene the youngest was setting with the prehistoric re-enactment of defence of the lamp from the cat. It was the lamp we had Storytime near which may have explained the strong need to protect the lamp. I listened to the excited story about the safety of the lamp being secured as they joined the assortment of spoons that had been set to defend the lamp the day before. The story about the spoons had been shorter but considerably more excited. The carefully planned dinosaurs secured the area forming a net around the treasured story time lamp and the babbling went on.

Nothing was routine and I felt rushed but there was a familiarity to the chaotic feelings, and it didn’t seem abnormal, in fact my idea of routine was normal.

The afternoon the dinosaurs move in on their important mission I overheard the eldest, Liam, explaining day light savings to his father. “its to save time” I overheard. “its important to save time to make everything in order.” “that’s the way it should be”

I smiled and drank my afternoon coffee with the dinosaurs under the all-important lamp surrounded by story books Amy was excitedly piling near me after showing the plastic figures who protected us all.

And in that moment, I realised with all that missed time everything was the way it should be.