Why Your Dog Knows Everything

I still do not understand the humans.

“Rex” to you, “Steven” to me, and my friends. You remember the last time I spoke to you about the light and the humans who did not know what to do with their darkness?

Ah, I see. You do remember. I said that there might be some hope for you.

Some hope…

Now, there is another problem that I have to face. 

Here, on these paths created by them for their travels and long-distance labours (they use the word “commuting”, a baffling term), we are now trapped in a metal machine that usually moves us too quickly for me to even focus on the scene. There are many of these “cars” – is that the term? Really? – around us and no one can make any motion. My owner is not taking this very well and seems to be on the verge of running out of the machine and screaming at the other humans who have decided to delay his trip.

But let me first explain how we got here.

After the moment at the hill with my brothers and sisters, the humans no longer seemed to really trust us. Misunderstandings turned to fear; fear turned into violence; violence led to missed friends and more…cats.

Yes, the humans began to turn to those creatures instead of our loyalty and usefulness. Even my human decided to buy a cat after noticing the number of neighbouring humans who were purchasing and sticking them in our territory.

They made a point of trying to get us to work with each other; a grave mistake. You might as well have had squirrels and chipmunks in some sort of accord (another long story you might appreciate some day).

I put up a good show. I allowed it to paw at my beautiful tail (kept well-groomed for a reason, my dear), drink from my water dish (too often, I found fur that was not mine in it; truly a horrible thing for a dog), sleep in my blankets (almost lost it there), and wake me up with its howling and mewling (all that just to be let out of the house; sad and pathetic). The moment that ruined me came with my normal duties guarding the home.

The scent was off. I still claim this for myself. The scent was one I could not understand, even after an age with a…feline. So, I barked and barked, snarled, howled and kept doing so until my human wanted to know why I was growling at the front door. And that little monster…

Needless to say, the human did not trust me as a guard to his property. And so…here we are.

You think that we do not know what you mean when you say, however quietly it may be, that you want to “get us fixed”? Please… We know it better than you could imagine. A great friend once went through that procedure and his barks were never the same. Instead, he was shunned and nearly ostracized by his old group and claimed that he no longer felt like a dog.

And I better reveal why we do stick our heads out the window when you drive. This matters.

When we first entered the moving box – “car,” I mean; such an odd term – I put my head out through the clear space and enjoyed the breeze. We dogs do this because it is the only time where we can truly allow the wind to dance on our faces. We see that birds, insects and even some humans enjoy this, so why you find it odd that we would enjoy it as well seems…so strange. Cats, of course, never know such joy.

I had never known such joy. We seemed to be moving faster and faster than ever before…until there was a sudden stop.

“Stupid, stupid…stupid!”

My human was looking at the other boxes in front of him. He said something about a “Black Friday” and “idiots all trying to grab too much cheap garbage” and some other terms that I did not understand. But I knew his anger (you humans have a unique odor in those moments when your emotions become free). We were stuck.

But there was one thing that made the day bearable…for a while.

I could see small motions with the metal boxes. Some moved forward very slowly; others did not seem to move at all. I stared out and wondered if we would have to live here, when I noticed a familiar face several boxes over.

Greg!

The old greybeard (your terrible name for him did apply)… He was looking quite sad until he saw me, and I thought that I would at least try to communicate with him. My barks were not too loud at first, but as I continued, I noticed that he could tell where they were coming from and he returned the favour.

“Steven?”

“Greg! How are you, old friend?”

“Quite lousy, as it were. You know why I am in this thing?”

The cars began to shift and ours was moving ahead.

“What was that? Please speak louder.”

“YOU KNOW WHAT…?”

I really could not understand everything he said and wondered how much longer this would go on for. My owner was very angry, so I went to the back part to continue with the message.

“SORRY? WHAT…?”

Greg’s box began to move over even further on that lane (his looked like one; not really like a “car” at all). He seemed very desperate to tell me what he knew.

“BE…OUT OF BOX. CAR…JENNY…FIXED…FIXED…NOT FOR ALL OF US. CATS…”

That was all I heard: fragments of his speech. 

And then he was gone.

The traffic around us began to move faster.

I wish I could say that I did not understand the message, but Greg was always clear when he wanted to be. I knew “fixed” meant…well, as I said, we always know. But why did he have to mention Jenny? He knew she was my great love and that I was going to see her when this was all over. Very strange.

And then our car began to move.

I did want to speak to both Greg and Jenny. I also wanted the ride to end, but I wondered about my close friend. There was so much I knew and did not know.

Anyway, I will see you later. My owner would like to see me in another room and I am quite curious about this place. It is so bright and loud with our noises for a change. They understand how we are here.

Be back in a minute.