I'm starting this story with a metaphor about human nature.

Submitted into Contest #102 in response to: Start your story with a metaphor about human nature.... view prompt

5 comments

Funny Inspirational Speculative

A metaphor for human nature...

Hmm.

What is a metaphor.

Hold on. Let me google.

God, years of University has wrecked my brain cells. It's only been one year-ish so far.

'A metaphor is a figure of speech', well I know that. 'in which a word or phrase' this is boring... blah blah okay figurative language.... that's the same thing as figure of speech but I'll let it slide.

I remember in Primary school, my English teacher who was also my Math teacher who was also my Social Studies and Science teacher, said that it's a figure of speech without the word 'as or like' in it cause then it's a simile.

For example: As smelly as a smell that is smelly.

Actually, I didn't get any marks on that, nor my other example which was 'As smart as a shark.'

Look, if you watched Jaws, you can agree that that shark was a smart shark. That shark, whose name was Bruce by the way, would hide under the boat and make jump scares at the fishermen.

He was teasing them.

And the star of the show, Marty- no, Martin... Let me check IMDB real quick.

Oh...

And the star of the show, Brody, dumped Chum (it's a fish puree`) into the ocean saw the head of Bruce appear in the water, tormenting him. Bruce knew exactly what he was doing.

End of Discussion. Sharks are smart.

I wanted to argue but I was an introvert then.

I'm still an introvert now, but I have a platform that nobody really reads so I can type what I want.

So I can say stuff like 'I will fight anyone in the comments who disagrees with me.'

Anyway, back to a metaphor so I can start this story.

I've checked the first page of Google because... I'm lazy.

Now the images.

Ok, a metaphor compares two things.

Something is something else.

I is awesome.

It's true but it doesn't fit.

I found an example:

He is a walking dictionary.

That doesn't make sense. If he were in fact a dictionary, it would be on the news or on Facebook as a meme.

And then an umbrella company would have to make a special umbrella for him to keep his pages dry.

Such a stupid metaphor.

Oh, nevermind, a metaphor compares stuff but it's not really true.

So like when my parents compare me to my sibling, it's not true.

That's great to know that I am the superior sibling, the favourite of the family, the perfect person of the pack.

P-awesome.

But, I still have to come up with a great metaphor, something snazzy and wild. Something that would draw the attention of people so that they would follow me and give me attention.

I hope my followers are worshipping the ground I walk on.

I'm pretty sure they are.

Like I've said a million times, to myself, in the mirror, after I've slapped myself 6 million times to get hyped for the day,

I am the best and everyone should praise me.

I am like Chris Mclean in Total Drama who doesn't put people through horrible tasks and not care.

The spotlight should be on me so long that I'm no longer the supple shade of coffee brown with milk and sugar, but I'll turn into charcoal bits.

I am the Chip Skylark of this Fairly Odd Universe.

My shiny teeth and me are on a quest to find a metaphor that will grant me the fame of any normal Kardashian.

and BOOM!

History will be made.

And only the deafening silence of my awesomeness shall reign supreme...

as soon as I think of a metaphor.

It has to be about human nature.

Which sucks.

Humans have a nature to poison nature.

Pollution didn't come about until humans discovered how to make glass. That's should be the first non-biodegradable thing, I would assume. I'm definitely not a scientist here, I'm just trying to get to 1000 words.

If you're on a desert island, the first things you need are shelter and fire.

So you punch a tree and get wood, set up your little fire pit on the sand. Your little shelter is make of wood, so it'll decompose eventually in a few hundred years.

Point is, it'll decompose.

Underneath your fire pit, I'm sure the flames have toasted the sand quite nicely, now you either have a piece of glass or many pieces of tiny glass.

Flash forward to the future, coal. Now congrats, we're polluting the atmosphere. Global warming just started.

Flash flash forward, money, Trump, pandemic and R.E.M in the background singing 'It's the end of the world as we know it.'

Human Nature is like, ugh, I know I'm not supposed to say like.

Human Nature is... like... if you gave Godzilla a clip board and a little tie, and told her not to destroy the world and become a member of society but then you take away her babies, and she's all 'GRRR.'

and you're all 'AHH!' and then people start firing stuff at her.

That's human nature.

I know it doesn't make much sense... but it does.

In a way.

That's not to say the nature of humans are completely bad.

People are vegans now, everyone is kind of angry at everything.

But that's good in a way. They're fighting for rights and fighting down wrongs.

Hopefully one day, we'll get the death penalty for pedophiles or at least make Chris Hansen come back for another few seasons.

That's a dream of mine.

I still can't believe I have a device that does stuff.

People take technology for granted now.

And that's so cool. It sounds like a bad thing, but this is what everyone wanted years ago.

"When are they making flying cars?" cause you watched one episode of 'The Jetsons'. You can't just get flying cars without seeing all the technology around you advance at the same time.

There's testing, experimenting, having some film student pass through a lab for once in their life and write an awesome movie that sets the bar for another invention.

God is probably watching down and wanting a Samsung phone as well.

And side note: I'm so grateful for this site cause I don't really want to write a whole book every week. Sorry if I don't follow the prompts like a normal person.

Now, I've come to the conclusion that I don't have an awesome metaphor about human nature that would blow you away.

We're in a pandemic-

In which most people spent making memes and taunting the president.

We couldn't do that during the 1300s.

Human nature is creating, overcoming and adapting.

So if you're depressed or something now,

That's human nature, we are not machines.

July 10, 2021 19:19

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5 comments

Karen McDermott
08:56 Jul 17, 2021

"So you punch a tree..." I almost choked on my breakfast reading that. And the Jaws shark being called Bruce. This is not only hilarious, but I learned something too. Thank you!

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Keya J.
12:01 Jul 11, 2021

Now here is an unusual thingy... Yeah maybe it's not related to prompt but on the other hand, it is, and it's awesome. I feel it so damn relatable. Ever heard of Rick Riordan? You got your writing very (very) similar to his. The funny elements, the way you express, everything! It got successful in planting an evergreen smile on the reader's face (at least me). Point to be noted: I read a couple of stories of yours and I am following you.

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13:38 Jul 11, 2021

I haven't heard of Rick Riordan but I'll check him out. And Yes, give me attention! Disclaimer: Stroking my ego may cause nothing good. But Much Appreciated.

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Felice Noelle
17:45 Mar 21, 2022

Consistently Lost: Thanks for reading one of my stories. So, in the interests of reciprocity and good will, I chose one of yours to read. And I loved it, because I too am in love with words. You definitely have a specific POV and a sense of ironic humor. I thoroughly enjoyed this read. Keep writing. Maureen

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22:54 Jul 20, 2021

I hope everyone sees the other Figures of Speech I put in. It's not just Metaphors and Similes.

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