Sea of Discovery

“Claire, please go down below. The winds are picking up,” Matt said, as he pulled the hood of his blue parka over his brown wind-tossed hair. Despite his attempt at a calm tone, there was a measure of forcefulness behind his words and an unmistakable fear in his sea-blue eyes.

“Matt, should I be concerned?” Claire asked as she grabbed a hold of the rocking boat’s handrails to keep herself steady. A wisp of her long blonde hair blew into her face and he fought the urge to tuck it behind her ear.

The earlier soft waves and picturesque sky were now replaced by a fast-darkening sky and choppy waters as if they were guided by his unchecked emotions.

“It should blow over quickly,” Matt said briskly, as he handed her a life vest. “Here, put this on.” As she took the vest from him, he couldn't help but linger on her stoneless ring finger and realized the irony of the sour stone in his stomach she, in turn, had gifted him. How had I missed the clues? The question nagged at him as he replayed the conversation. 

She’d said, “We need to work on some things first, Matt.”

“Are you kidding me?” Matt scoffed as he shoved the black velvet box back into his pocket and stormed up from his knee. “Where is this coming from, Claire? Do you know the great lengths I went through to give you this fantasy proposal? I mean, I even bought a yacht, for fuck's sake!”

“Matt, I know you're upset, but this is your fantasy proposal, not mine,” she said as she fidgeted with her hair. “I’ve told you how much the ocean scares me.”

“What? When have you ever told me that?”

“See, that right there is the problem,” she said, avoiding his gaze. “You never listen to me.”

Matt scoffed, “Sounds made up. I’m pretty sure I would have remembered that.”

“Forget I said anything. I don’t want to argue with you,” Claire replied as she shook her head.

“It's forgotten,” he shrugged, “So now what? Where do we go from here?”

“I’m not saying no to marriage, Matt. I’m just saying not right now,” Claire had said.

But when? They’d lived together for 3 years, and he was certain she would say yes, so why was the ring weighing so heavily in his pocket like an anchor weighing down his sensibilities? Claire followed his gaze and hurriedly put her hand away and out of sight as she put on her vest. “Matt, can we please talk?”

His eyes narrowed, “Now isn't a good time, Claire. Just go down below as I told you. I’ll let you know when we’re in the clear.”

Just then lightning illuminated the sky, followed by a deafening rumble that filled him with fear and remorse for having sailed out with no real experience on stormy waters. Damn weathermen never get it right! he grumbled to himself as he tried his best to ready the boat. Seconds later sheets of rain pummeled down, soaking them in an instant. Before Claire had time to go down below, a bolt of lightning struck the yacht, blowing a hole in the hull. The now giant and ruthless waves lapped onto the sides of the boat. As it teetered wildly, Claire lost grip of the railing she had clung to so tightly. "Claire!" He lunged towards her, but the slippery deck caused him to falter and all he could do was watch as she plunged into the dark tumultuous waters where the angry and embittered currents dragged her away and out of sight.   

  ***

The storm vanished as quickly as it had appeared, leaving the sea tranquil once again. Had he imagined it? No, of course not. How could he imagine the sheer look of terror etched on Claire’s face? The image jolted him back to reality. Matt groaned as he tried to get up, but the unexpected shifting sand and shadowy darkness disoriented him and caused him to stumble onto his knees. “Claire!!!” He screamed with every ounce of him as he went in search of her down the now-darkened briny coastline. Not a soul in either direction. His prized white boat, the only vessel in the distance, lay in shatters, a taunting reminder of what had transpired earlier. “Claire!” He collapsed, exhausted, hopeless, and anguished, by the water’s edge.

“You are a fool to believe you truly deserved her.”

Startled, Matt jumped in search of the voice. “Hello?! Who said that?!” He saw no one but a single moonlit wave that folded over and disappeared into the waters. Drunk on grief and salt water, Matt was sure he was in a state of delirium. “Claire!” He cried out in anguish.

“Silence! Claire belongs to me now!”

The mysterious voice thundered at him and before he had time to react, a large, voracious wave rolled out and crashed onto Matt in anger, pulling him into the sea. He tumbled helplessly, swallowing salt water and sand, and after a short time, the sea spewed his body back onto the shore after it had had enough. Matt lay coughing and sputtering by the water’s edge, his cheek pressed against the cool, wet sand.

“Are you prepared to listen?” asked the Sea.

“Y-Yes,” he answered, paralyzed by intense fear and questioning his sanity.

“Excellent! Now sit up and take heed!”

Matt forced his fatigued body into a sitting position and pulled his parka close around him. He watched transfixed as the ocean gathered itself up before him and took the form of a woman.

“That's my Claire!” Matt shouted, incredulously. Although Claire looked exquisite in her cocktail dress, it was the single teardrop in the corner of her eye that caught Matt’s attention.

Matt’s countenance fell, “I remember that day,” his voice hoarse from the salt water and the emotional lump in his throat. “We were supposed to go together to her office party.”

“But you did not!” thundered the Sea.

The moon and stars seemed especially large as they loomed and hovered over the surface of the waters as if in conspired judgment.

“I got caught up at work!” he trailed off, thinking about that evening. It was after 11 when he arrived home, and he found her dressed still, fast asleep on the couch, with their favorite show playing on the television. “Why are you showing me this?" Matt bent forward and sobbed into his hands. “Don't you think I’ve suffered enough? She’s gone, and I’ll never see her again!!”

“And who is at fault for her misfortune?”

Before Matt could offer a reply, the waters reformed, and another embodiment of Claire materialized before him. Matt instantly recalled the conversation they had that day in the kitchen.

“I made your favorite today,” Claire had said as Matt walked in through the door.

“Cool. I’ll be right out.”

While Matt changed out of his work clothes, Claire lit the candles on the table and poured wine into their glasses. Moments later, Matt strolled out, dressed casually. “Sorry Claire, but I forgot I made plans with the boys.” He kissed her forehead and squeezed her ass. “Wrap it up for me and I’ll take it to work tomorrow,” he said as he made his way to the door. “Oh, and don’t wait up. You know, my friends and I lose track of time when we’re together.”

The Sea proceeded to show him many instances where Matt chose work or friends over Claire.

“I hadn’t realized it was that many times,” Matt said, quietly, as he wiped at his eyes and nose. Once again, the Sea gathered itself and this time it was Claire lost out at sea, holding on to a piece of the torn ship.

“Oh my God!” Matt jumped to his feet, “She’s out there! We have to save her!”

“Yes, I hold Claire now, even as we speak. But I have yet to resolve what is best for her. Tell me, Matt. What do you propose I do with her?”

“Please save her!” Matt pleaded.

The Sea paused as if in thought, “I will ponder your request with the following stipulation.

“What’s that?”

“You must relinquish all ties with her.”

"What? No way! I love her and can’t imagine life without her!”

The Sea raged and slapped him with a wave, “You self-centered swine! You have no idea what love is! She is better off without you! I believe I will indeed keep her after all.”

“No! Please!” Matt said in between coughs and gulps of air. “I’ll let her go! Just save her and I will disappear.”

“I do believe that is the most selfless thing you’ve said in your entire egocentric life.”

“I don’t deserve her.” Matt paused to wipe his red swollen eyes, “I never have. I see that now. Please, just help her before it's too late!”

“Very well then. So be it,” said the Sea.

The Sea instantly dispersed and moments later, a massive rolling wave carried Claire safely onto the shore.

                                                   ***

As the days stretched into eternity, Matt withered away into nothingness. At times, it felt as though it was all a dream. A figment of his creative imagination. But at night, in bed, the unwashed pillow that still held Claire’s blonde hair strands condemned him and he knew he was lying to himself. Of course, no one believed him. Not his family, not his friends, and especially not Claire, on the beach that night.

He remembered it all, so brightly, too vividly. How the stars shone like tiny diamonds against the blackness of the night. The waves lapping against the shore. “You expect me to believe that the sea told you to break up with me? Your ego couldn't handle me saying no to you, so you make up this ridiculous story and expect me to believe that nonsense?” He had never seen this side of her. The fire in her eyes still haunted him. “You've hurt me for the last time, Matt!”

Matt felt a sadness like he had never experienced before as he watched her walk away. Like the leaves on a tree that fall away and never return once their purpose is fulfilled. He had been so sure of his purpose in life; a prestigious job, money, flashy cars, a luxurious lifestyle. But now, none of those things mattered anymore. It had been exactly one year ago to the day. Matt had not returned to the sea since, mostly out of fear, but he felt drawn to go and so he did. His stomach was queasy as he made the trek from his newly used car. As he approached the sea, the familiar briny-scented breeze sent shivers down his spine. As before, he saw no one up and down the seaweed-littered coastline. His only companions, the crescent smiley moon and the twinkling stars welcomed him and put him at ease as he stood by the water's edge.

“You tarried long in your visitation,” a wave carried the Sea’s familiar voice, and this time Matt nodded in acknowledgment.

“I shouldn’t be talking to you. Everyone already thinks I've gone crazy.”

“Only foolish men place much emphasis on what others presume about them.”

Matt bent and grabbed a fistful of sand and watched as it slowly escaped through the cracks of his fingers. “I agree with that. But I still care deeply about what Claire thinks about me.”

“You've done well keeping your end of the bargain.”

“Yes, well, I had no choice. She wanted nothing to do with me. No one did. Could you believe they locked me up in a psych ward?” Matt asked incredulously. “Although I lost everything I worked so hard for, it is only Claire that I miss the most. It's funny how being locked up with nothing to do puts life into perspective.”

“Indeed, your journey has been long, however, your transformation serves you well. You have my blessing to pursue Claire if you so wish.”

“Thanks, but she wouldn’t take me back, even if I tried,” he said, gently tamping down the sand with his foot. “She was the love of my life and I fucked it all up.” He sighed and stood gazing out at the expanse of the sea, his eyes distant.

“You’re right, you did fuck it up,” Claire’s voice echoed from behind.

“C-Claire?!” Matt jerked around to face her in disbelief. “W-What are you doing here?” He asked as he tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. The wind blew against her dress as she stood there, shoes in hand, her slender curves accentuated by the breeze. She was breathtaking, he thought to himself.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again Claire,” the Sea said, as a small wave lapped onto the sand to gently caress her feet. Claire smiled mischievously, her eyes sparkling in the moonlight as she took in Matt’s astonished expression.

“Wait, what? You told me you didn’t believe me! You made me think I was crazy!”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you, Matt!” Claire’s eyes held Matt’s gaze, “The Sea explained everything to me last night.”

“Claire is correct,” acknowledged the Sea, “You should know I issued her an ultimatum.”

“Really? What ultimatum?” Matt asked.

Claire dropped her shoes on the sand as she stepped closer, "I had to make a choice -- to forgive you or lose you forever."

“What?” Matt asked, his confusion written all over his face.

"The Sea warned me it would drag you away forever if I didn't show up today!” Claire explained. “I couldn’t let that happen.”

Matt’s emotions overwhelmed him when he realized the gravity of the situation. His eyes welled up, as he dropped to his knees, “Are you saying you forgive me? Because Claire, I really am sorry. I realize I was such a fool for taking you for granted. I lost the only person who ever loved me. I’m so miserable without you and…”

Claire closed the distance between them and drew his head to her chest. “Shhh, it’s ok, Matt. I forgive you. I’ve missed you too.”

Matt sobbed and trembled against her. She held him tightly until he felt the warmth of her embrace and the strength of her courage and love. The Sea’s waves now calm, serene, and silent.