Despair

She couldn’t take the torment she felt everyday living. The loneliness, it started to take a toll on her. She had no family; she could converse with about the persecution she was facing. She thought that bullying wouldn’t happen at college but here she was during her last year in college experiencing it. She lost all her so-called friends, her own boyfriend didn’t believe her and left her. She couldn’t believe that even though everyone saw the video, she was being blamed. Didn’t they see she was unconscious? This wasn’t her fault. She started to regret reporting him, but she couldn’t stomach the fact that her best friend James could do such a thing. As heading to class, she was called a slut throughout her way there. She couldn’t take any more of the torment, she thought while in her Chemistry class. I’m going to end things for sure she thought to herself. After the class, she headed to her car and saw that “SLUT” was written on her back window in large red letters and that’s when she broke down and cried. Why was this her fault, was it because he was the quarterback for the college team? She thought that she would have some support after all her roommate went through the same thing and she supported her throughout it all. She decided to head to the pharmacy and was going to load up on all the over the counter meds she could. This would be the last day she would have to deal with torment. After purchasing her elixirs, she headed to her dorm room blasting her music the full way through. The strums of the guitar always helped her through bad times. She got back to the campus and turned off her car and sat there for a bit. She worried who would find her? Was this the right solution to her pain? She started to cry and scream. Why me she thought as she headed to her dorm room.  

She opened up the dorm room and saw that both her roommate and James were in her room, whispering. Without a second thought, she went back to her car. She sat in silence for what seems like ages. Lost in her thoughts, the feeling of betrayal, anger, and disgust. She screamed “Fuck It” and she started to rip open the pills and cough syrup and took them in handfuls. After she was finished, she looked at herself in the mirror and said at least everyone wins, with a tear coming down her face. Mind as well go out with a bang she said while listening to her favorite tunes on the radio and slowly felt the elixirs take control of her body until she couldn’t feel anymore. While sitting there she kept thinking that maybe this isn’t the right way to go about things. Why should she end her life just because some jerk took advantage of her? All the things she did for him, the tutoring she gave him so he could make the team. The actual assignments she did for him so he could keep his scholarship. This wasn’t fair to her she kept thinking. How she was losing everything and him nothing. She couldn’t believe her own boyfriend, would leave her. He was at the party as well why didn’t he protect her, he left her all on her. What type of boyfriend was that? Concerned more about his popularity instead of staying with her. This is the guy she considered maybe marrying once done with her studies. She felt herself getting heavier with all the thoughts she was thinking until she couldn’t feel anymore. I’m not giving up was the last thought she remembered.  

James was sitting on the edge of the chair looking at her roommate and couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He was actually reliving that night it all took place at the frat house. He always had a crush on her, she was so insanely smart. He could have any girl he wanted but he just wanted her and she was in a relationship, he played football with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend didn’t know how lucky he was to have her he always thought to himself after the study sessions they did every Thursday. He remembered giving her the drink that would cause her to blackout, he planned this perfectly and he was going to record it so he wouldn’t forget any detail. He told his boys to distract her boyfriend while he led her upstairs to the empty room and locked the door behind him. She was so out of it, he noticed. “Where’s everyone and the party”, she asked. He looked at her and responded with “we are the party and reached down to kiss her”. She responded with connecting her right fist to his face and he was in awe. She started screaming. I’m not going to lose everything for you! She started to pound on his chest and scream about how she would be a leper on his behalf. How could you do this to me, when all I do is help you? she asked. I’m going to lose everything she kept saying while punching him continuously. What’s a leper, and why is she saying that she’s going to lose everything? James thought to himself. Come she said, grabbing his hand confused but following the order. She unlocked the door and went downstairs and saw the crowd calling her a slut and whore throwing cups at her and he was so confused. He tried to say stop but no one would hear him. They headed out the door and started to walk down the sidewalk to the main campus when he asked “What’s going on, why are we walking?”, she didn’t respond and she kept walking. He could hear the snide comments, constant chants of “Slut” and “Whore” as they walked past the crowd. She wasn’t a slut at all, James thought to himself. Why is everyone calling her this? “Can you please stop walking”, James called out to her. She screamed no, “I can’t stop, no one believes me you did this to me”. “You ruined my life”, she squealed out in pain. James was so utterly confused. They finally approach her car where “Slut” was written all in red all over her car. James was flabbergasted. She isn’t a slut, he thought to himself. He started to remember the candid conversations they had during her study sessions. How she was waiting for her wedding day to lose her virginity. He never told her that was when he fell in love with her. He never met a girl in this day that still held to those old type of values. He didn’t want to wait any longer he wanted to her he loved her. I love you, James called out to her. Tell that to her, she said pointing to the car. Okay, but why you’re right here, James responded. He walked up to the window and saw her unconscious in the driver seat he tried to pull the door handle to open the door but it wouldn’t open. Help! James screamed. He was determined to save her.  

Why are you screaming Help, the roommate asked? Wait what, James asked confused. He was still sitting in the chair. “Why are you screaming for help”, the roommate asked looking confused. “Have I moved from this chair”, James asked looking all around him confused. No, you haven’t moved since you saw her come into the room, to grab water. I know that might have triggered you, are you okay, the roommate responded. I’m fine, James responded. Where did she go, do you know? he asked. No, she came and left in a rush looked a mess if I do say so myself, the roommate responded. Okay, I have to go said James and he walked out of the room. He couldn’t believe what he saw, and he never thought about it from her perspective. He just wanted to apologize, tell her the way he felt all along. He decided to call her but it went straight voicemail. I can’t blame her; I would block my number to. It started to rain, as he was walking to his dorm room. He walked a few more steps and noticed her car, parked blasting that the song she put him on to. Great, he thought I could tell her in person. He walked to the car and realized that the doors were locked and she was unconscious in the car. He banged on the window to get her attention but nothing worked. He screamed out Help, as the bystanders rushed to his aide. He decided to break the window and unlock the door. He grabbed her and started to do chest compressions and he started to cry. I’m so sorry, James kept saying while doing CPR. The medics came to relieve him and to bring her to the hospital.  

She woke up in the hospital confused and in pain. How did she get there, she thought to herself? She sat up and saw the letter from James.  

“I’m sorry, I love you and will fix this for you”. As soon as she was done reading the letter, she looked up to her roommate and a few other friends bringing her flowers and apologizing for abandoning her when she needed them the most. Grateful, but confused. She said thank you and closed her eyes, asking if this as all a dream. The nurse came in and squeezed her hand and confirmed that she was indeed alive and she didn’t give up just yet.