With great fun comes … something.

So, yeah, let me tell you a little something about myself. The wife and I just moved here after we exsanguinated the previous neighbourhood. Haha, NO! I’m just kidding. We take care of our lovestock. That’s what we call them, our ‘lovestock’. Cuz’ we love’m, you know, our neighbours, I mean. So, yeah. Here we are … the hood seemed kinda dead when we first arrived, but maybe that was just a matter of timing. We love the dark, so we came in the middle of the night, you see. There was no one roamin’ the streets, not a snack, I mean, soul in sight, or so we thought. Cuz’ after a number of hours, just when we were about to turn in for the day, the doorbell rang. That damn noise made me drink my own blood …, no, seriously, I bit my lip and had a taste of my own blood. Too bad I can never get used to the taste of it, I mean, I love blood. Blood is my life, you know. But my own? No. Thank. You. So, I was kinda already pissed when I strutted towards the door to open it. I swear to Nosferatu, I can still hear my spouse, her name is Jen, by the way, yelling: “Who is that, at this hour!?” How the bloody fang should I know! Right? “Sweetheart, my peachy blood fountain, have ya heard me open the door?” I asked. “Have ya seen the burning holiness of the flamin’ ring of fire fill the room with all that I loathe?” I asked nicely. “No, I don’t think so. But who is at the door?” She asked stupidly. I tried to remain calm, as I have for the past twelve hundred years or so. I made the wise decision of just ignoring her and made my way to the door. We always lock the door from the inside during the day, bad experiences in the past have taught us some lessons, you know, as can be expected. But anyway, I opened the door, just enough to catch a glimpse of our untimely visitor. “Good evening,” I said as I tried to give my most gloomy look. I felt the early rays of the sun caress my face, yuck! I hate sunlight, I loathe it, despise it! Unlike favourable tales might have told you, we do not burn in the sun. We just don’t like it, like most humans don’t like meecrob. A startled face stared back at me. “Well, I must say welcome to the neighbourhood, and also, it is not evening yet. It’s actually not even noon yet,” the face spoke. If you know it’s not even noon yet, then what in the name of fang’s blood are you knocking at our door for!? But, of course, as I am as cool as a cucumber, I kept my demeanour and faked a friendly smile. “Forgive me my overbearing ignorance, my lady. The night has been long, and I am in dire need of rest. So, might I ask what it is that brings you to our doorstep at this ungodly hour?” I said. I tried to sound distinguished to not raise suspicion. I don’t think it worked, though. Her face turned firm and grim. “Well sir, at this ungodly hour, as you say, many people are already about. In fact, it is quite uncommon to be off to bed at this hour,” she said with a stern face. For a second there, I felt she was mocking me. Thoughts of me feasting on her blood flashed before my eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mock you or anything. You see, us people in this neighbourhood like to welcome all new-commers. Well … You are, in fact, the first new people we’ve had here in a while. So, as soon as I saw your car on the driveway, I figured: we got new neighbours!” she went on explaining. The more she spoke, the harder it was for me to get the image of me eviscerating her out of my head. “Breath in, breath out. You are in control,” I thought to myself. “So, where ya’ll from?” She asked. “Boston,” I replied with more malicious intent then intended. She took a step back. “But don’t worry,” I said with a closed smile, “we are the friendly kind.” “Well, anyway, welcome to the neighbourhood. If you need anything, don’t hesitate!” She said as she turned away and started walking. “Don’t hesitate to bite,” I thought. It’s probably not what she meant, but it is what I thought. I think I scared her a bit, but that’s good. That’s how I like it. Now, at least, she will stay away. Or so I hope. “Have you finally got a clue about who was at the door at this unsavoury hour?” I heard coming from the landing as I slowly moved upstairs. “Next week’s dinner!” I replied.

Hello, my darlings. I am Jen, I’m sure my husband has mentioned me, even if it was quite a negligible account for such a wonderous creature like me. And because I deserve more of a voice than I had been given in this introductory narrative, here I am. My name, common as it may sound is in truth my real name. Not my birth name, mind you. That would be quite impossible. You see, I am much older than my husband. How old you ask? Well, let us just say that a lady never divulges such critical information. But I would like to attend the matter of my husband, whose name is Ziggy, having mentioned an oddly stupid question that may have come from my mouth. Under normal circumstances, I would not think twice of the matter, yet, here I feel this needs to be addressed. Perhaps it is because I care about how I am viewed. Nevertheless, the fact of the matter was that I was blood-drunk on infant blood. Most of our kind dare not touch an infant for fear of killing it accidentally. Which, I understand, of course. Now, I am quite skilled at drinking from an infant, it is something only the eldest among us can do. It is also the only thing that can intoxicate us. But worry not, the infant in question always lives. You see, it us, as the eldest of our kind that are the strongest. This gives our blood the power to heal. We use a simple drop of blood to heal the infant and save it from death. No younger vampires can do this. Let’s just say that it takes experience. So, back to where we were. When my husband met our lovely neighbour, miss Hadley, for the first time, I was on quite a binge. I guess you would say “drunk off my ass.” But let us return to our quaint little neighbourhood. You see, it has been two weeks since we first moved here and we absolutely love it. Miss Hadley admitted to me, a day after her first encounter with Ziggy, that he had, in fact, frightened her a bit, but she thought nothing of it anymore, after she and I had a nice chat. She is a lovely creature, little does she know that I have been feeding on her for the past two weeks. I do it when she sleeps. Tonight, however, is a special night for us. You see, tonight it is Halloween. It is special because it is the only night we can mingle as ourselves. And by mingle, I don’t mean socialise. I mean sniff out a fresh meal or two. Sniffing humans up close is like a wine tasting for us: you get to sample the goods before you buy. The other beautiful thing about Halloween is that we don’t have to wear disguises. Humans dress up, we dress down. We can be ourselves, wear our own clothes and not stand out. We can, and will, act like real vampires and get close to our future meals without raising any suspicion whatsoever. Right now, there are only a few more hours to go before the children start their trick or treating. Ziggy is still sound asleep, but I am so excited that I woke up an hour ago. I swear to Fang the Great, I can almost taste them!

“Sweetie, my blood sucking beauty of a vampire, are you almost ready? There are already some sweet, sweet children walking the streets in their cute little outfits. Some of them are even dressed up as us! Can you imagine, it’s almost like last year!” Ziggy asked his beautiful wife as he strutted around in front of the living room window. You could hear the excitement in his voice as he fogged up the glass with his longing breath. You see, Ziggy and Jen may seem like a nice and friendly couple, and believe me, they are. But they are also vampires. They can not be trusted with children when they are hungry. Luckily, Jen has mastered her taste for blood. But Ziggy, Ziggy is a relatively young vampire, barely fifteen hundred years old. Now Jen will not like me mentioning this, but she is at least ten times Ziggy’s elder. She is one of the oldest vampires still alive. Although there is also Sterling, a vampire who looks like an eighteen year old rebel teen. He is in fact the oldest know vampire in the United States since he moved here from Europe, around two hundred years BCE. But that is a story for another time. For now, let us get back to Ziggy, who, almost mesmerised by what he sees, starts to drool a bit. “Yes dear, how could I ever forget last year? It is the reason we moved away from Boston, remember?” She replied as she walked down the stairs. She had been putting on some special make-up for the occasion, just to bring out her most frightening features. “I guess I do not have to ask you if you are ready to have some fun with the locals?” She asked her husband as she playfully danced with him. Like two snakes, ready to mate. Their thirst was almost palpable, their eyes wide open, pupils dilated. “I am as ready as you are, my dear, I am as ready as you are…” Ziggy replied. As they walked towards the door they could smell the sweet smell of the people they had grown to like and know quite well. The only difference was that they were now all together, on the street, out in the open, in the dark. Ziggy and Jen stepped out of their house, determined to have fun, determined to sniff out fresh blood and have fun. “Taste the wine, don’t drink it, not yet,” Jen told Ziggy. “I will, don’t worry ma dear, don’t worry a bit,” he replied as they started an almost magical dance among the people, sniffing an throwing up hair as they passed the young ones. Not one of them knew what they were. Everybody just saw that friendly couple who had just moved there a couple of weeks ago. They seemed so happy as they danced among the locals, and happy they were, until the hunger took over.

Suburbia Daily

Breaking news! Entire neighbourhood slaughtered.

Yesterday evening, during the Halloween festivities, an entire neighbourhood was slaughtered. The horrific events took place in an outer neighbourhood of Suburbia. Officials say there were no survivors when local police first arrived on the scene, alerted by a paper boy from a near-by neighbourhood. The boy is still in shock and has not been able to speak. It is said the boy called the authorities and simply screamed. Estimates of the number of victims run in the hundreds. It seems no one was spared, men, women and children have all fallen prey to some kind of animal attack. Although the true nature of the event is yet unknow, it does show a resemblance with the Boston massacre that took place exactly a year before.