Some slab

“Gloss, Gloss, Gloss!’ “Wake up! It’s your turn.”

“I hope she had a nightmare, again like last week.” Nepo snickered. 

“I whispered the munchkins song in her ear last night, I think we are going to be set today”, Beetle said in the loudest whisper. 

“I heard you assholes, and I was awake Beetle. Your stinky breath was the only scary thing.”

Damn, this was only going to be a stopover for a couple days, but now i'm part of this fucked up culty ass family. Waking up every morning, I can't even tell anymore what time of day it is with all the windows blacked out. Living in a cave with 3 other stinky ass men. 

Light headed I grab the three towels that used to be a soft pink, but are now a gross dehydrated pee color, and throw them into a little bucket. Lightly blacking out down the hallway stumbling till I feel like I'm going to pass out. I squat down and wait for my eyes to become unblind. A little bit further than yesterday. Oh god, these are my accomplishments. I roll my eyes, a little laugh sneaks out. 

Alright, over to the Quenter. 

Fix, Nepo, and Beetle gather around me as I put my towels one by one into the citrus juicer. It makes the noise of a gater, racoon and guinea pig all trying to sing in harmony, but very out of tune. I swear this noise can cause vertigo and chronic migraines. The water, aka my sweat from the night, filters into a two liter soda bottle that has a red triangle in the middle of it. Somehow it cleans my sweat into not so gross, mildly drinkable water. We use that water for showering and cleaning dishes.  

Fix has told me the process a couple times. He is the type of person who loves, and I mean loves to talk in grandiose details about his creations. It would take him an hour to explain the first phase of the process. 

“3.40 oz damn gina you sweating like a real pig.” Nepo says laughing. ‘Oink! Oink! Oink!” Nepo, and Beetle sing together.

For some reason, they think damn gina is the funniest thing to say to a woman. It was cute the first time, but it's like clockwork now. I've been out here for two weeks, three weeks honestly I have lost all sense of time.

I walk back up the hallway into the kitchen and brew up instant coffee for everyone and make peanut butter in hard taco shells. I quickly nestled into being the mother of the house. They say they only like me for my sweat, but I know I've brightened up their lifestyle, and added a fresher sent to the house, shack, whatever this place really is. 

The morning shower system is very important, 3 minutes is allowed. First in is Fix, then Nepo. Beetle is an absolute crazy person and takes showers every other day to add up his minutes. His theory is that you must really enjoy your showers; it is a self baptism. Lastly, I get to shower. It really is the most refreshing thing to do all day. I shower with my clothes on, so I can stay cool for 20 minutes longer. They all caught onto that idea, so we all walk around wet in the morning.

I bring my wet self to the couch and throw on the only dvd we have, 50 First Dates. I've read way too into it. This movie isn't a rom/com with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore anymore, it's a full on greek tragedy. I've cried, laughed, reenacted scenes, had deep discussions of the science behind short term memory loss. Weirdly enough I still look forward to watching it everyday. The guys know not to bother me when I'm watching my movie, so it doubles as peace of mind. 

“Gloss! Gloss!”, yelled Fix from the front door.

“Dude! What in the actual fuck!” I'm pissed. “You know not to bother me now” Damn it, now I have to rewind. 

“There is some guy that says your car is his?” 

My heart sinks, plumits, nose dives. 

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

How is this happening? WAIT, is he going to let him in? Oh god, oh god. 

“Gloss! Gloss!”

Oh god, Mary of souls don't let him. I run full speed and pause the tv. All I can hear is my heart hammering. Did he hear me yelling back at Fix? Is he in the house?  

I clip my head around the wall in full sweat to see if he is in the house. I wish I had my towels now.

Fix is walking down the hall without a person following him. Thank god and all his buddies that Fix is a paranoid person. He enters the living room, in the most calm I dont care voice says “Who is that dude?” 

My whole body is visible shaking. “Ummm ummm, does he look mad?” 

“He looks pretty bad, bruised and scratched up, but not dehydrated which is surprising cos looks like he got here on foot.”

“Ookay, but is he mad?”

“Dams gina, who is this guy?”

“Okay, fine, umm” I bite my lip “That's my ex, I might have thrown him out of the car 30 miles back a couple weeks ago.” I squeeze my eyes closed waiting for a reaction.

“Then you stole his car, that's badass, I wouldn’t expect that from you Gloss.”

I giggle a little bit. Okay I feel better, these guys have my back. 

“Will you guys come with me so I can talk to him” 

“Okay Nepo , Beetle come out, Gloss’s boyfriend is outside”

“She has a what” Nepo squealed 

“Damn, I was going to hit that” Beetle, murmured under his breath

I feel like a mafia woman as we all walk down the hallway to the front door. I'm still shaking as I push open the front door. 

“Hi Zack” I say in the most loving voice possible. 

“Tina what the fuck!”

“Tina?” Nepo squaked 

“Tina?” Beetle repeated and looked at Nepo 

He is already completely drenched in sweat from waiting in the shade for 4 minutes. It makes it harder to take him seriously like that, a small win for me. 

“Wanna come in baby” in that same loving voice.

“Yeah, i'm sweating my ass off here ” 

We all walk inside to the living room where 50 First dates is paused on the tv. I don't even get the chance to sit down before he starts going off. 

“Tina, you have some fucking issues, you hurled me out of my OWN car going 50 down the road because, Megan texted you that I liked Bianca’s photo. Thank god it was a dusty dirt road or I could have died.”

I go into instant defence mode, “A. stop being a baby you wouldn't have died, I slowed down the car to 25 to throw you out. B. you shouldn't be liking your ex’s pictures.”

“Oh shit” Beetle exclaimed. 

“Well what are you even doing here, how did you even find me?”

“I came here to find my car, don't flatter yourself. Your friends did say they would pay me if I find you too. So unfortunately I'm bring your ass back.”

“I'm not going back, I have a new place now, a new life, a new family! Right guys!”

“Nah, you can take her, she sweats but it isn't enough to deal with her drama. She just cries to 50 First Dates and bitches.” Fix said, calmly as if I wasn’t a part of the family.

“WHAT! No I don’t, what about everything i’ve done for you guys, peanut butter tacos, you guys love that.”

“Peanut butter taco” Zack laughs under his breath 

“What about clothes in the shower, you guys do that now, I created that” 

“Thanks Gloss, it was a fun.”

I can't believe it, the grosses, most foul guys, are dumping me. I can't believe it, I just can’t. I've hit a low. A real deep deep low. Okay then, i'm going to pick myself up and leave like a lady and unlike these filthy animals. 

I stand up, walk over to the tv, eject the dvd, slip it in my bra. A light little skip to the pantry and crumble up a couple of the taco shells, another light little skip out the front door, say a quick farwell and sit in the car. 

We drive off and I don't even look back. 

“Get me out of this hell hole.”

“Jesus Tina, you were scary out there. Stomping into the pantry and crushing up all their tacos, spitting into the peanut butter, and what was that whole thing about you running outside in circles and telling them to look at all your sweat, you're the best sweaty girl they'll ever have and they'll wake up every morning craving your sweat. That shit was plain weird.”

“Shut the fuck up Zack.”

“We definitely need to get you back to the city.”