Matatu Express

“Matatu, mtatu, mtatu! Join the Matatu Express for the special tour of the most vibrant city in East Africa!”

Jinja, who arrived first, is in the front passenger seat snapping photos onto her insta post as the public minibus-turned tour van circles the junction outside one of Nairobi’s biggest supermarkets, looking for idling travellers or confused wannabe customers who have signed up online but cannot work out where the moving target for embarkation is located in the 3D dust-infused urban mayhem.

Finally, the 14-seater matatu minibus parks in a sun-streaked spot by a gateway between the supermarket and the bus touts. Shomari, the tour guide, hands a small Nokia to the driver to deal with an urgent logistics matter and simultaneously dials another number on a large red smartphone, after which he jumps out of the vehicle and runs to the other side of the car park. He comes back with a lost-looking assortment of strangers whom he shoves through the small side door and tells them to “wait here”.

“Ciao, my name is Antonio, I am from Italy, what are your names?” asks the olive-tanned mid-50s man to the group of Asian-looking youngsters, as he settles into a single seat behind the open door. The one with thick-set eyebrows responds. “I am Guan, we are from Beijing. These are my friends Wei and Xin, and my sister Mei. We come with a tour group but today we travel separate to visit the city ourselves” he explains. Antonio smiles encouragingly and he and Guan dabble in conversation. Guan quizzes Antonio about the nifty R5 around his neck, the camera he almost purchased himself before the trip, but which he forsook for the EOS R10 which his cousin lent him, on the promise that Guan would scout out opportunities for the LV handbag import/export business. Antonio tells him about the article he is pitching about wildlife-culture interactions in East Africa with a focus on animal-based artefacts, from fish-leather belts to buffalo horn dog chewies and the recent obsession with zebra-inspired social media memes.

Shomari comes back with another trail of multi-hued tourists who are all drawn from a similar archetype, with sports packs and matching water bottle, hiking sandals and dusty caps. The tall blond man in the front has to stoop half his body over to fit through the doorway and they eventually all accommodate themselves to the hard seats, lack of neck rests and limited leg room. Antonio notices the blond man’s discomfort as his long legs stick out sideways on the two-seater chairs across from him. He graciously offers to swap, so the tall man and the less-tall lady both climb back out of the matatu, Antonio rustles over to the window seat across from him, the lady takes the aisle seat and the tall man spreads his legs out in front of the doorway. This leads to cordial introductions all around: John and Alice, from Wales, on the last day of their honeymoon; Deepti and Pushpa, business exchange students from India; and Jinja, from the western city of Eldoret who cranes her neck round from the front to perfunctorily introduce herself as “Jinja, the adventure ninja with a difference, I organise tailored sports holidays in the Kenya highlands. I’m joining today to discover more of Nairobi”.

Shomari steps in and sits next to her in the front row as the vehicle manoeuvres out of the car park: “Welcome aboard, intrepid travellers! Thank you for signing up to Matatu Express, Nairobi’s number one authentic tourism experience. Today we will visit the historic market street of the Central Business District, collect souvenirs at the famous Maasai market, learn the tricks of Nairobi driving, and come head-to-head with giraffes. We start at Biashara street, the textile centre of the city. Here you can find any colour, any design you want. You have thirty minutes to buy as many cloths as you can to make skirts, beach dresses or even cushion covers”.

The passengers spread out across both sides of the bustling commercial street, trying not to trip over sunglass-wielding street vendors and phone charger merchants. Half an hour later, with bright blue and red bags dangling from their fingertips full of creased linen and geometric ethnic prints, they gather back together by the street corner. Shomari leads them to a tea shop where they sit on slim wooden benches under a canvas roof and sip on thickly sweet cow-rich milk tea. Whilst Alice and John soak up the city’s exuberance, Deepti and Pushpa hotly debate the virtues of Kenyan tea compared to their home-brewed chai. Jinja interviews Guan, Wei, Xin and Mei about their travel preferences and whether they would consider an urban-hiking combo tour as part of their visit.

Back in the vehicle, Shomari tells them to strap themselves in tight because they are going to experience road-rage Kenyan style. “If you ever got scared on a roller coaster, you haven’t seen nothing yet”. Pushing its way past street markets and four-lane roundabouts, the matatu arrives onto the famous Ngong road. Abedi, the driver, pulls his sleeves up, turns the music on high, and presses on the pedal. There are matatus on both sides of them, motorbikes overtaking from the left and right, high speed zones followed by sudden speed bumps and the occasional traffic lights. The gang leans back in the seats wide-eyed whilst Jinja laughs and Antonio tries to capture the towering metallic sculptures of elephants, giraffes and wildebeest that line the road.

After a hair-raising ride, Shomari invites them out of the bus. Antonio notices the Ministry of Health symbol on the side of the van with a large, black and white spray-painted image of a woman wearing a face mask, with the words “Your safety is our priority” strewn across the side. The irony of reading the motto after the recent drive makes him smile. Shomari explains that matatus were subsidised to promote public health messages during the Covid-19 pandemic, and that the post-pandemic tourist boon convinced him and an investor friend to launch the Matatu Express. “And Bob Marley?” enquires Antonio, pointing at the larger-than-life cartoon-like caricature on the back of the bus. “Ah, matatus are known for their unique artwork. This one is sponsored by a famous graffiti artist. It keeps the cars behind us alert” he says with a cheeky grin.

Shomari walks the group over to the gate for some giraffe petting. Here they will climb onto a tall platform, see the savannah landscape on Nairobi’s doorstep, and mouth-feed the Rothschild giraffe orphans whose long black tongues are as eery as their eyes are endearing.

The morning freshness has given way to a searing sun, and the group rests for lunch at a café serving greasy chapati flatbreads of the best kind. The group probes Jinja about growing up near the training grounds of the world’s fastest runners but she instead incites them to dream of treks through rainfed valleys, moon-like summits and gazelle-filled plains. By the end of lunch, Guan, Mei, Wei and Xin are following the Insta page “Jinja Ninjas” tagged with a zebra hiking meme.

The last visit of the day is the ethnic Maasai market. On the way, Shomari hands round bottles of cold water in the bus and explains that Nairobi was christened out of the original Maasai name Enkare Nyrobi meaning cool water. He then urges them into the market stalls and incites them to buy generously and take souvenirs back for their nephews, nieces and friends. Alice falls in love with a metal sculpture of a warthog and convinces John that it is smaller and easier to carry than a giraffe. Antonio is snap-happy surrounded by animalia artefacts, and the rest of the group browse and buy with the ultimate satisfaction that they know how to get a great bargain, rewarded for their savvy with free zebra keyrings and fridge magnets. Every good adventure must come to an end but to celebrate their odd and endearing new friendships, the gang invites Shomari for a cold beer before waving goodbye to Alice and John, straddling the warthog between them, who are headed for their flight home through the night sky with authentic memories Kenyan-style.