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Happy Holiday Funny

In 2006, we found ourselves getting ready for trick-or-treat with our first son, Ben. He was finally old enough to walk around, so we wanted to take him out for the first time. The weather was supposed to be amazing, no rain, or wind, or snow. We had never been on the Mamma and Papa side of trick-or-treat, and we were excited, so I (Mama) went to the shop to find a costume. 


Ben had only been walking for a few months, so I wasn’t sure how long he would even be able to last on trick-or-treat, but I was so excited to go with him. Now I just had to find the perfect thing for him to wear.


The first costume I picked up was a vampire. In my imagination, I saw little Ben as a vampire, walking along looking happy and getting to that first house. All of the houses in town were up off of the sidewalk, so he would have to go up thirteen or fourteen steps just to get to the front doors. There he would go with his little pumpkin head candy bucket up the steps, but Oh no! He hasn’t noticed his robes slipping silently under his foot, oh no, oh no, oh NO!!! There he goes tumbling down the stairs head over heels, into the road and down the street! No, no vampire for Ben.


A dinosaur, yes! It’s one big piece with a little hooded head, so cute! It has an enormous tail at the back that sticks out all on it’s own. I can see it now, little Ben heading up the stairs, so far so good, holding his pumpkin head pot and Papa’s hand in his other chubby baby hand. They’ve made it up to the door, but there is a group of children on the porch. One of them is another toddler, she is so adorable in a little ballerina costume. Ben turns around to wave at me, and thwack! the tail swings around and hits the little ballerina! There she goes! She has fallen backwards, and taken out the decorations on the porch! Oh no, oh no, oh NO!!! That Jack-o-lantern had a candle in it, It’s hit the spiderweb! The spiderweb is on fire! Call the fire department! HELP! No, no dinosaur.


A pirate! This one has no robe or tail, and look at that really great pirate hat! How would that look on you buddy? It’s perfect! There you go up to the porch, not a lot of kids, just the neighbor’s Grandpa and Grandma and a sweet little kitty cat. You love kitties! You walk up to get a piece of candy and you smile and we all say “Trick-or-treat!” The Grandpa asks you what you are, and happily, you call out “PIRATE!” He bends down at the same time as you jump up excitedly, and oh no, oh no, oh NO!!! Your hat spins because it’s too big for your head, the pointy side bit smacks the Grandpa in the eye, and he drops the bowl onto the kitty’s tail. The Kitty “YEOWS!” and jumps up onto the Grandma and she knocks Grandma over. Definitely not a pirate.


An alien! everyone loves an alien! This one has four little connected arms. Off he goes, little boy with wobbly side eyes, and little antennae. He heads up the stairs, and oh no, oh no, oh NO!!! The side railing hooks onto a little arm on the side of the costume, and flings our Ben down the stairs on his bum, into the line of children behind him and dominoes them down the steps as well. Candy is flying everywhere! Kids are crying, parents are angry. No, No alien.


At this point I’m standing in the shop sweating and almost in tears. I think to myself, “Maybe I shouldn’t get anything, and we will stay home again this year, after all, he is only a toddler, he doesn’t even understand about Halloween, right? Last year was great, we got cozy on the couch and watched a movie about wizards. It was so fun to hand out candy ourselves.” Then I thought, “Come off it Kate, you’re being paranoid!”


I looked at little Ben and he looked at me. I was clearly overthinking this. Then I imagined him again, walking along in a little crowd of kids, smiling and having such a great time, suddenly he let go of Papa’s hand and the group of children walked away. He thought the man they were with was Papa, and when I looked again he was gone! Oh no, oh no, oh no!!! The group has mixed with another group and three other men are wearing jackets the same color as Papa! He could be anywhere. Ok, ok, that’s it, we’re staying home! Then I saw it. It was a little pumpkin jammy-like costume with the tiniest little pumpkin top beenie hat. There was no way he could be tripped up, or trip anyone else. He couldn’t kick anyone over with it, or get it hooked on a railing. it was perfect. 


Trick-or-treat night had arrived, for real this time, and we set out on foot all together. Mama, PaPa and our little pumpkin. We had gotten him a toddler sized pumpkin bucket, so that he could carry it himself, and carry it he did! He wouldn’t let either of us touch it ALL NIGHT LONG. He hobbled up and down the stairs, said “Peees?” and “Thanklum” to everyone who gave him candy and held on to that little bucket with a very tight grip. 


The bucket grew heavier and heavier, but Ben didn’t care, he had discovered a way to get candy! People were just giving it to him. It was fantastic, he was absolutely amazed! Before we knew it, an hour had passed and the little bucket was completely filled! We had brought the stroller, because we were certain that he would not be able to walk for that long at bedtime, for goodness sake. WE WERE WRONG! At this point Ben had to full on drag that pumpkin bucket down the sidewalk. It was quite heavy. We finally convinced him to at least let us dump it out into the stroller so that he could keep going. He agreed and he walked on for another hour! We couldn’t believe it! 


Nothing bad happened, Ben charmed everyone! He walked up and down staircase after staircase and never fell once. When we finally got back to the house, he had candy enough to last him a whole year! No kidding, we gave him one piece each day and he ate that candy until the next Halloween came around, when we decided it was getting too old and threw the rest away.


Trick-or-treat has always been this way, but I don’t stress out about the “what if’s” anymore. We have four amazing boys now, and every year is an adventure. We’ve had a great many costumes, no danger of any kind, and always have enough candy to last until the next one rolls around.


Every year the boys ask us if they are too old to go Trick-or-treating. We always say no way and let them go. The costumes are more hilarious now. Last year, our little pumpkin was a "ceiling fan". He wore a hat that said, "I love ceilings!" and carried a pennant that said, "Go Ceilings!" Three of the boys are teenagers, but they are only young once. I can't wait until we can go trick-or-treating with their kids! Until then, Happy Halloween!


THE END.

October 30, 2020 17:21

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