Shades of Red

TW: mention of rape

The loud sound of the wedding ring placed on the mayor’s finger, hitting the sturdy oak-carved stand behind which he was making a speech to the entire town, was like a grenade, going off and causing everyone in the town hall to momentarily stop what they were doing and focus solely on the source of the noise. Fucking grenades thought Grant, he’d seen - and more importantly heard - too many of those bloody things in his lifetime. Undeniably useful and deadly, but at the same time it didn’t take anyone spectacular to use it. Supposedly that's the point, even a skinny man like Mayor Jones could cause absolute carnage with it. 

Mayor Jones - an unthreatening man that he was - started his speech. ‘Thank you all for gathering here today, I know that everyone is a little on edge given the recent developments in the Crimson Rapist case …’ 

‘Or lack of developments!’ shouted someone from the back, whose comment was quickly met by the collective murmur of approval, washing swiftly from the back to the front as a wave might do in the stormy sea. Drenched by the noise, the mayor continued.

‘As you all know, the latest victim was found on Hodger St, in the fields, behind the old warehouse building. As always he left his signature photograph and a red bodysuit with the victim. Poor Emma had just turned 16.’ His voice cracked slightly as he couldn’t fathom how someone so terrible could be haunting their little town. ‘As of this moment, I’m recommending that we all stay inside as soon as it gets dark and try to stick together as much as we can. This has been the 4th girl in the last 3 months so we have to consider the worst …’ he took a deep breath and exhaled into the microphone. `We cannot simply ignore these incidents as random, there has to be a connection and a strong possibility that the Crimson Rapist is a member of our community.’

The pregnant silence caused by the dramatic end of the mayor’s speech gave birth to whispers, but quickly matured to emotion fuelled conversations. Grant looked around only to find that he was the only one keeping calm and not shouting. He often had the same expectations of other people as he had of himself, even though most people lacked the military training and experience he’d gained over his years of service. To his amazement, he saw a kindred spirit sitting next to him, a woman in her 40s who unlike everyone else remained silent. Could it be, another sane person in this town full of insecure, unprepared, hopeless sheep? 

She caught his gaze and returned it straight to him. Not in a rejecting way, accepting and giving back. He’d seen that face before, she worked at the post office. It's easy to recognise faces in a small town where everyone knows each other, even though they never exchanged as much as simple “hello, how are you?”. 

‘Are you alright ma'am? You seem a little bit shook up,’ said Grant, with as much compassion as he could muster. Compassion didn't come easy to him, after all how could it, after all the things he’d seen. All the things he’d done. 

The woman shook and snapped out of the shock she was obviously in, she must have realised that it probably seemed quite rude of her to eyeball Grant and immediately apologised while also assuring him that she's quite alright. Supposedly she meant “quite alright” taking into account a serial rapist being let loose on her little town. 

Grant could hear the Mayor speak once again. ‘Could I ask you all to make your way towards the exit in an orderly manner. I believe there are some collection boxes at the front if you would like to donate any sum to help us in this dire time of need.’ What a shameless, little leech, preying on the fear of people at their lowest. Truth be told, Grant didn’t get along with most people in the town. He managed to grow a reputation for being a loner which he wore as a badge of honour.

‘I don’t think you should be going home alone, would you mind if I drop you off?’ asked Grant curiously. A surprised look sprang to life on the woman’s face. She was probably more surprised than him. What has come over me, why did I just say that? ‘Just for my own peace of mind, it’s getting dark and with everything going on. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something were to happen and I didn’t offer.’ Her eyes sunk to the floor before she almost inaudibly agreed. She must be in real shock to be this timid, thought Grant. 

As they were walking out he politely asked her name but didn't want to ask much more. He knew first hand that sometimes people needed some time to process things alone.The door to the passenger’s side of Grant’s car opened and he let the woman in. He closed the door after her but as soon as the sound of it hit his sensitive eardrums he wondered whether he did it too hard. Last thing he wanted to do was to scare her. When he got in the driver’s seat the awkward silence was pierced by a lonely sound of the engine starting. A strange sensation for Grant, as he had always felt at home in silence, not talking to people around him never bothered him, and yet, caring for this poor woman had awoken something in him he never realised was asleep this whole time. 

‘Where do you live, Amanda?’ Grant said in his sharp, usual way without meaning to sound snappy. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off that way, I just need to know where to drop you off, that's all’. Reassuring her of his broken social mannerisms came naturally to him. For some reason he cared about her, even though he just met her. When he looked into her eyes, he saw no evil, no judgment, just pureness of a good soul. He could gawk into those beautiful, blue eyes and forget about everything happening around him, about all the mortifying crimes gone unpunished lately. 

‘9 Scarlet Avenue... please,’ she said timidly. Her eyes started to reflect Grant, as a single tear forced its way through a make-up covered cheek, leaving a trail that spoke a thousand words. Grant hurriedly reached into the glove compartment and handed Amanda a fresh, neatly folded, salmon-coloured cloth so that she could wipe her tears off. ‘I’m really sorry, I'm just a total mess at the moment. A lot of things are racing through my mind and I get overwhelmed easily. Its all this rape stuff, I just can’t help thinking about what might happen…’ Even her voice is angelic.

‘I don't want to put pressure on you, or come across wrong,’ said Grant, this time making sure he followed the well established social guidelines on general politeness. ‘But if you need anything, I'm more than happy to help. I know it's a weird thing to say but with times like these everyone can use some help. I’ve noticed you don’t have a car so even just giving you a lift from work when it gets dark, I'm more than happy to do. I’m sure you know, but I don’t have many people close to me so it's no problem for me at all.’ Grant felt his cheeks heating up. What is wrong with me, I’ve seen people get killed in war and now I can’t even speak to a woman. Snap out of it! The reply came in the form of an uncomfortable smile and an embarrassed lowering of the eyes. 

They say silence is golden. Well if that's true, then Grant was a dragon sleeping on a pile of gold, or at least he felt like it during the drive to Amanda’s place. Most of the time he cherished silence, nothing more tranquil than a man of war swimming in the sea of silence, however on this occasion, it felt more like drowning. When they reached the end of this pilgrimage, to his surprise Amanda didn’t immediately get out of his car to reach the safe haven of her home. She sat there for what felt like an everlasting minute and eventually turned around to face him, her eyes penetrating any walls he raised towards society and clearly seeing the real him. Oh no, she’s going to be terrified of me and run off. It's over.

‘Would you like to come inside for a minute?’ said a confident, defying the social norms voice. Not the timid, overwhelmed woman he felt he had to watch over, but a completely transformed one. Grant always felt like he was prepared for everything, but this caught him off guard, reminding him of the vein clutching thrill of war he hadn’t experienced for decades. Finally realising that his mouth had dropped open, he shook off the dismay of an unexpected question, regained his composure and replied. 

‘I would love to, if that’s ok with you.’ Amanda’s smile was enough to confirm. It was interesting how a slightly different smile could change the entire meaning behind the act itself. 

Upon entering the house, Grant was met with a beautiful, heartwarming, tear-worthy scene of Amanda’s two daughters running, hugging her and embracing the family reunion to its fullest. I guess the dad is not around. It all started to make sense to him now, a single mother raising two beautiful daughters. One seemed to be in her early teens while the other, barely eight years old. No wonder she was struggling with a serial rapist on the loose, who specifically targets young teens. And that transformation right before leaving the car, she needed to look and act strong for her children. An admirable act, true bravery on display.

‘What took you so long? We thought something might have happened, I was even considering calling Dad,’ said the older daughter with a clear mixture of a worried and annoyed look. The kind of look a parent would give a child when they did something really stupid but at the same time being glad that they didn't hurt themselves. How ironic.

‘I’m sorry, the meeting at the hall just ran a little late. I will tell you more details later. This is Grant by the way, he was very comforting and helpful in giving me a lift home,’ said Amanda, while softly rubbing her hand on Grant’s shoulder. ‘He also said, he will help out a little in the coming days, so I thought it would be a good idea for you to meet him.’ 

Grant smiled uncomfortably. Is this what a loving family is supposed to look like? Things didn’t go like that in his home growing up, love was something scarce and only reserved for the special times. It really did prepare him well for his spell in the army, being hardened from a young age made him more resistant to the horror of war so many others succumbed to. It also made him very hard to be around and open up to people.

‘Grace, take Anita and go to the dining room, I will be with you in a second, let me just speak to Grant for a minute alone ok? And remember to wash your hands!’ Amanda shouted  the last sentence as the older girl led her little sister away. Amanda turned to Grant and pierced his soul with her eyes once again. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drop this on you like this. Didn’t even realise what time it was. Listen, you really don’t have to help me out, we’ve managed fine thus far,’ lied Amanda. Grant could see that she really did want him to help out, some people just find it hard to ask for help sometimes. 

‘Not a problem at all, seriously, I mean it. Let’s just exchange numbers and you just let me know when you’re finishing late next and when to pick you up. I’ll be there,’ Grant said, reassuring her with a calming motion of his hands slowly going up and down, as well as adjusting the tone of his voice once again. 

The relieved facial expression on Amanda’s face would be enough to disperse any doubt in Grant’s mind if there was any, but of course there was none. Grant was a decisive man, who always stuck to his decision once it was made. Happy with how everything turned out, Grant started to turn away to leave the house, but was stopped by the reaching arms of Amanda who forced him to hug. She really does need my help. A comforting warmth spread across his whole body; his heart started drumming faster and faster. A brief moment felt like a drop of water falling endlessly through the air; although it might fall for a long time, it will inevitably hit the ground. In the same way, the pressure from Amanda’s arms would be released and the world would return to its mundane state of coldness. 

‘I’ll see you tomorrow then.’ And just like that, he left and closed the door behind him, not even caring about how hard it slammed against the frame. The drive home was a peaceful yet intense one. Reflecting on the evening provided a sense of accomplishment, like when you save a hurt bird who fell from its nest. It was time for Grant to nurse the bird back to health so that it could fly away and be independent. But with that, came the worry of trying not to make any mistakes. The worry of doing just enough but not too much. Maybe I will wear the new burgundy tie when I meet her tomorrow. I hope she likes red. 

After a long and unexpectedly pleasant evening Grant got back home and went straight upstairs to have a shower. As he undressed to get in, he looked into his bathroom mirror to see a face of a different man, a happy man. What if a bully nursed a bird back to health, does that still make him a bully, is he still condemned? Maybe Amanda can be my bird that I will nurse into salvation. His eyes dropped lower to the scar he received in the war, a large slash of a dagger in the middle of his chest. Just like that, in an instant his smile disappeared, the lake of happiness and warmth received this evening evaporated, and all that was left was a bottomless pit of nothingness. 

What if I didn’t let the bird fly? Once it flies away, it won't need me anymore. How could he make Amanda need him even more? Being needed gave him an unexpected fulfilment. How could she cope if her firstborn daughter were to be brutally desecrated? His eyes went up once again to meet a sweet smile of familiarity. Yes, she will be next.