Last Days of Everything

I have 3 more days at home before I leave to go to college. I am SO excited! I’ll be living on my own, making lifelong friends (from what I’ve heard), and be my own boss. No one can tell me when to go to bed, or when to come back home, or when to eat. I know it sounds stupid, but I’ve kind of been looking forward for this moment for my entire life. To get out of my house and really go live my life. I haven’t lived anywhere but here in Kentucky, and I can't wait to see what is beyond farms, horses and green grass. 

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Kentucky, and I have had a very comfortable childhood, I wouldn’t change it for a thing, but you know, that feeling, that you want to get out into the world. I feel like I have been embarrassed and humiliated enough to actually go out to the world. 

I’ve always had this narrative in my mind that once I get a job, a house, and a family, that I wouldn’t have any more problems. I know that is not true, and I try to remind myself that every single day, but I also know that there is something out there for me. And not knowing what it is drives me crazy. 

Maybe it’s a career, or a certain special person, or just….. anything. I can feel it in my soul that I need to go out into the world or do something, whether it’s to start a family, a business, job, I don’t know. But there is something with my name all over it, and I need to find it. 

My mom is kind of freaking out. It probably hasn’t hit her yet, because she’s acting fine, surprisingly. But she is like going through her head, trying to remember if there’s anything I don’t know how to do as I live with people I don’t know. So we are basically taking an AP Home Ed. I’m doing laundry non-stop, and at night, we’re trying to watch 5 minute healthy meals. I’m cooking, vacuuming, mopping, dusting. 

My mom even made a cookbook for me so I don’t forget the recipes. I know I said she’s acting fine, but compared to all my friends moms, I would consider myself lucky. All the other moms are like bawling their eyes out and keep on repeating how much they are going to miss their kids. Well, I’m the oldest, so I have a brother and a sister to annoy my mom after I leave. Honestly, if I were her, I would be crying tears of happiness. One out, two to go. 

Its like when I got my license. At first, I thought, I’ll be able to go anywhere I want. I can drive! I’m halfway there in conquering the world. But then, I don’t know. Either the excitement wore off, or I realized driving wasn’t that big of a deal. But college is. You are just becoming a young adult, and you kind of have no idea what you’re supposed to do. 

I don’t even think going to college has hit me yet. I will never live in this home again, (at least I hope). I don’t want to be broke that bad that I have to live in my parents house after college. 

My friends are all like we’re never going to see each other again and all that junk. I mean, I hope I see my friends again. They haven’t stuck with me the whole time, but they did make me the person I am today. Without their petty little arguments, I probably wouldn’t have realized what my priorities are. And they are certainly not to go out of the way to hang out with some popular kids or whatever. 

I will miss everyone and everything, but I come from a family of 6. Our grandmother lives with us too. Going out on my own is like a breath of fresh air. My family is very close, and it's great, but I also need to get out on my own. Experience everything. Live my life like all teenagers do (and make dumb mistakes).  

I want to party hard. You don’t see 50 year olds partying their faces off at a college party, do you? I literally cannot wait to go to college!

We’re all in the car and my heart is beating so fast. I won’t be seeing my family again until Thanksgiving. I’m going down the list for what I might be missing. Ah, who cares. My mom will probably just want to find an excuse to come all the way back to my college just to give me something I forgot at home anyway. 

We all walk into the airport together as my dad parks the car. It's starting to feel real now. I'm going to start living alone. I won’t be able to talk to anybody as soon as I walk through the front door. I won’t be able to complain about my siblings annoying me. I won’t have someone to worry about me coming home late. Me and my family are going to be hours and miles apart.

I can feel water starting to leak out of my eyes, as I see my family around me do the same. My dad rushes up to us and we all just stand there in the middle of the airport hugging each other.

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Its been a week now, and I’m kind of missing my family. I’m loving it here though too. All the people are really nice, and the work is okay. I wouldn’t call it easy, but its not that hard as I expected. The freedom is nice though. Like a breath in an alternate universe. 

This all makes me remember when my mom told me as a kid to not touch the stove. So whenever I turn on the stove, it brings up some memories.