Confessions of:

The pursuit of happiness, and the thing one wants the most

My mom often would talk about those, while I often get lost

In her words that's filled with magic and grief

Oh, why is happiness so hard to achieve

I'm walking alone in this forest

Finding the happiness that I once dreamt of

Trying to Remember a story my mom told me, and where she last left off

"A hero that seek true happiness" she said,

"A hero once mighty, wept, slept and wished he was dead.

So he'd forever dream about his lost smiles

And the feeling of laughing whilst, conversing with the world he see

Oh, what a treasure that joy may be

Frustrated, his heart felt heavy and dense,

So he ran into the forest of dreams to slay the tense

And confessed everything that he felt in it"

Sadly that's all I remember from it

Agh! My head hurts

My knees hurt, but I just kept walking and thinking

For I want to feel that happiness while I'm living

And I want to see that Joy, that I'm seeking 

WHAT DID HE DO TO ACHIEVE IT!?

He walked and ran, he walked and ran and he-

Confessed!

Yes! He confessed! 

But what should I confess to?

Should I confess all the bad things that I do? Or

What I feel...

I suddenly stopped walking, and looked at the trees around me

They're encircling me slowly, dominating my sight and body

My knees felt weak and I muttered unhastily 

I feel... Anxious 

I then took a deep breath and closed my eyes

And as I opened it, 

bright flashes of light streaked unto my sight blinding me

I then heard unrecognizable murmurs

Deafening me and giving my brain tremors

They're gossiping and spreading rumors

And amongst all of the voices, one stood out

He kept laughing, laughing and held a proud shout

So I focused unto him despite the lights

His voice is getting deeper, my throat is getting tight

So when my eyes adjusted unto him, I saw

A figure, 

A perfect figure of a man tall and lean

He's not small, nor big- he's a bit in between

But although I can't make out his face, I can see a silhouette 

He has a chiseled jawline, and a bulky chin,

He danced with the lights gracefully,

Exclaiming

 "They love me, they love me, they all love me, keep praising Aren't I so lovely?"

As I see him dancing so airily 

I wanted to ask him how can you be happy

But before I could muster up my words

His once careful steps, then became erratic

His voice, became desperate as the praises became static

His movements became faster and faster,

And he yelled louder and louder

"THEY LOVE ME! THEY LOVE ME! PLEASE PRAISE ME! AREN'T I LOVELY?"

And as the once blinding light, reduced into one

He stepped closer to me, and the once perfect figure was gone

His chiseled jaw and chin, became soft flapping skin

His perfect body, now shaped like a circle Wearing a gross grin

And as his head wore down he looked at me

His piercing stare, pierced my soul directly

And as my feet trembled, I asked he

"How can you be happy?" 

But before he could muster up his words,

Our ears relaxed to a little voice we heard,

Singing soft and slow, making our attention deter

To the void that surrounded us

The voice, is echoing throughout our heads

It's getting louder, as it getting closer

His face then turned from smiling to dread 

He then looked at me with pure shock and terror on his face

He shivered as he mumbled his words with haste

"My na-"

"Who am I?"

"I'm-"

But before he could finish his words

He then looked behind his back seeing some lady, his terror I can't put into words

And as his world crumbled right in front of me

A whirl wind of emotion, took my tears indirectly

The lady then hugged him tight as he's getting absorbed in her body,

Slowly sucking his life away,

But he just kept screaming, screaming and screaming his lungs out

Screaming for dear life, almost pulling his tongue out

But with my body frozen in place, all I can do is watch him dissipate 

His body then turned to ashes, making me look ahead at my fate

She then looked back, and smiled menacingly

It then came flying unto me, a metal plate,

With on it something engraved

"FAME"

Finally my legs woke up,

I ran and ran and ran and ran without looking back

And I breathe and breathe and breathe and breathe, without lack

So kept running, and as the once void I was in

Became the forest again

I stopped running to collect my breath and then

I've thought of fame...

Who was he?

Why did that happen to him?

Was he... happy?

And As I've thought of the smile, he wore to deceive

I then felt the words inside of my mouth leave

The words "Why is Happiness so hard to achieve?"

But I wanted to try again, 

So I searched deep inside my heart, within

This guarded tiny walls

Dark, colorless halls

And soundless, empty balls

And as I searched harder

I saw... Me

I saw me, feeling tiny and heavy

As if I'm just a small screw, in a large contraption waiting to break when ready

I don't feel enough...

I keep preaching that I want to make people happy

But when they need me the most, I never know how to stop it

When their tears are overflowing, I cannot seem to drop it

I...

If only I had something...

I then regained focus back unto my world

When my eyes opened, I then hurled

When my sight came clear it then unfold

The forest now is made of gold

My eyes widened in amazement

The shiny trees, and the sparkling pavement

Big rocks with fancy engravement

I then wore a wide grin, still my eyes is widened

And as I was looking around, I saw an old man and he saw me back

He then ran at me, carrying a big sack on his back

He then grabbed me, stretching his face up to his ear,

He then exclaimed

"A visitor!"

"Come! Meet my friends that I hold dear",

He then pushed me at the direction he came from

Dancing while walking, repeating the same song

Over and over again,

He then stopped and came enthusiastically on my face

He then pointed ahead on 4 golden sculpted clays

"Those are my friends!!" He exclaimed

"Where!?" I talked back

But he stared at me, and grabbed the sack on his back

And gave me a gold coin, as if that should keep me on track

He then looked at my eyes 

"Those are my friends!!" He again exclaimed

His eyes stared at me longingly

Yet the smile on his face looked the same

He- his face looks happy

Yet his eyes tells a different story

It feels... empty

It's like a void waiting to be filled up

Like a dark ominous hole waiting to be lit up

To reveal the skeletons inside

That's Beneath his happy face

So I asked he, what is this place

He then answered " welcome to the land where none is sad

Where happiness is all that we had

And when someone ever feels down

Give them a gold crown and the frown, should disappear"

"Is this the happiness that I often hear?" I asked myself

So wanting to stand clear, 

I let my curiosity drive near, the answers I seek

So In a knick I asked he, 

"where are your friends?"

"Friends!?" He asked

He then looked around, and pointed at our surroundings

"HERE! HERE ARE MY FRIENDS!"

his eyes then widened in excitement

"Are those my friends I hear?"

He then grabbed a rock that's near

And banged it with such sheer

Force, that with just a mere

Sight of it, brought my heart fear

With a sudden pace, he turned and looked at me, holding back his tear

He then said

"Here dear, is the friend I hear"

His friend is a face carved on a golden rock

It looks miserable, like it's waiting for time to end on the clock

And as it's dissevered eyes and forced smiles looked haunted

It made me ask myself "Is this the happiness that I wanted?"

Cause my smiles at first was with amazement,

Then those smiles turned to enragement

But now it feels lonely

So I asked he, "Are you happy?"

He looked at me confused and daunted how happily he flaunted

He then said

"All of my deeds are done,

Don't remember the rains only the sun

Cause all of this are the wishes that I granted

This is all the seeds that I planted

All of my dreams I planned it

So just I could get to now,

Where I just bought everything that I wanted

So that all my sadness would be gone

But suddenly now, all I want is none"

His once happy demeanor, then turned miserable

His once envied fate, turned undesirable

And as tears are rolling down his cheeks

He has now escaped, money's tricks

He just whined and whined and let out the emotions he kept within

The gold in our surroundings then melted, and we then

Saw it's true colors and forms 

It's a withered forest, dark and gray with lightings and thunderstorms 

Although the thunders are loud

It's getting muffled and drowned

By the voice and sound

Of a woman singing

She getting closer, leaving my body and knees trembling

My heart's now pounding faster and faster

Leaving my knees weak, and bending

My sanity harder and harder

As I'm close to snapping, I focused unto the man's face

His eyes is looking ahead at better days

And as the beautiful tune is echoing throughout my head

The man turned around

His once empty smile is now filled with dread

Dreaded he looked at me

He's mumbling, while the lady's hugging him tightly

She's singing inside his ear softly

The man relaxed unto her arms

His eyes then widened as he seems to figure something out

He's stuttering struggling to get the words out of his mouth

"I - I - I I know who I am"

"I can finally relax, but this realization is a damn"

With a sudden curiosity bubbling up my body

I asked he 

"Who are thee?"

"Who am I?" He asked back

"Im a man so miserable, that see no light just black

I'm a man so miserable, that I can't keep my ego intact

I'm a man so miserable, that I spend most of my days as if I was sick

I'm a man so miserable, that I run away from the very thing I seek

I'm a man so miserable, that I am you"

He then turned into gold, and melted away

The lady then sucked him dry, releasing a plaque that's clay

And written on the plaque I see, I see the word

"MONEY",,,

The lady then glanced at me when I ran,

She then dashed at me in a flash

My thoughts came flashing with me when they stashed

WHY!? Why does this keep happening?

My efforts on finding Happiness keeps dampening

The joy, I just want the joy to balance with the suffering

Am I miserable? Why did the forest show me fame and money!?

Those won't last, those won't keep my world sunny

I just ran and ran, until I'm back at the forest again

But this time, it's filled with snow

It's a blizzard, making the coldness bestow

Sufferings inside of me

I'm cold

It's freezing slowly what my heart dearly hold

But I kept running, my tears solid

Why did the forest show me fame and money, when the Joy they can't even hold it

Fame loves being loved

Money loves buying love

But none has the Joy they want to have

While running my body gave in the cold

Hypothermia caught up to me, making me think of the old

Times when I was with mom

Her words, her words about happiness gave me seldom

My eyes then slowly closed as I remember the past

The stories, the stories inside thy heart I hast

My body's losing it's footing

My heart beat slowed down making my blood stop moving

And as I see a light above, I heard

"The hero then prayed to the God above,

He prayed for he realized that the key to happiness, is confessing the thing he love"

I finally remember my mom's words

The words she used to assert

My heart then came warmer and alert

I then heard singing, a beautiful tune it's bringing

My ears then danced with wind they blew

I opened my eyes, seeing a woman a bright light she glew 

She's getting closer making me see her clearly

Her cat slanted eyes, just merely

Captures her presence 

The snow they fall slow

As if it's taking their time to see her glow

She's singing, she's singing a beautiful sow

" They say the snow is so cold,

It's make belief

  Cause when I'm with you the fire I can hold

It made me believe

  That I, enjoy the life I live

Cause you're my joy, when my smile leave

Cause you're the one that made me feel

Like a flower, blooming in the field 

I can always ask if this is real

Cause when the demons attack, I can defend

 And when eternity leads us to the end

 I'll wait another eternity to see you again"

Her bright red lips sang that beautiful words

My body then heat up I can't put my feelings into words

As I remember what fame told me a while

I've been seeking happiness while

Running away from Joy

And as the heat on my body receive

Is this the happiness I wanted to achieve?

As this doubtful words fell out of my mouth

She stopped singing and put her hands around my mouth

She then lifted up my head

My body's heating up, the coldness; the coldness is now dead

As I looked up in her eyes

I was sucked in, her beauty inside I was mesmerized

Her face was perfect, but inside was a lot more

It's poking me, it's poking me inside of my core

So when our faces is slowly getting close

I was getting ready to open one final door

As my breathing became stable, our eyes met and I was unable to stop

Our face is so much closer, My words I couldn't drop

I said slowly

"If love is the key to happiness, and happiness happens to be you"

Our face then came close together, and as I was getting ready to say my final confession 

I whispered under my breath

"Then Joy, I Love You"