LISTING THROUGH MY LIFE

LISTING THROUGH MY LIFE-

          There are lots of lists I live by- top tens- in my life now at 77 plus. I can trace so much of my life by the top ten movie lists in the many decades of my life.

          I was born in 1943. I was the top one that year, the first child of Flos and Moishe, the first grandchild of Sam and Lena and Shimen and Esther, the first great-grand of my Zaide and my other great Rachella. There was not A SHADOW OF DOUBT I was wanted. What a distinction I had. It was a year in the war. It was a terrible war; it was a sad and frightening time.  It was a good time to be born and bring hope to so many people. My family was all here in America, having struggled to leave their villages, travel in steerage on huge ships, waiting to land on the American streets, paved with gold, they thought. Aunts, uncles, friends of theirs all here and all welcoming their new lives.

          1943-I was the child “for whom the bells tolled” I was told years later. My family rang those bells outside my mom’s Jewish Memorial Hospital window to celebrate my birth in June. My father was there in his war khakis; my family in their best. That’s what they all said through the years. We lived in several places, finally landing in Long Island City in the largest city project, Queensbridge. It wasn’t in the list of top ten places to live but it served us well. I made friends of all different kinds, went to school, saved pennies to migrate each summer to the “mountains” or the “country. My family bought a TV and a new list of things to watch entered my young life.  And I got to do so many things, more than ten.

          1953- GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDS- There I was 10 years old, freckle-faced, cute with the blondest curliest hair imaginable. It wasn’t necessary to do much to my hair, just shake out the curls and let them be. Actually, I can still do that. Maybe use a barrette to get the curls out of my eyes. People wanted to touch those curls, to put a finger on them. We didn’t think much about that then, touching. It was endearing and my mom was always near. I loved school, loved having a hankie pinned to my dress, loved being met at the school door at lunch time by my mom and brought home for sandwiches and maybe a listen to mom’s stories before it was time to go back to class. She’d pick me up again at 3, this time letting me spend a few pennies at the candy store on wax lips or button candy. I’d skip home near her, those blond curls waving in the breeze.  I CONFESS, life was good.

          1963- IT’S A MAD MAD WORLD when you are 20 years old. I was still important in the family, still the eldest to those left, I was still blond and hopefully preferred. But life was changing; it was maddening.  I was well into college, A GREAT ESCAPE; I had been in like and love many times but now I was really in love. Barry was to be my beau. I met him in an English class. He was so smart. I didn’t think I was that clever. He lived in Brooklyn, me, in the Bronx. But a subway fare brought us together. We’d meet in libraries all over the place. We loved them. It was for us, THE THRILL OF IT ALL, (“a great escape”-on the top 10 list then, too.) We’d then go for lunch and find a place to show each other how much we cared. That summer, Barry headed to Europe to discover the world; I headed to summer school to make up credits and maybe graduate early. It was maddening, he so far. And the distance was even greater when he, the sophisticated soul he thought he had become, no longer needed me. The breakup was maddening. The world was horrible to me. But I had MY LIFE TO LIVE. And I found new loves. O, LUCKY {ME-N}.

          1973- THE WAY WE WERE then was married. BOBBY and me and two small children. Lists were made about where to go, what to do, babysitters, toys to get and schools to think about it. It was a tough time. Watergate was a big event. I’d watch with the kids. Roe vs. Wade was important. I wanted to be part of all that, then.

          1983- STAYIN’ ALIVE- It was a time to struggle. It was a time to take care of the family that was dissolving due to divorce. “I will survive” was on my top ten list but that was later. I had two children who needed me. I made sure they had the best, made sure their lives continued normally. I was mom and I was MR. MOM. Together this new family made it. Camp for them, travels on weekends, little league and religious instruction. I worked hard. I would not have “traded places” with anyone. They kept their lists; I kept mine. We made it. I made it. And the first Afro-American went into outer space.

          1993- AGE OF INNOCENCE- I was a half century old, what a milestone. Who would have thought it? My blond curls had streaks of gray that not too many gentlemen preferred. Every so often I’d think back to the beginning. I’d look carefully at it all. I was a remarried; the sons were still getting their education. It was a good time for them. They had lived a lot- innocence was over for them, for the world. In that February the World Trade Center was bombed. It was not “a perfect world.” Lists of thousands of people, lists of the missing on billboards, lists and more lists were being compiled. It was the saddest time.

          2003- A BEAUTIFUL MIND- I had to write at this point, to use the brain while it worked. I unearthed all the notes, all the diaries, all the first lines, the great American novel ideas, the poems, the family histories, and I started. Hundreds of works of art to consolidate as I entered “no {wo}man's land.” It wouldn’t be easy but it would be mine to pass on. It would be a work in progress. I began to organize. Another group of lists. I had no idea of how much I had amassed and…how much I had to discard. Somethings still rang true but others, egad, horrible. Embarrassing. Nevertheless I persevered. I even started painting. I had paints of all kinds and ages. I had the paper. I had the brushes. Now I would need to find the talent.

          2013-GRAVITY- Oh now here was an issue to deal with but how. It was definitely setting in. An object’s weight in determined by the pull of gravity. Gravity caused lots of pulls at that time- pulls on my face, on my tummy, on my thighs. There would be lots of revisions. I would stand taller; I would eat less; I would dress differently to hide all of this. This year, this momentous time of being 70 was not what I was expecting. My two sons were in their 40’s. They might have to start paying attention to HER.

          2023- The top movie is not even a gleam in someone’s eye; not even something I think of, if I will be able to think then! BACK TO THE FUTURE, I will go.  I hope the “virus” is gone and not replaced by another. I hope I can look back on my life and sing songs maybe not JUDY’S TURN TO CRY… and sit and watch all those top ten movies that were so important on my life-list.