Writing Therapy

The group sat in grumpy silence, shifting in their seats and avoiding eye contact. Sean focused his gaze resolutely on the floor. He kept his body still and prayed he wouldn’t be called upon. He could just make out Donny in his peripheral vision, rocking back and forth in his chair with his head lolled back. Ms. Powley, the group’s therapist, was smiling brightly as she looked around the room. With her back very straight and her hands clasped together, she had the energy of an over-eager camp counselor.

“Nobody wants to volunteer?”

It appeared not. Keeping his head down, Sean peeked up to see the others in the circle. Elaine was hunched down in her chair with her hand half-covering her face. Her legs were crossed and her foot was bouncing up and down. Beside her, Leanne was slumped and blank-faced, giving no appearance of knowing where she was, let alone that the group had been asked a question. After a moment of awkward silence and when Ms. Powley’s rigid smile was beginning to falter, Leanne raised her hand.

“I’ll read my poem.”

“Oh, Leanne, thank you so much for volunteering.” Ms. Powley’s hands fluttered with excitement.

Leanne picked up a page on the side-table attached to her chair and recited her poem in a dreary monotone.

“I knew that it would hurt you,

I’m sorry for the pain I caused

I should have thought through my actions,

I wish that I had paused.

I love you very much

And I hope you will forgive.

I will try and make it up to you 

As long as I will live.”

“Thank you Leanne, that was beautiful.” Ms. Powley smiled so widely her eyes almost disappeared beneath her wrinkles. Leanne dropped the page and returned to her previous state of vacuity. 

“What did you all think of Leanne’s poem?”

“Nice rhyming,” Donny answered. “Who is it about?”

Leanne appeared as if she was registering the others in the group for the first time. She stared at Donny with her eyes narrowed, before returning to Ms. Powley.

“Would you like to share more about your poem, Leanne?”

“Uh, ok. It’s about my mum.”

Leanne sat awkwardly while the others waited for her to continue. Donny snorted.

“What did you do to piss her off?” 

Leanne’s head drooped and she began picking at a thread on the end of her sleeve.

“Just normal teenage stuff I guess. Snuck out of the house, I had this boyfriend she didn’t like. I was kind of a bitch in general.”

Ms. Powley took this as her cue to show her understanding and support of the group members. She leaned forward in her chair and took Leanne’s hand firmly. She spoke in a hushed voice, full of quiet conviction.

“You are in a safe place here Leanne. No one will judge you.”

Leanne’s eyes widened in surprise. She leaned back in her chair and tensed her shoulders, like a child forced into conversation with an unpleasant grandmother.

“Ok.... thanks.”

Ms Powley relaxed and turned her attention back to the group. “I think we’d all love to hear your poem Donny.”

“Ah.... Ms. Powley.” 

“You didn’t forget to write the poem, did you?”

Not a chance of that. If anybody failed to participate fully in writing therapy, then Ms. Powley would report it to their psychologists and then God knows what would happen. Certainly no one wanted to go back to in-patient therapy. 

“Don’t worry Ms. Powley, I wrote my poem. I’m just nervous you won’t think it's very good.” Donny hung his head pitifully. Elaine caught Sean’s eye and gave him a smirk. 

“Oh, nonsense. I think all your poems are wonderful.”

“Thanks for your encouragement, Ms. Powley,” Donny replied. He had just enough of a quiver in his voice. “It really means a lot.”

Sean bent his head to hide his smile and Elaine couldn’t stop herself from letting out a laugh.

“Everyone quiet please. Show some respect.”

“Don’t mind them Ms. Powley. They just aren’t as in touch with their feelings as we are.”

Ms. Powley relaxed and smiled at Donny as he held up his notebook. He sat up tall and cleared his throat.

“For Jacob.

You are my closest friend,

I’ve known you since I was four,

There is no other person,

That I like even more.

I’m sorry that I crashed your truck

And stole some of your stuff.

I can totally understand

Why you had had enough.

I hope we can be friends again,

After some time apart.

I hope if I apologise,

We can have a fresh start.”

Donny smiled around the room and bowed his head dramatically.

“Donny,” Ms Powley exclaimed. “That was very good. What did you think of Donny’s poem?”

“I actually... thought it was cool,” Elaine said. “I’m sort of, like, impressed, or whatever.”

Donny threw his hands up in exaggerated humility. 

“All of your work has continued to improve and you have all impressed me over the course of our sessions,” Ms. Powley said. “You should all be proud of yourselves.”

Ms. Powley beamed at them with a motherly smile. For a moment, Sean worried that she might start crying. 

“For the rest of today’s session, I want to move on from things we did wrong, to talk about the things we did right.” Ms. Powley waited for a moment to give her words some dramatic effect. “Let’s talk about kindness. Can anyone give me an example of kindness?”

No one made any attempt to answer. Once again Sean stared at the floor, willing the discussion to end quickly.

“Elaine, what examples of kindness can you think of?”

Elaine rolled her eyes from behind her hand and then pulled herself up out of her slouch.

“Em, I guess, helping old people to cross the street… or giving them your seat on the bus or something.”

“Good answer.” Ms. Powley brightened. “Helping old people is a wonderful act of kindness. Anyone have any other examples?”

Donny lay his head on the desk and Leanne continued to stare off in her own world. Sean felt sorry for Ms. Powley, forever trying to get them interested in things, seeing the best in them when they were always bored and useless. 

“Maybe, helping out with the housework?” Sean volunteered. “Like doing the dishes without being asked.”

Donny looked up. “Do you still live at home? Aren’t you like twenty-five?”

Sean felt his face getting hotter. “I moved back home after the hospital.”

“Wait,” Elaine said. “You didn’t move home after your treatment?”

It was Donny’s turn to blush. “Oh, I mean, my parents are old now. It’s better if I kick it with my buddies.”

“What kindnesses do you and your buddies do for each other?” Ms.Powley asked.

“Maybe going to the store for each other, I guess.”

“Excellent. These are all wonderful examples of kindness. For the next twenty minutes, you will complete a writing exercise. I want you to think of a time where you were kind to someone who didn’t expect it. How did they react? How did you feel?”

The group looked helplessly at each other. With great effort, as if just waking up from a nap, they took out their pens and opened their notebooks. Sean turned the page to a clean sheet.

“You have a lot of time for this exercise, so really think about your emotions here. Doesn’t have to be a big kindness. Anything that seemed significant to you.”

Sean tapped his pen on the page. Twenty minutes was going to drag. He racked his brain to think of a situation that really meant something to him. The room was hot and stuffy and he couldn’t think straight. Elaine and Leanne were already writing. Donny was slumped in his chair with his head in his hand. Sean had a knot of anxiety in his stomach. It was like this any time he tried to write something. This clawing feeling that he was terrible at this. Why was he so stupid and worthless? This whole therapy group was a waste of time. He wished there was a way he could feel perfectly numb and peaceful. No anxiety, no self-esteem issues to work through. 

His gaze wandered around the room. The walls were lime green and covered with posters and pieces of artwork that must have come from other patients. Lots of sketches and paintings of people, mountains and waterfalls, everything full of colour. The walls had a lot more personality than he had. He couldn’t imagine being so creative.

Ms. Powley sat in quiet contemplation while the group was writing. It was strange to see her so still when she was usually so animated. He wondered how long she had been working here and if all the pictures came from her patients or patients in general.

He looked at the blank page in front of him and pressed the tip of the pen to the paper. He had no choice but to write something, even if it was stupid.

“Once, I found a lizard in my house. It was raining hard outside, I didn’t want the little guy to get swept away by a current so I kept him in the house. I put him in a big lunchbox with my t-shirt on the bottom so he would be comfortable. First I chopped up some carrot, but that was too hard for him to eat so I opened a tin of peas and gave him a spoonful of that and he seemed to love them. I held him and let him crawl around my arms, he liked cuddling into the crook of my elbow. It was cute. It felt nice to look after him. After the rain stopped a while, I let him back out into the garden. I never saw him again. I miss that little guy.”

Sean took a moment to read back over what he had written. Was it cheesy to write about an animal? He supposed writing about acts of kindness was always cheesy. At least this was true. 

Sean glanced around the room. Leanne had written a couple of sentences, but now seemed lost in thought. Elaine was on her second page of writing and showed no signs of letting up. Donny had barely started, and was now fiddling with his pen. 

“Ok guys, you can finish there.”

The tension in the room relaxed. Donny snapped his notebook shut and stuffed it into his bag.

“Your homework for this week is to perform a random act of kindness for someone. Doesn’t matter who or how small. Then I want you to write at least five lines about it. We’ll discuss your paragraphs next time. Goodbye and have a nice week.”

The word goodbye was barely out of her mouth before Donny rushed out the room. Sean zipped up his backpack and strolled towards the door.

“Goodbye guys, see you next week.”

The women looked up at him and waved their goodbyes.

“See you next week, Sean.” Ms. Powley smiled brightly and gave him an energetic wave. Sean walked out of the room, feeling a bit lighter than when he had walked in.