Loretta in Flight: Fly Like an Eagle in a World Full of Chickens

Loretta Young squished her plump figure into the tiny confessional in St. John the Evangelist’s Catholic Church. Her knee length jean shorts squeezed her thick thighs as she struggled to kneel down on the step. When she finally knelt down, the step groaned loudly beneath her. She smoothed out the invisible wrinkles on her pink tee-shirt and pulled it taut over her ample bosom and pouchy stomach.

Dishwater blonde hair hung on each side of her round face and past her shoulders in stick-straight strands, like dry spaghetti. Laugh lines creased each side of her periwinkle eyes which looked larger than life through the oversized thick-lensed glasses she wore. Her glasses slowly slid down her nose. She pushed them back up with her middle finger and quickly drew the cross sign on her body.

“Bless me, father, for I am about to sin. It has been three years since my last confession.”

“Bless you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” said Father Shively. “Lord Jesus Christ, we thank you for your presence. Please guide our hearts and minds.

“Now, you say you are about to sin, dear one?”

“Yes, father.”

“Tell me more.”

“I was fired from my job as a cafeteria worker at Bensonhurst Elementary last school year.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. There was a diarrhea outbreak among the kiddos during lunch one day and they blamed me.”

“How could that be?” Father Shively inquired.

“Well, Mr. Lindley, the assistant cafeteria manager, always said that the kids we served had snotty attitudes and sticks up their butts. That really concerned me. Snot noses, well, you can’t do much about that if it’s a common cold. You’ve just gotta let it blow over. But sticks up their butts? That’s a different story.

“I asked Mr. Lindley over and over again if we shouldn’t get word to the kids’ parents. You know, get the kids some relief. But he never took action.

“So, I took matters into my own hands. I talked it over with my best friend, Kaos, and he found the perfect remedy. He told me to mix a laxative into that day’s batch of chili cheese supreme. I did just that and 15 minutes later the floodgates opened. Man, those kids let ‘er rip and experienced instant relief like never before. I should have been thanked. Not fired.”

Father Shively frowned in puzzlement. “Well, that’s quite a story. I certainly hope no child was harmed. Children are a blessing from God, you know. It’s our job to love and protect them.”

Loretta shifted on the step. Her knees began to hurt and the walls closed in around her. “I agree one hundred percent, father. That’s why I did what I did. I just want to be of service, you know? Like Jesus. I’m always looking for ways to lighten someone else’s load. Go the extra mile, you know?”

Father Shively smiled a closed lipped smile. “That’s a good thing to do. But we must be mindful of how we minister to others. Your motive seems pure, but it seems your method was…misaligned, to say the least.”

“Well, it got the job done,” affirmed Loretta. “Anything lodged in those kids that day was absolutely dislodged. And I’m proud of that.”

Father Shively scratched his head.

“Ok, but you mentioned that you are about to sin. What did you mean by that?”

Loretta turned around and sat down on the step to give her knees a break. “Oh, well, tomorrow is my first day of school at Trappy’s School of Circus Arts!” A gleeful squeal burst from Loretta as she clapped her hands excitedly.

“I’m going to be a trapeze artist! I had difficulty finding a new gig,” Loretta continued. “But everything changed for me when my friend, Kaos, suggested I apply for a hostess job at the Kitty Kat Lounge.”

Father Shively shifted in his chair.

“The club on H street?” He inquired.

“Yes! You’ve heard of it?”

Father Shively cleared his throat. “Yes, I’ve heard of it. Please continue.”

“Well, I went down there to interview for the hostess job. I walked in and I could barely see—the room was so dark. The music blasted loudly and I saw not one cat. Not one!  I asked Hank, the manager, where all the cats had gone. I had my heart set on playing with those little fur babies.”

Father Shively bit his lower lip before asking, “So…you expected to see felines?”

“Of course! Why call it the Kitty Kat Lounge if there are no kitties? It’s false advertising if you ask me.”

“Ok, so how did you end up in the trapeze school?” Father Shively shook his head and prayed a silent prayer for guidance as he awaited her answer.

“Well, Hank told me that I’m not what he’s looking for. He said I’d have a better chance of joining the circus than working for him. Suited me just fine because who’d want to be a hostess at a cat club where there’s no cats?

“So, I left there and headed toward the bus stop when God gave me a sign. Right before my very eyes, a large red and yellow sign posted on the side of a brick building said, ‘Stop Clowning Around and Join the Circus! Trappy’s School of Circus Arts—There’s A Place for You Here.’

“Could God have been any clearer? I think not! I walked in to Trappy’s, talked to the owner, Trappy McTrapperson, paid my tuition, and I start school tomorrow!” Loretta pumped her fist in the air victoriously.

A headache started to brew within Father Shively’s cranium. He breathed deeply, bent forward, and slowly massaged his temples.

“Ok. It’s good that you’ve found your place. We all have gifts and talents to use to glorify God and to serve others, but the sin that you’re planning to commit—what are you about to do?

Loretta moved off the step and sat on the floor of the confessional. She tried to cross her legs, but there wasn’t enough room, so she propped her feet up on the step.

“Tomorrow, after school, me and Kaos are going to—

WEEooo! WEEooo! WEEooo!

A firetruck’s piercing siren combined with the sudden commotion outside of the confessional drowned out Loretta’s confession.

“Father Shively! Father Shively! I’m terribly sorry to interrupt, but there’s an emergency,” cried the parish administrator. “A fire is ablaze at Bensonhurst Elementary. School is set to begin tomorrow, but there’s no way it can open. It’s burning to the ground as we speak. The school’s principal is in your office seeking counsel. The education of 333 kids is at stake.”

Father Shively, a wisp of a man, sprung out of his seat with a jolt to run toward his office. “Oh, dear one,” he said to Loretta through the partition’s latticed opening, “I am sorry to leave you so abruptly. An unexpected need has arisen that I must tend to. Concerning your soon-to-be-sin, whatever it is, don’t do it. Simply repent—turn around and go the other way. And keep good company. You can’t hang out with chickens and expect to soar with eagles.

“Read Proverbs 13:20!” Yelled Father Shively as he scurried down the corridor.

Loretta pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and Googled the Bible verse. It read: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but he who mingles with fools will suffer harm.”

A different version of the verse popped up on her phone that spoke directly to her spirit: “Keep company with the wise and you will become wise. If you make friends with stupid people, you will be ruined.”

Loretta chuckled. “Now, we’re talkin’.”

She stuffed her cell phone back into her pocket, got up off of the floor, and exited the confessional. She left St. John’s and walked in the direction of her home, a few short blocks away from the church. She passed the smoldering embers of Bensonhurst Elementary on her way. To her amazement, the school’s cafeteria still stood tall in the midst of the rubble. The banner painted on the wall over the kitchen stood resolutely and legibly in the thick of the destruction. The bold, blue block letters read: “BENSONHURST: HOME OF THE EAGLES.”

“No way,” she mumbled to herself as a wide grin slowly spread across her face. “No freakin’ way.”

Loretta’s phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and answered.

“Did you see it? Did you see it?” Boomed an excited baritone voice over the phone. “Rettie, did you see it?”

Loretta immediately recognized the voice of her friend, Kaos.

“Burn, baby, burn!” He laughed. “They fired you. So, I fired them. Literally.”

“Kaos, you did this? You burned down Bensonhurst?” Asked Loretta.

“You know it!” He boasted proudly.

The smile that brightened Loretta’s face a moment ago diminished. “But I thought you said that tomorrow night, we’d call Principal Rodgers’ home and tell him that the school was on fire…as a joke. You said nothing about actually burning the school down.”

“Oh, the old prank call? That’s lame, Rettie. A joke doesn’t get any cornier than that,” remarked Kaos. “And doesn’t your God say, ‘Thou shalt not lie?’ You tore yourself to pieces over the idea of telling a little white lie. Well, now, you don’t have to lie. The truth is all soot, shambles, and ashes now, Rettie. It is finished!” Kaos erupted into a fit of laughter over the phone.

“Dude, no way,” he continued full of shock and awe. “I think we made the news! Let me call you back, Rettie. We’re headed to prime time, baby! Woo-hoooooo!”

Loretta ended the call and looked back at the remains of Bensonhurst. An overwhelming sadness washed over her as she remembered the students she fed in the cafeteria. Benny, a scrawny little boy who ate like a whale. Sharon, who barely ate at all, but merely pushed food around on her tray while chatting with her friends. The twins, Bruno and Buster, who always tried to muscle students out of their lunch money. Where would they eat lunch tomorrow, she thought?

Don’t worry about the children, Loretta. Whispered a voice within her. I will take care of them. They belong to me. It’s time now for you to fly. You have the heart of a child—humble, trusting, innocent. And that’s good. But to really soar, you need to leave some childish ways…and people…behind. There’s a difference between one who is childlike and one who is childish. Follow me. I’ll lead you to the right flock.

Loretta’s mind shifted to Trappy’s School of Circus Arts.

Ah, you think I’m telling you not to join the circus. The gentle voice continued. On the contrary. Trappy’s School of Circus Arts is exactly what you need right now to learn how to fly—literally and figuratively. I’ve got some people there that will lift you up and fly with you. They’re eagles, like you, not chickens. Some people will work to pull you down. The people at Trappy's will lift you up and you will lift them up too.

A smile returned to Loretta’s face. “You’re awesome, God!” She exclaimed. “I knew I could count on you.” She put her hand to her forehead and gave a hearty salute to the remnants of Bensonhurst.

“Good-bye Bensonhurst!” She shouted. “I’m off to write a new chapter. Thanks for the memories!” Eager to start school the next day, she danced all the way home, belting an offkey rendition of Steve Miller Band’s “Fly Like an Eagle” on the way.