Four Years of Regret

Trigger warning: suicide

It’s been four years. Today the 22nd of September marks it four years. I can’t believe it has been this long since they found the body of John, this long since I've gotten more than 3 hrs of sleep, this long that the secret has been kept. Nobody can find out and nobody will.

Father always said life doesn’t give you riches when you see an opportunity, grab it. He repeated everyday till his death last year. ‘I’m happy to die knowing my son is successful.’ he said. 

You can search Jack Payne anywhere and you’ll find a young-looking billionaire. Blond hair, blue eyes, New York’s bachelor that everyone’s after. The creator of the multi-millionaire company. Pear technology. Everyone says his name will go down in history, for bringing such a creation into the world. The company that pushed apple to the ground and went off the charts. He is a living legacy they say. But why is it that no one questions how he came up with this wonderful idea.

It was a sunny day to be locked up indoor working on our end of term project. As computer science students we were coding our live’s away but John had a greater idea. You see John’s family wasn’t the richest though they weren’t the poorest either John as the adopted son wasn’t someone paid a lot of attention. So he always got the busted items, the 3rd generation of hand me downs but he was so optimistic about it all. The first time John told us about his idea was months even before the final project was due. His phone stopped working which wasn’t a surprise as it had been used 4 times already. But the strange thing was John didn’t throw it away or tell his adopted family he took it apart and started reassembling it. He said he had a vision. At first, we all thought it was a joke but as the final project came closer the more John was closer to reassembling the phone. He went through a lot to get parts, even used all his savings for what we all thought was a lost cause. 

As I’m surfing the web I see an advert, to the new pear glasses, with the built-in microchip and many new features Jack was on about on the phone last night. Immediately it brings back memories. All John’s effort, his money all to nothing, but why should I feel bad I’m living the dream according to every walking species on this earth.

It was late in the night, the day before John’s birthday. The plan was simple to carry John to the edge of the lake not too close for he couldn’t swim. I went to get the rest of the items for the prank and when I was back John was gone with Jack standing there. He was in the lake and I was too late for he had already drowned to death. I wanted to call for help, maybe there was a chance he could still be saved, but Jack said if I told I would have been punished too. I will be blamed for everything. It was then I saw Jacks intentions. After several days of John being missing his body was found and it was the next day, Jack decided to announce John’s idea as his own.

There was nothing I could do now Jack lives in riches, as his brother I get my shares he says because he wants to take care of me but I know it’s so I keep my mouth shut. The boy father never saw as a son because I wasn’t a legacy like Jack. If only the world knew that Jack doesn’t deserve his fame, if only the world knew he was so greedy he killed our best friend.

I’m sure Jack doesn’t get nightmares with his so-called perfect life that I know he doesn’t deserve I want to confess but I know Jack has no limit. I’ll be dead in seconds. Jack stopped loving people since mum died I just didn’t know it meant he could commit murder. 

It was the night before we were to go to college. Mum was making sure we had both packed all are clothes and items she suddenly dropped. Her eyes went white and her face turned grey. She had looked tired throughout the day but she told us work went stressful that day.

We called dad, took her to the hospital and when we got there we were too late. She died of lung cancer.  She had been having treatment for 6 months and Jack and I were clueless. I f we knew we would have helped in any way, stop stressing her out but we are never told about the events of this family.

Immediately Jack heard the news he turned grey. He didn’t eat for weeks, we went to college a month later in the hope during that month he would recover, he had countless therapy during the time, me too but I was great at not showing emotions and letting it get to me Jack not so much. We all thought he recovered but I guess he never did. I figured that out when I asked him how he could kill John. ‘Mum was taken away from me, so I can take any other life to.’ he replied. I then knew Jacks soul was stained forever.

I walk into, my office and gets to work. Though Jack gives me money I’m sure is even more than what he pays his employees I still wanted to work, to have some hours of the day where my brain doesn’t take me back to that night. Tomorrow is John’s birthday and every birthday I go to his grave to ask him to forgive me for not speaking up. But I never know if he has and without his, forgiveness I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. My usual routine is to go to Jack’s house or should I say mansion for I have nowhere else I’ll have to be and though we don’t relate I’m still his twin. As I enter I find Jack staring at something a blue graph paper.

‘Are those John’s original designs, I thought you threw them away.’ ‘Do you ever regret what you did to him.’

And right there and then my brother stabs himself and says every day.